tina♡

Hockey house - Thursday afternoon.

"Yo, whoever flushed the blue package baby wipes when they clearly say do not flush next time you're the one's unclogging the toilet" Logan wipes his sweat covered forehead with his forearm and points at his two teammates sitting in the living room "And where the hell is Dean?"

"Seb emergency" Garrett answers without looking up from his textbook "Apparently he lost his ducky and wouldn't stop crying"

"I will never get over you saying the word ducky" Tucker snickers.

"Dude, you've been singing the itsy bitsy spider for days" Garrett shoots back.

"She's a ver determined spider" The curly haired guy almost looks offended at the quip.

"I'll take the itsy bitsy spider over baby shark any day" Logan's putting his toolbox away in the cabinet under the sink when he notices the bright yellow plush he's all too familiar with "Hey I found ducky!" He lifts it up with a triumphant smile.

The baby's cries are loud against his ear when he calls Dean "Fuck you want?" The clearly stressed dad answers the phone, in the background Logan can hear you yelling at him for swearing in front of the baby.

"Now, that's no way to talk to your savior" Logan frowns.

"I stopped going to church when I was 12" Dean snaps back "But maybe I need to take this kid in for an exorcism"

"Stop talking about our son like that!" You complain, probably taking the crying baby out of his arms because Logan notices the cries are more distant now.

"Anyways, I found ducky" Logan says.

"I fucking love you" The blonde sounds so relieved, already moving to get his car keys "Seriously, this weekend, drinks on me and you get first dibs"

When you, Dean and Seb show up at the house a little while later you look like you've been in combat for weeks. Both your hair desheveled, your clothes crumpled and faces flushed and if it wasn't for the milk stain on your shirt and the crying child in Dean's arms, your friends would be sure that you had been fooling around in Dean's car before walking in.

"Hey bud" Logan regards the squirming kid belting his little heart out "Look what your favorite uncle found for you"

"You're not the favorite shithead" Garrett says from the couch.

"Neither are you" Tucker adds.

Sebastian stops crying when he notices the yellow duck plushie in Logan's hands, instead of loud wails he just hiccups with big wet blue eyes as he's handed the stuffed animal.

"I would so get mad at you for cursing in front of him but I'm too tired for that" You tell Garrett already on your way upstairs to Dean's room, probably for a well deserved nap.

"Here" Dean plops the now calm child into Tuckers lap ignoring the laptop he was working on "You're the least likely to let him die" And walks away "He's due for a feeding in like an hour"

"So when do you think mom and dad will realize they're soulmates?" Logan asks the sleepy baby over the couch.

Malone's - Saturday morning.

"You know, you could always just bring him in with you" Della offers, you're going over your new job as a waitress.

"That won't be necessary" You tell her "He's going to the campus daycare and Dean's looking after him when he's free, but thank you so much"

"Of course hon, just know the option is there if you ever need it. As long as you do your job I have no problem with the little dude joining you" She sends a smile your way and walks away leaving you at the counter with your breakfast.

"Here you go, sorry for the wait" Hannah, who you've learned you're going to be sharing many shifts with places a glass of orange juice in front of you.

"Thanks" You say back.

The bell on top of the door dings and you hear the rowdy hockey players that have become your baby's family and therefore your family walk in.

"Hey mama" Dean plops down next to you, Seb strapped into that ridiculously expensive baby carrier he insisted on buying "What are you doing here so early?" He steals your glass of juice and drinks it whole in one big gulp, you give him an annoyed look.

"I was coordinating everything with Della" He looks confused "The job? As a waitress? I told you about it last night when I dropped Seb off?"

"I was half dead by the time you dropped by" He admits "I woke up at 4 am for the roadie and didn't get to nap at all in the bus, sorry" He then waves Hannah over "Can I get the big daddy breakfast with extra sausages and another orange juice please? Oh and a coffee, one cream two sugars"

"You got it" Hannah mumbles.

Dean turns back to you at the same time as he grabs Seb's hands that are outstretching towards the napkins in front of you "Anyways, why the hell are you getting a job?"

"Because I have things to pay?" You deadpan "I also have a meeting with the financial advisor in 40 minutes, the school agreed to let me hold onto my scholarship but even then, the rest of the money is still a little too much and I don't want to drain all my savings like that so… job" You motion to the place.

"Thanks" He tells Hannah when she places the three big plates, orange juice and coffee cup in front of him "Why didn't you tell me you needed money?"

"Because I don't need money from you" You shrug "Don't worry, Seb's getting all he needs, this is just for my stuff"

"You know I've gotchu whatever you need" He says, your mom reflexes save his breakfast from Sebastian's curious hands smashing into it.

"Thanks but I'm good" He doesn't like this, but he knows he's not going to win the argument so he just hums already planning how he's going to increment the money he sends you for Sebastian in a way that you won't instantly notice "Hand him over so you can eat before he faceplants into the eggs"

Your apartment - Monday night

"So I was thinking" Dean starts, he's on the floor doing tummy time with Sebastian.

"Oh no"

"Shut up" He shakes his head "I was thinking, if we make it to the frozen four this year, this little guy will be old enough to come see daddy play"

You make a face "I don't know"

"Oh come on, we can get him those huge earmuffs and get the puck bunnies to bodyguard" See, the thing about the puck bunnies is you shouldn't like them, but you can't help it. Sure, they are known for sleeping with the hockey players, but if you really think about it, they have a type and a limited dating pool in the school but they really don't harm anyone and they are nice once you get to know you. Oh and they love your kid because he is Dean's kid so really, you have no problem with them.

"How about this" You sit next to him with a yogurt cup that will most likely be stolen from your hands in just a few seconds "If you make it to the finals and the trip is not too long we'll make it"

"Great, going to order the ear muffs now" You know he's being truthful because he's already pulling up Amazon on his phone, the season is barely halfway through.

The Hockey House - Tuesday afternoon

"Dean if you don't pick your shit up I will throw it away" Tucker's yelling up the stairs when you walk into the house with Seb in your arms "Oh hey guys!"

"Hey Tuck" You give him a tired smile, at only six months old, Seb's decided that sleep is no longer something he's interested in.

"You look like you're about two seconds from collapsing" He frowns taking both the baby and baby bag from you.

"Feel like it too, he's decided he's allergic to sleeping more than 20 minutes at a time" You drop onto the couch with a sigh.

"I can watch him for a bit if you wanna nap" You throw up a thumbs up, your eyes already closed "Okay bud, today you're learning how to make a peach cobbler"

A while later you wake up to find Tuck cleaning the kitchen whit the baby strapped into his chest while humming a country song you don't recognize, the surprising thing? Seb's totally asleep, mouth open, little snores, drooling all over Tucker's chest asleep.

"Holy shit" You whisper making your way to the kitchen "You are magical Tuck"

"Huh?" He looks confused, then notices your gaze on the baby "Oh! He's been asleep for a while, I was explaining how to pick the perfect peaches to him and he just conked out" He shrugs as if it's nothing.

"John Tucker I think I might be in love with you" Of course that's the moment your baby's father decides to walk into the room, furrowed brows in annoyance at your words because although you two are not together he's not sure how he feels about you saying those words to one of his best friends.

"What the fuc-" He doesn't get to finish his sentence though because you practically throw yourself into him to cover his mouth, he catches you by your waist pressing you flush against him, frown still present in his face.

"Shut up" You whisper shout at him "I've been trying to get him to sleep for forever and he wouldn't settle now look at him"

Econ 201 - Wednesday morning

"Dude I have a problem" Dean's sitting next to his new friend, Beau, in class.

"You have a lot of those" Beau keeps taking notes of the board "It's the reason you're a hockey player"

"This is serious" Dean insists.

"What level of serious?"

"Camille tried sexting me last night and I didn't text back" Beau's pen basically drops from his hand and suddenly he's not into class at all becuase his buddy needs serious help if this problem is stopping him from sexting Camille freaking Green back.

"You have my undivided attention" The brunette says, his whole body turned to the blonde.

When your name comes out of Dean's mouth Beau gasps, yes, this is very clearly a serious problem if you're involved.

"Yesterday she told Tuck she was in love with him" Beau's eyes go impossibly wide at Dean's words "And it's been bugging me ever since"

"No bro like that's totally valid" Beau nods "If my baby mama said she was in love with my best friend I would go crazy too. So what happened next?"

"She told me to shut up because the baby was sleeping" Dean continues with his story "And then the other guys got home and we had dinner and then she left so we didn't get to talk but-"

"Gentlemen" The professor called, the class eerily quiet around them, all their classmates staring at the two "Anything to share with the class?"

Malone's - Wednesday night

"So" Garret plops down next to Tucker in the booth, throwing his arm around him "How's it feel to be a step dad?"

"Fuck you talking 'bout?" Tucker asks confused.

"It's all everyone on campus is talking about, John Tucker, the dad that stepped up" Logan says teasingly sitting on the other side of the booth, Tucker's still confused.

"Word on the street is that you'r dating Dean's baby mama" Garrett finally explains making the curly haired guy choke on his water.

"Where the hell is that coming from?" He asks "Wait, is that why everyone's been giving me weird looks?"

Dean arrives then with Beau by his side, the quarterback dapping him up before joining his own teammates leaving Dean to find his roommates.

"Why do you two look like you've pulled the prank of the year?" He asks Logan and Garrett who can't help but to cackle.

"Hey Tuck, I can give you a baby of your own if you want" A girl walking by winks at the Texan who gives his friends a mortified look.

Dean gives the table a questioning look "Apparently someone's been saying Tuck's dating your baby mama and has become" Garret starts, Logan joins with a big smile and at the same time they both say "The dad that stepped up"

"Wait… what?"

"Dean!" You barrell towards their table "What the hell did you do?"

"I didn't do anything" The blonde raises his hands.

"Then why is the whole campus thinking I'm in love with Tuck?" That's when it dawns on Dean.

Getting pregnant during your freshman year of college had not been the plan. Getting pregnant with the biggest manwhore in your year and probably the whole school even though he was only a freshman too had been even less of your plan. But Dean Di Laurentis wasn't one to back out of a challenge, ever. So when you showed up at his hockey practice and shattered his world with two words, he didn't crumble. Instead, he nodded, asked what your plans were and assured you that whatever it was he'd be there for it.

When you decided you wanted to keep the baby and told him you didn't expect anything from him he hit you with the most outraged defense about how that was his child you were carrying and how he was going to do everything in his power to make sure you were both okay.

You were never together officially, Dean continued hooking up with other girls, now being extra careful, but still made sure he was always showing up for you. One night you called him crying at 2AM when you were five months pregnant because you were hungry but had ran out of the specific mango sorbet you had loved for months now and your back hurt and your feet were too swollen. He'd been in the middle of round two with a blonde from a sorority but as soon as he heard you crying he was already putting on his pants and rushing out the door.

You were way too pregnant by summer, so instead of heading to St.Barts, the entire Di Laurentis family huddled close in New York, your family having decided not to support you, to help you and Dean. His parents gifting you a unit right next to theirs so you could have your own space.

Sadly, the baby had decided to hold on until classes had started again. Dean moved in with the hockey guys into an off campus house, you had found an apartment not too far away that he had insisted on paying for , you'd fought him against it but ended up accepting an 80-20 split for the time being until you could go back to work, Dean hadn't even batted an eye at the money he had spent.

You decided to take the semester off to focus on the baby for the first months swearing up and down that you would be back to start your sophomore year, how? You were still not sure but you knew you'd figure it out.

Dean's friends had been surprisingly supporting through it all. The guys constantly checking up on you while Dean was in class and making sure to always bring something for you. When your water broke you had been at their house with Tucker and Garrett because Dean had insisted you stayed there as you were past your due date and he wanted to keep an eye on you.

You were on your way to the kitchen to get a snack when you felt the liquid splash down on your feet and stopped in your tracks. Garret looked up from the game they were playing and gasped "Did you pee yourself?" "I think my water just broke" Tucker looked at you then with wide eyes "What?" "I think my water just broke" You repeated looking down at the mess you'd made, then looked at the guys and with the calmest look ever you said "Someone needs to drive me to the hospital"

The next 20 minutes had happened in double speed, both boys helping you out to Garrett's jeep, Tucker with your hospital bag clutched all the way to the hospital, where Garrett yelled like a madman for help and it wasn't until the nurse looked at him with the kindest most understanding smile and said "We've got her daddy don't worry" That you all realized no one had called Dean yet.

15 minutes later you were in a room with Garrett and Logan when Dean rushed through the door with Logan hot on his trail. He stayed by your side for the entire 17 hours and 36 minutes the birth took and the moment he held his son he swore his whole world shifted in its axis.

The first week of Sebastian's life Dean refused to leave both of your side's, he missed lectures and practice and hangouts. By the beginning of the second week you called Garrett and begged him to come and take him away because he was driving you insane. The next four weeks were a constant revolving door of Dean's roommates plus Jules (Logan's sibling who had just started at Briar as a freshman) constantly checking up on you and the baby.

At six weeks you and Dean decided you were comfortable enough to take little Seb out, his first trip was straight to the hockey house.

Masterlist

The only redeeming quality of this date is honestly the fact that you won't have to pay for the food and wine you've had. This restaurant is not one you'll usually choose, it's not your style, too fancy and grand for your liking. Your date is… well let's just say you highly doubt there will be a second date.

"So you say you went to where for college?" He asks after finishing a rant about the latest crypto he invested in.

"Oh, I went to Briar!" You perk up a little at him finally showing some kind of interest into you "In Massachusetts, I-"

Of course, he cuts you off "Yeah, I know of Briar, it has one of the best hockey programs in the country, it was one of my options but I felt Michigan calling out for me more"

"Oh yeah, you play hockey right? I have friends who do too" You comment.

He scoffs "You do, don't you? Well sweetheart I'm in the AHL right now, I bet your friends have heard of me, I'm NHL bound any day now"

"Oh really?" You ask with a raised eyebrow, you don't tell him about your two friends breaking records with the Bruins right now "Are you playing here in Boston?"

"No no, I'm with the Islanders" He says, you quickly comb through your hockey knowledge, remembering Garret say something about how the Islanders were bottom three teams in the AHL right now but you choose to keep the information to yourself for now "Just in town visiting some friends and having dates with beautiful women apparently"

"Got lots of those?" You tease jokingly but his reply comes serious.

"A few, not a great dating pool around here honestly" He shrugs "It's just a thing of our generation, women trying too hard to prove something" You give him a slow nod curious to see where this horrible point of him goes "Like just yesterday I was out with this girl who kept arguing with me about how she wouldn't quit her job as a doctor even if she was dating an athlete like me with a packed schedule so she could take care of the kids"

"That's…" You don't even know what to say and thankfully (?) you don't have to say anything because he's not done.

"Like, you have to understand one thing about me honey, I already have a brutal schedule with hockey right now but as soon as I make it to the NHL it's gonna get worse" He shrugs "I need a woman who understands that. There's too few of them around now and I think that's the reason current legends like Graham stay single"

"Garret?" You ask.

"Oh you know of him? Yeah, total beast on the ice"

You nod "I went to college with him"

Your date laughs "Oh I bet you were running around behind him for a bit of attention huh?"

"Uh not exactly" You can't wait to be done with this date.

"Oh come on honey, it's Garret Graham, legend, if not for his hockey skills then for his legacy, his dad was a beast too, really look up Phil Graham" You're not going to lie that hearing him fanboy over one of your best friends is kinda funny, but the guy is annoying to no end so you start thinking of exiting strategies "I'm already on my way up there with him" He's not, you hadn't even heard his name until now and you like to think you are somewhat well versed in the hockey world "Someday you'll be bragging about having gone on a date with me"

You're still thinking about a good excuse to leave the date when the restaurant door opens, you look that way because anything is better than the douche in front of you and you see him, your best friend, Garrett Graham, he notices you too and smiles warmly.

"Holy shit" You hear your date gasp "It's Garret Graham, and he's looking this way, I bet he recognized me from our last game against Boston"

And no matter how much of an asshole this guy is you still can't find it in yourself to break his heart so you plan on letting him believe that's the reason Garret looked your way, but your friend has other plans because he approaches your table, attention solely on you as he leans down to pull you into a warm hug and kissing the side of your head on his way up.

"Hey Tink! What are you doing here?" He asks, the nickname he gave you years ago flowing out, your date, who still hasn't been aknowledged stares in absolute shock.

"Hi Gar, I'm uh… dinner" You motion to the guy sitting in front of you and Garret finally turns his way.

"Oh hey man" He greets with a nod and his attention is back on you "You gonna introduce me to your friend?"

"This is Dave" You don't have to say anything else, Garrett has always been an expert in reading you, he already clocked how this date is going.

"Well, nice to meet you Dave" His words are polite but there's none of the warmth he's had towards you "I'm just here for a quick meeting with my agent, but why don't you wait at the bar for me when you're done here? 15 minutes top?" You nod and he leans down to kiss your forehead again "I'll open up a tab and have your drink waiting for when you're ready" Then he turns to Dave and says "Nice to meet you Gabe" And he leaves.

You fight a chuckle and see his shoulders shaking as he walks away.

A little later, Garrett's turning on the engine of his Jeep, a newer model of the one he had back in college, but before he pulls out of the parking lot he speaks "I just don't know why you insist on going out with those idiots when I'm right here"

"What and miss Dave's NHL debut?" You joke but you know he's right and you're not sure why you're still going out on pointless dates "I heard Bridgeport might have a chance at the playoffs this season, I might get a WAG jacket"

"He's in the AHL?" Garret makes a face, you nod with a laugh "Tink, the chances of Bridgeport making it to the playoffs are lower than Dean being able to recreate Tuck's chicken pot pie recipe successfuly" You burst out laughing remembering the time you had to call the fire department because Tucker was away visiting his mom in Texas and Dean insisted he just had to have chicken pot pie.

"Holy shit I'd forgotten about that" You wipe tears out of your eyes "The firefighters looked so disappointed when Dean asked if he could still eat the food"

Garett looks at you with a wide smile and loving stare "Do you think the WAGs will give me a discount for the fee because we're halfway through the season already?" His question could be taken as a joke, but you know him and you know he's being earnest "Or will they charge me a late fee? What size jacket do you wear? And you can't get mad at me for not knowing, you always end up stealing mine anyways but I don't think you want a Garrett sized WAG jacket"

An Easter in New York.

Co-parenting long(er) distance surprisingly doesn't take too much work to get used to, the timezone change makes it so that Joe and Caroline can have calls before school multiple times a day which helps her troubles at drop off. Joe flies back to San Jose for her birthday which she celebrates with cupcakes and pizza at school and then cake at home with you, Joe, your sister and her boyfriend but when the holidays role around there's an awkward air floating around.

For as long as you've been together, your little family has spent Christmas and New Years with the Keerys. This year you compromise and fly to Massachusetts alongside your daughter and sister where you get a hotel against the family's insistance for you to stay with them like always, instead you spend Christmas morning opening presents with them retreating before dinner.

Joe hates that it's come to this. He hates everything about the situation, how there's two chairs missing at the dinner table, for you and your sister, hates how cold his bed feels without you in it at night, but most of all, he hates himself for putting you in this situation to begin with.

The day after Christmas you come over to say goodbye to everyone, Caroline is staying behind and celebrating New Years here while you do so in California. Once again, Joe's family try to convince you to cancel your flight, stay here, there's even the implication of kicking Joe out to stay at a hotel himself, he agrees to the suggestion quickly, you deny it and fly out.

The regret is instant when you wake up on with a massive headache at an unfamiliar hotel room next to a stranger on New Years Day. You fight a nasty nausea all the way to your house, not sure if it comes from your hangover, the fear of the man going online and posting about it, or the sheer regret of what you did. It takes a few days for you to shake the whole thing off, after there's no posts about it online that part of your fear goes away, but you still feel dirty about the situation.

You've never been one for one night stands, figuring out quickly the summer after high school that sex was always linked with intimacy for your brain and that it made you become attached, that's why you always strayed away from hookups, that's why Sawyer's words had hurt so much back when he dumped you. This time around though, your night with the stranger didn't make you wish for more with him, it just confirmed that you were absolutely not over Joe.

Spring Break comes around lining up perfectly with the beginning of The Hunger Games press tour in New York and Easter meaning Caroline gets to spend it with Joe. His plan took, in Joe's opinion, a ridiculous amount of time, but somehow he convinved you to spend the weekend with him at one of his friends' country house.

So here you are, Saturday afternoon, after two days of media scheduled all day, standing on the hallway of his new apartment. You haven't been here before, but you know he quickly got to work to transform what was meant to be a guest room into Caroline's bedroom, and that he also has a home studio in the other guest room and honestly, you always act like you're not paying attention when he calls Caroline at nights but you always are, so much so that you think you may have memorized the layout of the apartment by now,

"Hey!" He opens the door with a big smile "Come in, come in, Care's just finishing up her snack and then we can go" He takes your bag from your hand, just a small duffel with essentials.

"Mommy, over here!" Caroline squealed running through the yard. The kids, Joe's friend's, running around looking for eggs while you and another mom, Hattie, walk behind them chatting.

Joe was looking from the deck while having a beer with his friends "So…. have you decided to get your head out of your ass and get your girl back?" Colbyn asks, They've been friends since college, plus he's Cassie's older brother so they inevitably ran in the same circles more often than not.

"Dunno what you're talking about" He takes another sip of her beer.

"Oh come on, you're an actor, at least try to act better" Colbyn laughed "You're looking at her like it hurts you to be away from her sidewhen she's like 10 feet away"

"When the hell did you become a philosopher?" Joe asks with a raised brow.

"Shit bro, it's the dad wisdom" He jokes, Colbyn and his wife just welcomed a baby not too long ago and the shift from the Colbyn he knew back in college to Dad Colbyn is astronomical "You should use some of yours for more than just writing songs"

"I'm giving her time and space" Joe sighs "It's complicated"

"You love her, she loves you, you're both just too stubborn to do anything about it" Colbyn's wife, Maria approaches handing him the baby "Hey dude, wanna hang out with uncle Joey?"

In a matter of seconds Joe has a month old baby in his arms and his beer is long forgotten as Colbyn and Maria retreat to the couches a few steps away.

"Daddy!" Caroline comes barreling but he manages to shift the baby so she doesn't crash into him, her mouth agape in awe at the tiny human in his arms "Woah, he's little"

"Yes he is" Joe nods with a smile "So we have to be careful"

Caroline nods and they both sit on the porch stairs "Was I ever this little?"

Joe's stunned by her question, he wants to say yes but the truth is he doesn't really know, he wasn't around until she was a few months older "You were" You come to the rescue settling next to Caroline who quickly settles in your lap "But you grew up real quick. Too quick actually"

"Huh" The little girl hums "Do you have pictures?"

"I do" You nod "Wanna see them?"

It's her turn to nod "With daddy?"

"I'm sorry babe, I don't have pictures of you and daddy when you were that little, but i do have some from when you were just a little bit older"

"Still a baby?"

"Still a baby"

"You were the cutest baby ever" Joe adds.

"He's cute" Your daughter seems to have moved on from the pictures because her whole attention is back on the baby "Can I hold him?"

"You've gotta be real careful okay?" Joe moves him so he rests in Caroline's lap who is in your lap so really you're holding both of the making sure that his head is properly supported.

"Woah" Caroline lets out and yeah, the sentiment is mutual for Joe "Can we get one?"

"Some day, maybe" You tell her and Joe's not sure if you mean it or if you consider him a part of that some day but he knows then and there for sure that he's gonna do everything in his power from now on so he is.

You wake up early the next morning, too early. Your daughter has always been an early riser, you not so much, but you can't leave your five year old alone in a strange house so you get up with her and you both head out to the backyard so you don't wake the rest of the people in the house.

You're sitting on the porch steps while Caroline plays in the outdoor playground they have here when Joe walks out, he has two cups of coffee and hands you one before sitting next to you. It's been a while since you two were like this.

"You sleep well?" He asks, you hum in agreement "Too early huh?"

"Way too early" You groan "Why are you up?"

"I got used to her schedule and never got out of it" He shrugs. Joe used to be the one up with her in the mornings when you lived together most of the time.

"Oh"

He nods "I've missed this" You don't say anything, just sip on your coffee, truth is seeing them together all day yesterday and spending time all together brought you back to the way things were even if only for the moment "What are we doing?"

"I don't know" You whisper because it's true, you miss it too, but you're not sure how to go back to the way it was so instead of trying to come up with something you just place your head on his shoulder, he moves closer melting into you.

"Daddy!" Caroline approaches and you think the momen'ts gone but Joe just scoops her into his lap and once she's settled he puts his free arm around you.

You stay like that for a while, Caroline having gotten a lot of her energy out laid comfortably against his chest, you snuggled into his side while sipping your coffee, there's no words exchanged but they are not needed, not yet.

"Auntie Cass is home!" Her voice travels through the open back doors and you wake up from whatever haze you were in, you move away and tense up because what the hell are you doing? Joe is not your anymore, last you saw him and Cass were getting close so why are you playing house with him right now?

"I- I shouldn't have… I'm sorry" You say with wide eyes then get up "I'm gonna go pack"

Joe looks confused by the sudden change "I brought breakfast as an apology from missing yesterday, get in here before the good donuts get taken" Cass pokes her head out.

"Come on Care-bear" He gets up with the girl still in his arms and sits her down at the table looking at Maria "Can you watch her for a minute?" The woman nods already asking Caroline what she'd like.

He doesn't knock when he reaches the guest room where you and Caroline were staying and walks in to see you sitting on the bed with your open bag next to you and your head in your hands. He says your name softly but you don't look up because you know if you do you'll break down.

"Come on baby talk to me what happened?" The pet name comes out so naturally he doesn't even register it.

"I can't" You shake your head.

"You can't what?" You feel the mattress shift as he sits next to you "Please talk to me"

"I can't let myself do that again" You finally admit "I don't know if I can be around you anymore" Joe swears he hears his own heart crack right there "Because you're not mine anymore and apparently my heart hasn't gotten the memo yet. And it's not fair because Cass seems lovely and the last thing I want to do is come between you but then it's just us three and I… I don't know, I forget things are different now"

Joe's frowning now because he has no ide where the Cass thing is coming from "I don't have anything going on with Cass, or anyone actually, she's just a friend, Kate and her have been best friends for as long as I can remember and Colbyn's her brother, we met in college and became friends because our sisters were" He explains "I don't hold any feeling for her that are not platonic. And yes, things are diferent between us, but I kinda hate it" You are looking at him now, teary eyes and confusion in your face "Please don't cry honey" He reaches over and wipes your cheeks "I miss you and I miss Caroline and I wish things could just go back to the way they were" You're about to say something but he doesn't let you "And I know that can't just magically happen overnight and I have been trying to be patient for you but it's killing me so please baby, tell me you feel the same, tell me there's something we can do to try"

You don't even know what to say, you just drop your head into his chest and keep crying because you're feeling everything you've kept bottled in so deeply right now. "I'm sorry" You apologize between sobs.

"You have nothing to apologize for" He rubs your back and kisses the top of your head.

"I miss you so much" You let out, he holds you tighter.

And things will not go back to normal instantly, you know there's a lot of work you'll need to do, and you're still living in different parts of the country, but you choose to put in the work, you choose to give it another chance because this is your family, Joe, Caroline and you.

Class, work, library, gym, dorm. That had been your life since starting at Briar.

Maintaining the scholarship you’d worked so hard for was your only goal.

There was no time for parties, no time for sports, no time for boyfriends.

“You’re gonna burnout” Your friend Tina said “You can’t keep going like this.

“Of course I can, I’ve been doing it the whole year” You shrugged.

“But it’s my birthday” Tina pouted “Come on, come out with us tonight, just one night” 

You considered it, the paper you were working on was almost done and not due for another 4 days, you had the day off of work and Tina’s pleading eyes were pretty convincing “Fine” You finally sighed “But only for a little bit”

“Yes!” The blonde hugged you tight “Malone’s at 8, it’s karaoke night” 

Malone’s at night was a completely different place from what you were used to, sometimes you ran in here during your lunch break or in between lessons if there was enough time to grab some food to go but you’d never been here at night when the place converted into a bar.

“You’re here!” Tina somehow spots you as soon as you walk through the doors “Girl the entire hockey team is here” 

“And some of the football team too” Maggie, your other friend points out passing you a shot glass “The quarterback this season? HOT, he’s a freshman too which means maybe I’ll have a chance” She wiggles her eyebrows.

You freeze, the new football quarterback, Beau Maxwell, your ex boyfriend.

Your high school boyfriend who broke up with you only a few days after your first anniversary. His reasoning? College.

He was planning on focusing on his football career and he didn’t want to stand in between you and your education because he knew how hard you’d worked for your scholarship.

You wanted to argue, tell him that the only reason you’d been killing yourself with so much school work had been because of your shared plans to make it to Briar together. Because your parents didn’t have the money his did to put you through a private college comfortably, but they did have enough money for you to go to community college and you had the grades to make it in without slaving yourself over your studies. 

In fact, that had been your first choice, you didn’t mind staying home and going to community college, but Beau had put the idea of Briar U together in your head back when you were just friends and your decision had been final when you finally started dating.

But you didn’t argue, you accepted the breakup and tried to move on, you were already well on your way to start at Briar so you pushed through, spent the whole fall semester with your head in your books ignoring all the noise about football season.

And it worked, it was now almost summer, the end of your freshman year, and you hadn’t had a single interaction with him. You weren’t even sure if he knew you were in the same campus as him.

The drinks flowed nicely, you joined Tina and Maggie at their booth where more friends were sitting, you did a few shots and nursed a drink for a few hours, you were having fun and thankfully the place was crowded enough that you hadn’t seen Beau all night. 

“You have to sing with me!” Tina was begging you, she was a bit more tipsy than you by now “And you too” she pointed at Maggie “Oh my god, we’re doing Mamma Mia!” 

You didn’t even get a chance to protest before she was at the bar signing you up. “Guess we’re Donna and the Dynamos tonight” Maggie shrugged sipping on her beer.

A little later your names were announced and as much as you tried complaining to your friends wouldn’t let you stay in your seat. Tina and Maggie were already on the stage by the time you begrudgingly made your way over. 

“Woo” Allie shouted your name from the booth “Let’s go!” This is what you get for being friends with the theater kids.

Beau stopped mid sentence at the sound of your name, there was no way it was actually you, other people have the same name as you right? 

He knew you were at Briar, he’d seen you around campus a few times, busy and focused as always. He had stopped himself from reaching out more than once, he had broken up with you after all.

But then he looked at the stage and there you were, beautiful as ever, and looking more free than you have in a while.

Super Trouper by ABBA started playing and you and your friends took your places as if you were in Mamma Mia and Beau swears the atmosphere changed completely as if he was in one of the romance movies him and Joana watch every time they’re together.

And then your eyes found his and time warped all around you. A few seconds felt like long minutes and nothing at all at the same time. You missed your next line but thankfully your friends kept going like nothing had happened.

When the song finished you all but ran back to your booth and got your jacket to leave “Okay, that’s it for me guys, love you, bye” You rushed out.

“Nooo, we’re having so much fun, don’t go!” Tina whined.

“I know but it’s late and I work early tomorrow” You excuse yourself.

“Okay well, be safe, text us when you get home” Allie nods.

You turn around to leave but instead find yourself blocked by someone. 

Beau.

He couldn’t take it anymore. Seeing you up in that stage made him realize just how much he had messed up by letting you go.

You’d almost forgotten how your name sounded from his lips. Almost. Your body though, apparently didn’t get the memo that you’re no longer together because it completely relaxed before your brain reminded it that it was not supposed to react that way.

Behind you, your friends were shocked by the fact that the new hotshot quarterback was standing in front of you calling your name, not to mention the fact that he looked like he was a moment away from falling on his knees for you.

“Beau” You said.

“Shit” He cursed “Can we talk?” 

“I was just leaving” You told him hoping that was enough for him to let you leave. 

“I’ll walk you” He said “I’d offer to drive you but I’ve had a few drinks” 

“You really don’t have to” You insisted.

“Or we can get a taxi?” You knew the tone he was using, it was the same one he used that one time he forgot you had a date because they were on a two game losing streak and practices were running late back in high school, it was the ‘I’m genuinely sorry please let me make it up to you somehow’ tone.

“I don’t wanna take you away from the party” You told him looking back at a group of girls where he was standing before, they looked impatient for him to go back. 

“Please?” You sighed giving him a small nod, as always, you can’t resist against him.

The walk back to your dorm was quiet for a while. Like he was trying to figure out how to start the conversation. 

It wasn’t until you entered your street that he spoke “I’m sorry” You didn’t look at him, just kept your eyes to the front “Like genuinely, I’m really sorry. For breaking up with you like that, for giving you shit reasons, for not fighting more for us” 

“Then why’d you do it?” 

“Because I’m stupid” You reached your dorm “Because I saw what college did to my brother’s relationship, and Joanna kept talking about how much fun she was having being single and how glad she was to not be tied to someone” 

“And also because everyone around kept talking about how busy I was going to get with practice and games and classes, and I didn’t want to keep you waiting or make you feel like you were second to football all the time” He continued “And for a while I tried to convince myself that I’d done the right thing but really I feel empty all the time. And alone, all those parties filled with people? They don’t matter because as much as I try to let them distract me I always end up staring at the door waiting for you to walk in” 

“Beau-“ You tried to speak but he stopped you.

“I love you. I know I never said it back when we were together but I need you to know that I love you and every day for the past year I’ve spent wishing I could go back in time and not let all the noise get in my head” 

Now, you knew your friends would never approve of this, well, at least Allie wouldn’t. But hearing Beau say those three words is enough for you to give in.

“Beau?” He finally let you speak, big eyes stared into your “I’m gonna really need your actions to speak for your words if we’re going to try this again” 

“Yes” He nodded immediately “Yes, yes baby. Anything” 

“Okay” 

“Okay?”

“Okay” 

“So can I kiss you now?” You laughed and nodded, in an instant his lips were on yours “Fuck baby you have no idea how much I’ve missed you” 

“Why don’t you show me?” He all but growled “You know, that thing about your actions?”

bean there at 5?

You stare at your phone screen with reproach as if you hadn't just sent the message yourself. There's no immediate response, logically you know it is because he is probably on the ice at practice while his phone is in the locker room but the waiting makes you heart pound at twice the normal speed.

Absolutely, see you there

His response comes at 3:32, immediately after he gets off the ice.

It's been almost three months since you went on a break. A mutually agreed break, not a breakup but enough distance to feel the space and re-explore options.

It happened after you realized how much your lives revolved around each other. Your friends had pointed it out one night when he showed up to the bar you were at for girl's night with his friends, the catch? He hadn't shown up because he was a toxic asshole who didn't trust you, he'd shown up because you'd asked him to.

When you brought up your concerns he told you about the comments his friends had made, how it wasn't healthy that you two had met right at the beginning of freshman year and hadn't separated ever since, even when you swore up and down that you weren't a couple back then trying to prove it with random hookups (or a foursome, in Tucker's side) that ended with one of you calling the other straight after.

So yeah, you agreed a break would be beneficial for both of you. You however, disagreed on the terms of said break, you pushed for him to be able to sleep with other women, insisting that it was part of the reason you needed the break, he argued he didn't need to sleep with anyone else because he knew you were the one for him.

Now, almost three months later you had no idea if he'd stuck to his initial argument or not, but you had not slept with anyone. You'd gotten drunk one night and made out with Justin Kohl, but regretted it immediately after and hadn't been with anyone else since.

Bean there had been a popular date spot for the two of you, which was the reason you hadn't been back since the break. The place hadn't changed much, the polaroid wall had grown significally, but everything else looked the same, even the baristas who smiled at you when you walked in.

"I'll take an ice mocha and an americano please" You ordered at the counter.

"Absolutely" Mila, the barista you knew by name because of how often you used to come in before, said "You wanna add a cinnammon roll to that?"

You thought about it for a second, surprised that she remembered, Tuck would always order one for you to share, even though you'd end up eating most of it "Yeah, thanks"

Your usual table is occupied by three girls with their heads burried in text books and flashcards sprawled across the surface so you take a different one.

"Hey" He walks up behind you, because he always insisted he took the seat facing the door in case there was an emergency.

"Hi" You expected this to be a little awkward, but the way he's acting, with a tense frame and his hands stuffed in his pockets hesitating his every move, puts you in high alert "I got you an americano"

"Oh, yeah, uh, thanks" You motion for him to sit down and he hurriedly takes his jacket off and does so "I- uh- how are you?"

"I think I'm the one who should be asking you that" You chuckle nervously because he looks like he'd rather be anywhere but here right now.

He takes a deep breath, closes his eyes, and then blurts out five words you never expected to hear out of him "I got a girl pregnant"

You're not sure you heard him right so you ask him to repeat himself.

"I… I hooked up with this girl a few weeks ago and… she's pregnant" You swallow thickly because what the fuck?

He expects you to get up screaming, dump your coffee on him, make a scene, anything, but instead you close your eyes, nod slowly, stand up and leave quietly.

He wants to get up and chase you but his body doesn't respond to his brain, or rather his brain is not working properly right now because this is not how he had wanted this meeting to go. He had a plan, you'd catch up and then he'd tell you about it and apologize and assure you that while yes, he was planning on being a part of his kid's life, he still wanted you more than anything else.

He wasn't supposed to freeze up and blurt those words like that, he had a speech prepared.

But now he sat there alone at your favorite coffee spot with a melting iced mocha, a cold americano and a hardening cinnammon roll.

You make it about a block away before you have to run into the, thankfully conveniently placed, campus toilets to puke. When you're done and rinsing your mouth you can't help but to wonder if Tucker's new girl is experiencing morning sickness.

Tucker's new girl.

The thought of calling another girl Tucker's girl is enough to make you nauseous again, you breath in and out, splash some water on your face and walk out, the clean air making your head feel a little less cloudy.

"Hey, you okay?" It's Hannah and Garrett standing in front of you.

Garrett calls your name after you don't reply "Shit, should we call Tuck?"

"No" Hannah replies fast "Or yes? I don't know… let's just… here, let's sit yeah?

They lead you to a bench nearby and sit with you.

"Are you okay?" She asks again.

"Yeah" You manage to let out, but your ears are still ringing and your hands are trembling.

"Do you want me to call Tuck?" Garrett's already pulling his phone out and that's what makes you snap out of whatever daze you were in.

"No!" You all but slap the phone out of his hands "No, no… I'm okay, I'm fine" You stand up.

"Wait! " Hannah calls, Garrett looks confused "Are you sure? Can we at least give you a ride?" You wonder if they know.

"I think I need to walk, thank you though" And you're gone.

"Should we like… follow her?" Hannah asks her boyfriend who's already standing up.

"Yup" He nods "And I'm absolutely calling Tuck and finding out what this is about, he said they were going out for coffee today"

Turns out, he doesn't have to call his friend because as soon as they make sure you're safely inside your apartment, even though you have no idea they were following, the 'SOS house meeting' text comes from Logan.

"Well that explains things" Garrett mutters after the news are dropped.

"The hell are you talking about?" Dean asks, he's still trying to catch up and he's sure he heard wrong because there's no way one of his best friends just announced he's having a baby with Sabrina James.

"Hannah and I saw y/n earlier, she looked like death. I imagine she got the news before us" The captain explains.

"Wait, where does she fall in all of this I thought you two were only on a break" Logan asks.

"We were… we are"

"No, if what you just said is true I'm pretty sure you're broken up with dude" Dean jumps in "And she's so valid for it, Sabrina James, really? Out of anyone you could've cheated on your perfect girl with, you went for Sabrina fucking James?"

"I didn't cheat on her, we were on a break" Tucker defends.

Dean snorts sarcastically "Yeah okay Ross"

"And you don't get to talk about the mother of my child like that"

"Like what? Like a fucking homewrecker? Because that's what she is Tuck! And it is cheating! Double cheating if you think about it because from what I can remember you were the one who pushed for not sleeping with other people while on break" Dean and Tucker are now face to face, Logan and Garrett flanking one each ready for the moment they inevitably will have to break up a fight.

"Shut the fuck up Dean, you have no idea what you're talking about"

"I think I do, you're ruining your life, she's ruining your life, and you know it, that's why you're this angry" Dean pushes through, done with the conversation and ready to leave the house.

"No, I'm angry because my best friends are not being supportive in a moment when I need them to be" Tuck lets out before the blonde can walk out.

"Of course I'm not going to support you when you're being a complete idiot" The blonde spats out and leaves.

You on the other hand, are in your apartment livingroom with all the lights off sitting in somewhat of a catatonic state. You imagine if someone saw you right now and knew the whole context of the situation they'd call you ridiculous.

But you can't believe you have found yourself in this situation, because months ago, before the break, you'd been talking about your plans for the future, about how Tucker felt like he needed to go back to Texas because he owed it to his mom, but how he wasn't sure that was what he actually wanted. You'd talked about the business possibilities for him back home that would allow both of you to live comfortably enough and maybe get a house up north to be close to your friends ar some point in the future.

You'd been in his family house with his mom showing you baby pictures and pointing out clothes he had ben wearing that she'd saved for his future children, your future children. You knew his grandmother's ring was tucked safely and, to his knowledge, secretly inside his latest skates box.

You had a future planned, you'd go back to Texas and work your assess of, him with whatever business he chose, you would make use of your special education degree, get married, have kids, eventually, and live happily ever after.

Those plans had disappeared in just 5 words.

And now you were left with the uncertainty of what came next.

Because the break was supposed to answer that concretely, and it had. It made you realize what you already knew, that you wanted it all with Tucker.

But you couldn't have that, not anymore.

Because he had broken his own rule, he had slept with someone else.

And now he was having a baby with another girl.

You didn't sleep that night, in fact you didn't even get up from your spot in the couch until your alarm went off at 6am.

You went through your morning routine like a robot programmed to move with eficiency. Then you walked to your first lecture because no matter how shitty your personal life was, the rest of it didn't stop.

Allie and Hannah found you on your way back to your apartment after your last class. You didn't even notice them by your side until Allie said your name.

"Are you okay?" She asked and then answered herself when you looked at her with glassy eyes "Right, dumb question"

Hannah gave her a look "Can we stay with you for a while?" You nodded and the three of you didn't speak until you were back inside your place.

"This is not me excusing him or trying to make you guilty of anything because I think he should be feeling this way but he does feel terrible" Allie says once you're all seated in your sofa.

"And we know you probably feel horrible but if I've learned anything in therapy is that you should talk about it" Hannah adds.

"I don't know what to say" You admit "It just feels like my life crumbled in an instant and I- I couldn't do anything about it" You shake your head "No, it feels like I had been blinded by this fake sense of safety while everything around me had already broken"

"Oh babe" Allie pulls you in when your shoulders start shaking and tears fall down.

"I went into the coffee shop thinking I'd come out of it in his arms" You say in between shaky breaths "And the worse part is that I don't think I can blame him for sleeping with someone else when I told him it was okay to do so, and him having this kid and being in their life is the most Tucker thing ever I can't even be mad at him for it"

"You can be mad" Hannah says "He told you he wouldn't sleep with anyone else and then he went and did it anyways"

"We were on a break"

"That was complete bullshit by the way" Allie adds "You kissed someone and then felt guilty about it for a week straight, you kept asking us for updates on him and I he wouldn't go a day without asking about you"

There's a knock on the door.

"That must be Grace" Hannah goes to open the door.

"Alright, crisis package, dinner from Malone's, half the shelves of candy from the gas station, every ice cream tub that didn't sound gross and wine curtesy of one John Logan because I still can't buy alcohol myself" Grace, who had been shy and skittish when you first met her but was now that you were friends a total firecraker, lifted her arms full of bags.

"Thanks Gracie" You mutter.

You're 30 minutes into Chicago when Dean, who'd joined right before you decided to start the movie informing that he was a part of the 'hating John Tucker club' spoke up "You know, I told Allie once that we could sic Logan on her ex, I think we could do the same with yours"

"You're not beating up your best friend" You tell him, no matter how messed up the situation is for your relationship with Tucker, you know he's going to need a support system now more than ever and the guys have to be that for him.

"And you're not using my boyfriend for your twisted ideas" Grace adds.

"Okay, fair, no Logan, but I think I can take him on myself" The blonde nods sipping on his wine, the sight of him is so comical that if you weren't teetering towards a meltdown you'd laugh. He has a sheet face mask on, his hair is held back with a bunny hairband and he's sipping on a half empty glass of cheap rosé.

"Sure you can big boy" Allie pats him on the arm and shakes her head at you from behind him.

"Thanks for being here guys" You say.

"Hey! We're family" You wish that was true, but you know things have to change, these are Tucker's people and you don't plan on taking them away from him or making them choose sides, you don't plan on abandoning them all together, but you do need to put some distance between you.

You nail the distance part, it's easy when everyone is rushing around during their last few weeks of class before graduation. You don't talk to Tucker at all, at some points his messages stop coming in and last you heard about him he'd decided to stay and move to Boston, you hadn't been looking for that information, rather his mom had called you and told you.

And while you still had no contact with Tucker, his mom was a whole other challenge. She'd called regularly, tried to convince you to talk to him and was dead set you would be getting back together.

You'd since chosen to forgive Tucker.

Not that you'd told him that, but you held no resentment anymore, you decided you needed to move on.

So you got a job, in Boston because you didn't have enough money to move anywhere else, plus even if you did, you had no idea where you'd go.

And then, when your life was just starting to take shape again, destiny, or whatever grand power that existed decided that you just needed to reconnect with him.

You are struggling with the books and binders in your arms that didn't fit into your bag, student papers threatening to fall out when you pump into a stroller.

"I'm so sorry" You look up only to be shocked by the person in front of you. Tucker.

"y/n" Your name sounds irrationally unnatural yet so familiar out of his lips.

"Tuck, hi" then the baby makes a sound, tiny and bothered, like a complaint to her father for stopping "Oh"

"Uh, this is James" He doesn't know what to say, over the past 8 months he's been trying to come up with multiple scenarios of what he would do if he were ever in this position again and now that he has you here he doesn't know what to say.

You nod and give him a small smile "Cute, congratulations" Then you lift up the books in your arms "I've gotta go, got some work to do, have a nice day"

"You too" Tucker lets out because he is an idiot but then he curses himself and turns around calling your name "Any chance we could meet up? I think we uh… I think I owe you a talk"

"Oh… I- um" You don't know what to say, you want to, you really want to, but you're not sure it is the best idea. You know him and Sabrina are not together, both his mom and the girls made sure you knew that, still, you can't help but to think you meeting up with him will mess something up between them, something neither of you can afford "I don't know Tuck"

"Okay" He sighs resigned "But if you ever decide you do want to talk, my number is the same"

You nod and walk away.

A week, it's all it takes for you to crumble.

In your defense, you weren't planning on texting him, not until Tucker told Logan that he'd seen you and asked to talk and then Logan told Grace who told Hannah who told Allie who told Dean, because thankfully the two were back to being friends, and Dean reached out.

"You don't owe him anything" He'd said "And I know he really hurt you, but I do think if there's even a speck of a chance of wanting to hear him out you should. I know I would've really regretted not talking with him"

And so here you are, walking into a coffee shop that reminds you a little too much of Bean There. Tucker's already at a table with his drink, yours and a cinnammon roll in between waiting for you.

"Thank you" It's the first thing he says after your initial, awkward, greetings "For hearing me out"

"Don't thank me yet" You try to joke "I just got here"

He nods "And you can leave whenever you want"

"So…"

"I hated myself the moment I realized what I'd done. Before I even knew she was pregnant, I'd already decided I was going to tell you about it" He cuts to the chase "But it wasn't something I thought I should tell you over a text or a call and then for one reason or another I never found the time to meet up with you, the team was drowning, I was swamped with assignments and Dean was going through his Allie crisis"

"Okay" You nod and take a sip of your iced mocha.

"I'm sorry, I know that doesn't change anything but I really am, because I promised I wouldn't do that to you and then I went and I broke that promise"

"We were on a break" You spew out the same words you've been using to justify the situation this whole time "You were free to sleep with whoever you wanted, in fact, I told you you should sleep with other people"

"I didn't want to though" He lets out "That's the thing. I was angry that night, mom was putting pressure on me for my plans to come back, and I still wasn't used to not being able to just call you and none of my friends seemed to be around and I just… I don't even know why I did it, I just know I regretted it the second it was over"

"I kissed Justin Kohl and then had a week long meltdown over it" You admit, you don't know why, but you feel like you have to.

He laughs because yeah, that sounds like you, you've always been an overthinker, never been able to acept things happened and move on quickly.

"I'm not with Sabrina" He tells you "I'm not telling you that thinking you'll just take me back, but I think you should know. We tried, a couple months after I told you about the pregnancy we thought maybe we could try to become something more, give our kid a typical family, but we couldn't. She was extremely busy with school and the pregnancy and I couldn't get you out of my head for a moment. So we decided we were better as just co-parents"

"I don't know what to tell you" You say.

He nods "That's fair"

"I'm not mad at you anymore, haven't been in a while" You don't look up at him while you speak, afraid of what you'll find in his eyes if you do "I think you did the right thing for yourself, the Tucker thing"

"I think so too" He nods even though you don't see him "But only halfway"

"You're missing your mom" You say remembering how his future plans always included his mom, no matter how much they changed, she was a part of every single one of them.

"No" He replies fast, you look up with raised eyebrows "Well yes, but… I'm also missing you" He admits "After we met there was never a version of my future I could picture without you in it. And then I went and I fucked up and I think about that every single day"

"Tuck-" He shakes his head stopping you.

"I know you probably want nothing to do with me anymore. But if this is goodbye I need you to know you'll always be it for me, I will spend the rest of my life wishing I could go back and do things right"

"Tuck" Your gaze softens and you place a hand on top of his "You can't say that. You don't mean that, because if things had gone differently you wouldn't have your daughter and I know for a fact you don't regret her, you wouldn't, ever, because that's not the kind of person you are John Tucker"

"So either way it's a lose lose huh?" He sighs, his fingers intertwining with yours.

You close your eyes and take a deep breath hoping you won't regret this "You haven't lost me" His expression lightens up "I mean, I don't know if we'll ever go back to the way it used to be, we're not that people anymore. But we also dont't have to be strangers, we can't, there's too much history between us"

"You have no idea what this means to me" He lets out a shaky chuckle "You know I'm a patient hardworking man baby, we'll get there, it will take time, and things will be different, I know that, but I also know we belong together"

"You're sounding awfully cocky over there sir" You joke.

"Oh honey you have no idea"

You really don't.

Because over the course of that year John Tucker embeds himself so deeply into your life without you realizing just how much he does so.

It's in the little things, morning messages, check in calls, lunch dates, iced mochas and cinnammon rolls.

By the time you catch up with him, he's showing you his new business, a bar.

A bar with a duplex on top of it, one unit completed as a safe space for his daughter and her mother, the other a work in progress, way smaller, something not definite, a place to rest until life gives him back all those plans he had with you.

Eventually you meet Sabrina and James and you're surprised to find the woman being so open about the father of his daughter dating another woman, she's a bit cold at first, overprotective of her daughter as any mom would if another woman was brought into her life the way you were.

But then, one night when Tucker was downstairs swamped with bar work she knocked on Tucker's unit, baby monitor in one hand, glass of wine in the other, a peace offering, even though there was no conflict between you. An apology that was not needed, and a new friendship request.

"We're going to be in each other lives for the rest of out time in earth" She'd said "I've seen the way Tucker looks at you, I saw him when you weren't around and there's no doubt in my head that he will never let you go again. But that also means you'll be in James' life and I just hope you can someday love her as much as you love him. So what I'm trying to say is, I'd like it if you and I were friends, or cordial at least"

You'd fallen in love with James from the first time you spent some time with her. The little girl was all the good traits of her parents combined, and you already loved Tucker and had come to respect Sabrina so much that the task seemed effortless.

She was the flower girl on your wedding, then there the day her little sister was born, and when her little brother did too, and her and Sabrina were there for first birthdays and first words and first steps. And you vacationed together at the family farm in Texas for a few weeks every year.

In the end, your life with Tucker seemed nothing like you'd planned, but you knew now that you wouldn't change a thing because you loved your non-typical family. You loved your kids having a bonus mom and you loved your three kids and you loved your husband and they were all healthy and happy and nothing else mattered.

“Hey, aren’t you off today?” Robby asks when you walk through the doors of the pitt, he’s right, you left yesterday bragging about having two whole days off and your plans of spending the entire time in bed.

“Couldn’t let you leave without saying goodbye” You wink, Robby leaving is not something you’re thrilled about, but he’s a grown man who can make his own decisions plus he’s the most stubborn person you know and even with everyone trying to convince him this trip is a bad idea he’s still set on getting on his bike after his shift is done “Plus Dana called, said you need someone to watch over a baby”

“Yeah, baby Jane Doe, got abandoned in the bathroom this morning, she’s doing okay I think, we’re trying to find her a placement but until then she’s stuck in the peds room” He explains.

“Well, I’ve got her until then, or until my next shift at least” You smile at him.

“Great, remember to sleep when she does” He reminds “And-“

“Dr.Robby we’ve got a 16 year old with a gunshot wound to the chest” Javadi rushes in with a patient in a gurney.

“Trauma 2, right behind you” He lets out “I’ll come see you later” And he was off.

“Hey honey” Dana greets you “Thanks for coming in, we’re all hands on deck today, especially with the screens down”

“No problem, I’m glad to get my fix of baby cuddles” You tell her.

“I’m sure a certain someone will be glad you’re quenching your baby fever” She teases, your relationship with Mateo is not supposed to be a secret, but you’re both very private about your outside lives. The only reason Dana knows about it is because last month after a particularly rough shift that had a lot of the day crew covering hours way into the night shift and losing a patient sent you into a panic attack he was the one you’d asked for when she found you curled up in a storage closet. After you’d calmed down you’d come clean to Dana about it and she’d promised to keep the information to herself.

“We have no time for a baby” You shrug “Not right now”

“I hear ya” She says directing you to the peds room “My babies are all grown up and I still think I need more hours in the day”

“Oh my God she’s tiny!” You say standing in front of the bassinet she’s laying in “Hi sweet girl”

“She’s due for a bottle in an hour and someone will probably come for a check up at some point later today” Dana explains as you pick her up “I’ll leave you to it”

You don’t say anything back because you’re already enchanted by the little girl in your arms.

You don’t even realize you’ve fallen asleep or how long it’s been, you just remember changing and feeding her and next thing you know you’re being waken up by your boyfriend.

“Hey baby” His voice is soft and quiet as to not disturb the baby or your sleepy state.

“Hey” You rub your eyes with one hand “What time is it? Are you on shift already?”

“I’m like 25 minutes early” He shrugs “You look comfy”

“I am” You reply, you’re laid on the recliner next to the beds while baby Jane Doe rests on your chest, and you have a donated quilt over you both “I love baby cuddles”

“Don’t go getting any ideas now” He teases.

“Don’t let me catch you holding her then” You shrug smiling.

“Oh Mateo, you’re early” Princess walks into the room “You wanna check on her?”

“Not clocked in yet” He tells her “I should probably go do that. I’ll see you later? Come find me before you leave”

“Yeah” You say and he leans down to kiss your forehead before leaving.

“Jesus” Princess sighs shaking his head “If you don’t come back to your next shift pregnant I’ll be surprised”

“Princess!” You exclaim with wide eyes making her laugh.

A few hours later you find yourself outside of the hospital picking up some food you ordered, two sub sandwiches (one for you and one for Mateo) and a whole tray of cookies for the rest of the staff. When you walk back though, you find your boyfriend in the peds room with baby Jane Doe in his arms as Ellis does a check up on her.

“She seems to be doing perfectly fine, just needs her next feed probably”

“So remind me again, how much maternity leave do we get?” You ask from the door.

“Not nearly enough” Ellis replies “I’ve gotta go check on another patient, good luck” She pats Mateo’s arm and walks out.

“Don’t look at me like that” He smiles at you, the baby still in his arms.

“I warned you” You raise your eyebrows at him “Shit you look hot with a baby in your arms”

“Hey! No swearing in front of the tiny ears” He scolds you “Also, I was just doing my job and helping Ellis with the check up”

“So why are you still holding her then?” You ask, he looks down at her with the softest look ever and you decide then being here with him holding a baby is way too dangerous “You ready for a break? I got you a sub?”

“Hell yeah” He sighs out putting the baby down in her bed.