Peter Solarz

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@weirdlittlebat

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God, can you imagine someone from Finland (or wherever) heading to a Midwestern state fair and eating every variety of fried thing imaginable?
flex on em
EXCUSE ME?
That reveal though
the russian commentary is truly the best part though
“He’s huge!! So chubby!”
“Is he gonna goddamn dive already for fuck’s sake?”
“Just let him catch his breath, let him catch his breath!”
That is a Steller’s sea lion. Adult males can get up to 2500 pounds. Big suckers. Only things larger in the pinniped family are walruses and elephant seals.
They can also hold their breath for 20 minutes so he probably wasn’t too stressed from being caught in the net.
They tend to follow fishing boats and steal fish from the nets, as well as eat the bycatch that’s thrown overboard, because it’s less effort. This guy probably was trying to steal fish just at exactly the wrong time.
Men: *spraying the hose*
HIM:

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thinking about statues of Grace being built all around Erid years after his passing so he can continue to watch over Eridians as they sleep
Five hundred cigarettes
thinking of a scenario where dick gets to play as superman for a school event and clark feeling immeasurable pride & joy over his step-sidekick
For context: Jonis Josef is a famous Norwegian comedian.
How dare you leave this in the tags.

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friend is trying to sell her car bc shes moving to a state with vehicle inspections and her prius lives in defiance of god. anyway so shes cleaning it out at my apartment complex bc we have dumpsters and her roommate forgot to pay the trash bill. i will be liveblogging my experience watching her do this and you will understand why i refuse to help her
-threw out the floor mats entirely bc theres magic the gathering cards molded into them
-found an axe formely belonging to a friend who is now in jail
-four trash bags worth of clothes and an untold amount of fast food trash
guys theres a pile of chicken bones down there from wingstop im so scared
AND i hear "hey dude can i use ur washing machine real quick" and she pulls out a pair of pants from, i shit you not, 1940 and theyre moldified into a SOLID. those pants survived a war and couldnt last a year in her fucking shitbox istfg
shes cleaning out the Broken Glass Area of the backseat (normal thing to have. been there FOUR FUCKING YEARS)
fuckin blindly sticks her hand under the seat and pulls out a fully intact URANIUM GLASS PLATE. "for you :D" ... GIRL
"oh no i disturbed the nursery section of The Colony!!! D: D: " awesomesauce. i hope an asteroid comes and kills us both
i swear to god im not exaggerating here. anyway heres an incomplete list of everything we found inside:
-axe (stolen)
-earrings made out of dentures
-flavored condoms
-a quilt
-hello kitty sweater (stolen from a DIFFERENT ex-friend with a felony charge)
-deer spine
-baseball sized wad of human hair
-""sex apron""
-uranium glass plate
-pile of non-uranium non-car glass
-rollerblades
-complete phantom of the opera cd set
-magic the gathering cards mold-ified into a brick
-lego millennium falcon
-a CUTLASS??? (for "self defense")
-the back bumper of the car
-an entire fucking ant colony
and finally, perhaps the most disturbing,
-a pack of vanilla wax melts, inexplicably unmelted and intact despite sitting inside this terrarium-with-a-prius-wrapped-around-it in 100 degree heat for god knows how long
i must stress: before today she DID NOT KNOW about the ant colony in there . she thought ants just really liked to climb inside anytime the car was parked.
guys i cant take it anymore
bringing this post back bc i found a video of her offering me the phantom cd set and i said no because the box was coated in a syrupy mat of human hair and she was confused because "we know whos hair it is" ???? as if the origin of the hair was the only fucking holdup
you will never catch me complaining about an actress on a tv show having an imperfectly concealed pregnancy or a character going on a sudden trip somewhere while her actress is on maternity leave. so many actresses (and women working in any other field) are fired, punished and pressured into making reproductive decisions for their employers' convenience & if i have to try a bit harder to suspend my disbelief then that's absolutely what i'm going to do if it means people are getting to exercise reproductive & bodily autonomy without punishment
My favorite writing of this was how Star Trek DS9 handled Nana Visitor's pregnancy. It felt out of character for her character (Kira Nerys) to get pregnant and it's the semi-utopian future, so presumably birth control works quite well and abortions are easily available. Solution: another female character gets pregnant, is injured in an emergency situation, and Kira agrees to act as surrogate. They effectively wrote this entire story line well enough, with implications for the dynamics between Kira and the biological parents, that I didn't realize until later that the actress was actually pregnant. I thought it was just an interesting plot line.
yeah the hero lead our whole party into a forcefem dungeon so thats why we're all girls now. to be honest its fine. we're all happier this way, but it has messed with out synergy. our knight turned into a shortstack and now her old armor doesnt fit, but she refuses to buy a new and just uses her shield to defend herself. it works but her tunic leaves nothing to the imagination and its really fucking distracting
our cleric is dealing with the fact that it was only so easy to keep up her vow of chastity because she hated the idea of having sex as a man. we keep telling her that her magic has nothing to do with not having sex but i guess its a lot of shame to unlearn. unfortunately she is REALLY horny and keeps getting lost in fantasy and thinking out loud while healing us.
the hero is the worst of it. shes mostly normal until we're fighting any women, and then shes so eager to give up. she starts acting like we have no chance and we need to give up and surrender. then she starts taking off her armor and clothes. she often does this after taking out any men we're fighting on her own so no one really buys, but they're so confused im able to blast any one left with magic, but i dont whats gonna happen if she does this with a woman i cant take out.
No, I am NOT jealous that im the only one the forcefem dungeon left "flat chested." Im not even flat! I have b cups!
okay but imagine how inconvenient the streets of Central City, Amestris, is. Like yeah yeah country wide alchemy circle aside- can you IMAGINE the traffic? Like for the Love of Truth can we add another lane on this road?? The cars are backed up for miles! The urban planning board must be the sorriest people in the world. They got no clue what an alchemist circle looks like BUT the Fuhrer keeps showing up for an ominous visit every time they try to get a modicum of reasonable city layout. The zoning laws have got to be pure evil.
how many accidents do you think there are on the Central Command Roundabout in an average day
The crest of blood in the center was carved over the course of multiple years via traffic fatalities
At that point who even needs a genocide.
Continued:

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I just received an email from my building management company which opens
On Monday, from 1:30 PM to 1:37 PM, several residents have volunteered to host a brief tutorial in the laundry room for anyone interested in learning more about proper use of the equipment.
That is a leviathan passing beneath the ice of my peaceful fishing hut if ever I saw one.
The passive-aggressive nature of declaring it will take only seven minutes, but precisely seven minutes, for people to actually learn how to use the laundry room is amazing (I'm figuring five minutes to present and two minutes for questions).
The sad thing is, I've lived here long enough to know this informative presentation is absolutely necessary.