well, known pirate

maybe i’m just sleepy and cranky today but every time i’ve opened tumblr i have within two pages gotten fed up and angry about the absolute HORSE SHIT u all make me read

everyone shut the fuck up and post baby birds

oh yes that’s my favourite kind of bird

What’s funny is that this actually happened. 

I’m unfamiliar with this story please elaborate

Finnish soldier gets separated from the rest of his unit but he’s the only one carrying the emergency amphetamines for the unit, takes too many and goes on a one man rampage for like 2 weeks straight giving the opposing Soviet soldiers nightmares for decades. Oh and he did it all on skis. 

Did he survive?

Yes, during his methed up 2-3 week rampage he got injured by a land mine, travelled 400km on skis, and only ate pine buds and a Siberian Jay that he caught which he ate raw. When he made it back to Finnish lines he was taken to a hospital where it was found his heart rate was nearly 200 beats per minute and his weight had dropped to 43kg (94.7lbs).

Those are the eyes of a man who has seen god and laughed

Those are the eyes of a man who saw satan and asked for his number

Those are the eyes of a man who saw satan and asked for his number Haiku Bot v2021.1~beta I make mistakes. I am buggy too. Sorry! | HAIKU BOT NO! Paypal | Patreon

Haiku bot, babe, you already did this one. Good try though, mate

Thanks for pointing out my visible fuckups, why don’t you eat cheetos flavored popsicle instead of insulting me or my haikus?

HAIKU BOT???

Haiku bot went on its own murder spree.

worth watching for the end

thank you! I couldn’t find that one in google!

These are all canon.

this is my favourite post

They’re updating their relationship status to “sworn brothers”

THE PRINCESS BRIDE ONE OH MY GOD

What I love about this is that you can absolutely date the production based on technology used.

fuck all philosophy except for whatever the hell Diogenes was trying to teach

How about just being polite & going into a debate with those who hold diffrent beliefs then you?

how about you eat my shit and hair

Diógenes said you couldn’t spit anywhere but in the face of a rich man because once this rich dude invited him into his house and literally told him you can’t spit on anything that touches the floor so Diógenes spit in this guys face

I love that Diogenes is making a comeback in the twenty-first century.

fyi the answer was 9 very strong toy cars

The way his face jumps around and the mario music really just pulls the whole thing together