mitch mcconnell is siphoning the life force off other politicians

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Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her

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Andulka

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$LAYYYTER

if i look back, i am lost

YOU ARE THE REASON

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@noknowshame
mitch mcconnell is siphoning the life force off other politicians

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Dude... allow me to add to your trove.
I have a folder of these on my phone... I'm not sure what that says about me!
I love asking people how their parents met. You always get an interesting reply. My best friend’s parents met on the relatively new internet in 1999. My other friend’s parents met at Burger King when one was the manager and the other was a regular customer. My parents met at the beach because they were neighbors in their rental houses, mom was on a church trip and dad was getting blackout drunk every night with his friends next door.
Tell me how your parents met in the tags.
Forgot to close a parenthesis and now spirits enter me like a waterslide

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I love thinking about “lost episode” creepypastas from a production pipeline POV. I wanna be the guy who gets handed a script about a main character brutally dying with no actual plot and is like “Yeah sure. Greenlighted.”
“Everyone who watches this cursed Simpsons episode dies immediately afterwards” The storyboarder died on the spot right after they finished their work. Every single animator dies after they finish their cut, the studio just has to keep hiring new animators to replace the dead ones. They lost too much money already they HAVE to finish the episode that kills people.
emily wilson translating the odyssey a second time???
I dreamt of a rocky horror type mad scientist who was splicing dna from famous gay porn stars to create the world’s most perfect cocksucker but no matter how many of them he cloned they kept turning out straight or ace or not men and running away to use their skills to join brass bands
the reason 'grackles' are called that is because they're part of a grassroots cackling movement. the more you know
area man convinced that god is in gay love with them

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me: I don't know... I keep having that dream. Where there's a man at my door just pounding and pounding making some kind of barking noise. All the tree branches outside my window are making this, t-this wretched scraping squealing noise against my window. The winds blowing, there's thunder in the distance, I try to cover my hands but my hands are puppet hands..... I just don't know what it means. The mans screaming MY name, but there's no way I know him, his voice is so unfamiliar, but so clear, like he's in my fucking ears,
therapist: You said you have puppet hands in this?
me: Yeah, everything's puppet.
Christopher Nolan almost allows colors into his mythical epic shot on 70mm IMAX film. thank god they stopped filming in time.
nobody even knows how normal i am on account of my being obviously crazy
we’re really at that point in the year where no one cares about anything huh
My psych professor mentioned swaddling in lecture so I emailed him a picture of me being swaddled in my dorm room and asked if I could get extra credit because it was really hot in there and I got really sweaty and he was like “fabulous, sure”
I’m going to miss the Honors Advisor from my university.
This is definitely my favorite email i’ve recieved from a professor, with the subject line “back at it”.
one of my all-time favorite emails
A standard porno with the bad acting and music and whatnot but partway through the action the camera pans to a millipede and hunting spider locked in a duel for survival, the sounds of sex fade out and the scene in the background blurs, epic battle music starts to play

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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there's this one gay porn studio i'm subscribed to email updates for just because i am never prepared for what each email contains
pretentious gay sluts i am very fond of you
i love when new Cleo Lore drops. what an odd, interesting life you lead!!
you see I don’t actually believe I have a more interesting life than anyone else. I just think I’m a storyteller and am more apt to talk about interesting things when they happen to me