a mixture of beautiful pictures, quotes, and my writing, with a splattering of nerd stuff here and there. she, her. literally have been here since middle school.
does anyone know any good tumblr posts or fics or whatever analyzing shane's relationship w masculinity in the nuanced way it deserves. want to know how people are fully fleshing out the crumbs of this aspect of his characterization rr gave us
nothing abt being a beloved captain in a locker room, or toxic masculinity hockey culture & what he says nothing abt, or fabian salah, or the asian stereotypes of it all, or as a young billeted juniors adult..NOTHING....
shout out to @silverssorrysoul for the fic recs. now to present my findings to shane nation đŹđľď¸ââď¸ yippee!!!
i think the thing that interests me most abt shane + ilyaâs relationships to masculinity is that shane experiences masculinity as something incredibly fragile and conditional while ilya experiences it as basically innate.
for shane, masculinity has to be continually proven through:
captaincy
cups
discipline
emotional restraint
body optimization
heterosexual performance
control over literally every aspect of himself
heâs constantly trying to outrun suspicion.
whereas ilyaâs masculinity is so rooted in appetite and physicality and certainty that queerness barely destabilizes it at all.
ilya wants things openly and it doesnât make him feel lesser. shane wants things and immediately experiences that wanting as humiliation.
which is why so many of these fics end up centering:
shame
desire
control
self-surveillance
in shaneâs POV specifically. even sexually, he treats love like something you earn by becoming indispensable rather than something you can simply receive.
and i think thatâs also why the misogyny stuff is so important/uncomfortable/compelling in his character. a lot of shaneâs resentment toward women feels tied to the fact that theyâre allowed forms of vulnerability/desire/femininity he experiences as emasculating in himself.
like when he wants ilya to come in him or wants to be âspecialâ compared to women, itâs not really just jealousyâitâs this desperate attempt to win masculinity back through intimacy itself (lol and also maybe a little jealousy bc hollanov is freak4freak forever <3). if he can give ilya something no woman can then maybe heâs still:
safe
superior
wanted correctly
meanwhile ilya moves through hockey culture almost untouched despite being arguably way more visibly sensual/queer because he occupies masculinity so aggressively that people read everything else around it instead of through it
i honestly think shane spends most of his life trying to survive masculinity while for ilya it's just a language he already knows how to speak.
and i also think shaneâs asian-canadianness complicates all of this in a way fandom sometimes only brushes up against. hockey masculinity is already such a white cultural institution, and shane grows up understanding very early that heâs being read before he even opens his mouth:
too pretty
too controlled
too disciplined
too careful
too quiet
not physically imposing in the ârightâ way
so a lot of his hyperperformance of masculinity feels inseparable from overcompensating against both queerness and racialization.
thereâs this constant anxiety in a lot of these fics that he cannot afford softness because softness will not be read neutrally on him. and i think thatâs part of why his internalized homophobia gets so vicious and self-surveilling: heâs not just terrified of being gay, heâs terrified of confirming every way hockey culture already half-suspects heâs insufficiently masculine
meanwhile ilya gets buffered by:
whiteness
europeanness
physical aggression
the ârussian machineâ archetype
people read his intensity and appetites as masculine excess instead of deviance. but shaneâs restraint itself becomes suspect.
which makes it especially tragic that the traits he develops to surviveâ
perfectionism
emotional control
relentless self-discipline
food issues
obsessive/self-punishing behaviors
âare also the things that leave him fundamentally unable to believe he deserves love without earning it first.
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They had agreed, Yuna and him, to stay out of Shane's relationship. No advice. No helpful hints. Nothing unless asked. Which, given Shane's history, wasn't likely.
But, given Shane's history - was perhaps necessary.
Ilya's house in Boston was lovely. He'd been all puffed up, showing them around, sending sly glances at Shane when Yuna complimented the design and asked after the builders. It was also...very open. Cavernous. Echo-y, even.
David's hand twitched toward the tv remote and Yuna tutted. She was listening intently to the play-by-play behind them, almost drowned out by the clatter of dishware.
Almost.
They were holding back remarkably well, for a first-couple-fight. Or maybe a first-fight-in-front-of-the-in-laws.
"Keep your voice down!" Shane snapped for the third time.
Yuna ticked a finger up. She was keeping count. And judging.
This had to be a first-couple-fight. They hadn't quite learned how to do this yet. Either of them. Shane was getting worked up in a way that didn't bode well for the cabinetry and Ilya, well. It seemed like Ilya was just letting it happen.
"No one knows how to argue anymore," Yuna said under her breath, "I should have taught him," overshadowed by Ilya, just a little too loudly telling Shane that whatever it was, wasn't a big deal.
"Mistake," David muttered back.
"Well you only make that mistake once," Yuna bantered like a sports commentator and David smiled helplessly at her.
"C'mon, Yuna. Don't you remember the first time your parents had me over for dinner?"
Yuna snorted, "You were so scared. You let me hen-peck you the whole meal."
He had. But then, it had been awkward, intimidating. Yuna had refused to let him meet her parents until they were engaged, and given him a game plan of exactly what to do at that meeting. Bring gifts. Be respectful. Speak when spoken to. Agree with everything my father says.
"Remind you of anyone else's first impression?" David raised his eyebrows. Ilya had relaxed somewhat with them over dinner. Not enough though. There were obvious silences where Shane would shoot him a look, like he was expecting something. And he still stood like a guilty kid waiting in the principals office. Upright. Hands together.
It had been a relief to see how comfortable he was here, in his own space. Making room for them. How Shane clearly knew his way around.
"He wasn't that bad," Yuna said.
"At least his father-in-law isn't going to imply -"
"My dad didn't mean it like that," Yuna cut him off. She was still keeping tally but her attention was more present now, shoulders less tense.
"He said you had to find a," David huffed and accepted the knee Yuna knocked into his as given. Otousan had been so proud of his English, and so willing to insult him in Japanese. Years after the mans passing and David was still laughing about it. "gaijin to marry because only Western men were weak enough to let you walk all over them."
"First impressions last," Yuna said, as she always did. "And you did!"
"Do I?"
"Well," She leaned close enough their arms touched, which was as good as fireworks from her. "maybe not all the time."
A slam jolted them apart and David counted it lucky that Yuna had put her wine down to keep score.
"Shane."
Yuna's head whipped around so fast David near got a mouth full of her hair. "Settle down, ref - that's not a penalty yet," he whispered. Though it was certainly more forceful than they had ever heard Ilya speak. Not in interviews, not when mic'd up, and never to Shane.
"What?" Shane, at least didn't sound shocked by the tone. He sounded angry. Voice tight in the way he got when he was upset at his own performance.
"Come here."
"Yeah, no. I'm fixing this -"
"Come. Here."
A slam. A squeak of those weird house shoes on tile.
David was familiar with house slippers. House shoes were different. Still, they were comfortable, and it was kind of Ilya to have them ready.
"What?" Shane snarling too loud in the confined space.
"What is this about? Hm? You're yelling about a fucking dishwasher."
"Your dishwasher -"
"Our."
Yuna's eyebrows curved, pleasantly surprised. A finger on her right hand went down.
"If it's our dishwasher, what is the big fucking deal if I re-load it?"
"Fine! Fuck! It's not about the fucking dishwasher, Hollander!"
"Yes it is! Because it's not our dishwasher, it's your dishwasher, in your house. Like. God, why did you even ask me for a list if you weren't going to get anything I put on it? What's the point?"
"What is the point of what, hm? This is about groceries, now? "
"I would have gone grocery shopping. I like grocery shopping."
"So I got, what, wrong groceries? That is why you acting like shit and barely ate dinner? I got wrong groceries?"
"Ilya I have a diet plan -"
"Awful one, yes."
"It already restricts what I can have, so excuse me if I want to get the brands that actually taste or feel right!"
"You tell me this now? Instead of when I ask, or when we cook, or any other time? I'm mind reader now?"
"I don't want you to read my mind - I want. I -"
Something else slammed, and Ilya's voice fell so soft David could barely hear the buzz of it. More shuffling. Quiet, before Shane burst out - "I want to go grocery shopping with you. I could have just got the right things the first time, or argued with you about it then. Do you know how many times I've heard my parents argue and make up in the grocery store. Dad once got organic produce and mom didn't talk to him for 5 aisles because he clearly didn't listen when she was talking about how organic is just good PR and it's more expensive for no reason. We don't get to have that. And I know -"
"Shane. We'll get there."
"I know. This is the plan. I know that."
"Yes! And for now, I don't know, I'll be the crazy person talking on my fucking airpods in the grocery store while you rearrange our kitchen. Okay?"
The sharp tones faded into their normal cadence of bickering, the rough burr of Russian and Shane's hesitant picking at the language. Ilya apparently calling him a little teapot.
Because he was steamed. Right.
Yuna twitched and, unthinkingly, David grabbed her hand, folded her fingers down and brought her knuckles to his lips. He kept them there for a beat too long. They were red and raw, the way they always got in winter because she'd forgo gloves to keep her hands free for texting. "Aisle 6 make up," he muttered, "works every time." Just to feel the way his wife shook with suppressed laughter.
Behind them, the clatter of dishes being done picked up. David almost felt comfortable enough to reach for the remote again, but ticking the volume up now felt. Exposing.
"I feel crazy." He heard Shane sigh. "I want this to go well."
"Yes. I want that too."
"Do you?"
David winced. Shane and that lovely habit of his of sounding so judgmental while asking a genuine question.
"I just mean," Well, at least he learned to catch himself. "You're soâŚ"
"What?"
"Nice! You're like a pod person. You're not giving me shit or teasing my mom for being worse than me at turning it off,"
"Well," she huffs.
"Don't start," David said, squeezing her hand.
"Or calling my dad boring,"
"Well," he said, just to make Yuna laugh.
"Yes. Obviously, I want this to go well, Shane."
"Oh," Yuna whispered. He nudged her, but she shook her head, looking a little lost. "Later."
"I want them to know you, Ilya. The real you."
"No, you don't."
He hadn't realized he'd edged forward until Yuna pulled him back, tapping her thumb against his wrist. "Easy, coach. Shane's got this."
"Don't tell me what I want. Stop being an asshole, Ilya. I just. They're going to love you - I know it. Just fucking. Let us love you."
A glass clicked too hard against the stone counter top. "Laundry's done."
"Ilya." There was the tone back.
"Shane." Passed and returned. "You wanted to have fresh sheets in the guest bed."
"Fucking. Fine."
Quickly, Yuna took her phone out and David leaned into her shoulder, pretending to stare at her screen in a way Yuna only rarely let him because she hated people hovering. Hilarious, as she was practically a professional hover-er in her own right. Usually, if she wanted to show him something, she handed him the phone and watched him read it over his shoulder, or told him about it while he read.
Often, he reminded himself it was her passion that made him fall for her in the first place.
It was only when they heard the dryer slam shut that Yuna relaxed, slightly. "Okay. Rozanov's good for him."
"Ilya," David corrected absently, "and we knew that already."
"Yes, but before, we knew he was good with him, now we know he's good for him. I like him, for Shane." Yuna looked smug. "He knows how to talk to him."
He loved that look on her. The way she settled content, like the cat that got the cream, when everything was going to plan. "And next step is we like him for him, right?"
"Exactly - once he settles a bit with us and we prove he can trust us, I think he'll fit right in."
Smothering a laugh, David pressed a kiss to Yuna's hair. "Divide and conquer, you go get Shane. I'll go to the kitchen."
"Are you sure?"
"I've got this."
And Yuna's wine glass could use topping up. Two birds, and all that.
Ilya barely moved when he came around the corner. His face was doing the Russian-thing. Cold and remote. "I'm sorry you heard that," He said, stilted. "We don't fight, usually. Not off the ice."
Absently, David noted that his English was perfect again. No missed articles or dropped contractions. "No, it's good. All loving couples argue, you know?"
"No. That. Uh, it has not been my experience."
"Ah. Well, it's reassuring, honestly. Shane is Yuna's son through and through. Once they get something in their head and a plan in place," he blew out a breath and mimed something taking off.
The smile that burst on Ilya's face was so wide and fond, it changed him entirely. Boyish. A little silly. And so very much in love. "Oh, I know how he gets."
"I would hate to overstep, Ilya. You've very kindly opened your home to us and we appreciate it."
Smile dimming, Ilya tucked his hands into his pockets, shoulders squaring. "But?"
Ah, damn. David wasn't good at tip-toeing. Never had been. Which was funny, in retrospect. When they'd met, all those years ago, he'd asked Yuna on a date before the end of their first conversation. She told him later that if he hadn't asked her out, she'd have never forgiven him. He just - he knew. David liked her so much and something told him, keep this. Hold onto this. He'd proposed too soon, as well. There'd been some gossip, but Yuna? Yuna was just excited to bring him home.
Her mother always told her, you only bring a man home if you're going to marry him.
"No, I just - " needing to make himself useful, David grabbed a dish towel and I moved to the small things Shane had clearly hand washed at some point. "I wanted to share some advice my father-in-law gave to me before I married Yuna."
Ilya took that neatly on the chin, and David had to watch his reflection in the kitchen windows as he turned away. "Okay." His voice sounded suspiciously thick.
"Sometimes, itâs better to let your wife be wrong in her way than for her to do it your way." David quoted, the quiet, strong inflection on the words was seared into his brain.
Ilya laughed, like David hoped he would, and his eyes were suspiciously bright when he turned back. "Wow."
"I know that's maybe not the most applicable," David started.
"No, no. It's perfect." Ilya grinned, coming over with his own cloth and shooing David with it. "I'm going to tell him this all the time. Go, sit."
"You cooked," David smiled. "And it was delicious."
"It's my house, you're a guest here, your Canadian manners mean nothing to me."
"Is it not our house?"
"Oh! Shane gets his sneaky jokes from you. I see this now."
One day, David thought, he would finish the quote. Otousan had clapped him on the shoulder then, and said, in his deep grave voice.
They had agreed, Yuna and him, to stay out of Shane's relationship. No advice. No helpful hints. Nothing unless asked. Which, given Shane's history, wasn't likely.
But, given Shane's history - was perhaps necessary.
Ilya's house in Boston was lovely. He'd been all puffed up, showing them around, sending sly glances at Shane when Yuna complimented the design and asked after the builders. It was also...very open. Cavernous. Echo-y, even.
David's hand twitched toward the tv remote and Yuna tutted. She was listening intently to the play-by-play behind them, almost drowned out by the clatter of dishware.
Almost.
They were holding back remarkably well, for a first-couple-fight. Or maybe a first-fight-in-front-of-the-in-laws.
"Keep your voice down!" Shane snapped for the third time.
Yuna ticked a finger up. She was keeping count. And judging.
This had to be a first-couple-fight. They hadn't quite learned how to do this yet. Either of them. Shane was getting worked up in a way that didn't bode well for the cabinetry and Ilya, well. It seemed like Ilya was just letting it happen.
"No one knows how to argue anymore," Yuna said under her breath, "I should have taught him," overshadowed by Ilya, just a little too loudly telling Shane that whatever it was, wasn't a big deal.
"Mistake," David muttered back.
"Well you only make that mistake once," Yuna bantered like a sports commentator and David smiled helplessly at her.
"C'mon, Yuna. Don't you remember the first time your parents had me over for dinner?"
Yuna snorted, "You were so scared. You let me hen-peck you the whole meal."
He had. But then, it had been awkward, intimidating. Yuna had refused to let him meet her parents until they were engaged, and given him a game plan of exactly what to do at that meeting. Bring gifts. Be respectful. Speak when spoken to. Agree with everything my father says.
"Remind you of anyone else's first impression?" David raised his eyebrows. Ilya had relaxed somewhat with them over dinner. Not enough though. There were obvious silences where Shane would shoot him a look, like he was expecting something. And he still stood like a guilty kid waiting in the principals office. Upright. Hands together.
It had been a relief to see how comfortable he was here, in his own space. Making room for them. How Shane clearly knew his way around.
"He wasn't that bad," Yuna said.
"At least his father-in-law isn't going to imply -"
"My dad didn't mean it like that," Yuna cut him off. She was still keeping tally but her attention was more present now, shoulders less tense.
"He said you had to find a," David huffed and accepted the knee Yuna knocked into his as given. Otousan had been so proud of his English, and so willing to insult him in Japanese. Years after the mans passing and David was still laughing about it. "gaijin to marry because only Western men were weak enough to let you walk all over them."
"First impressions last," Yuna said, as she always did. "And you did!"
"Do I?"
"Well," She leaned close enough their arms touched, which was as good as fireworks from her. "maybe not all the time."
A slam jolted them apart and David counted it lucky that Yuna had put her wine down to keep score.
"Shane."
Yuna's head whipped around so fast David near got a mouth full of her hair. "Settle down, ref - that's not a penalty yet," he whispered. Though it was certainly more forceful than they had ever heard Ilya speak. Not in interviews, not when mic'd up, and never to Shane.
"What?" Shane, at least didn't sound shocked by the tone. He sounded angry. Voice tight in the way he got when he was upset at his own performance.
"Come here."
"Yeah, no. I'm fixing this -"
"Come. Here."
A slam. A squeak of those weird house shoes on tile.
David was familiar with house slippers. House shoes were different. Still, they were comfortable, and it was kind of Ilya to have them ready.
"What?" Shane snarling too loud in the confined space.
"What is this about? Hm? You're yelling about a fucking dishwasher."
"Your dishwasher -"
"Our."
Yuna's eyebrows curved, pleasantly surprised. A finger on her right hand went down.
"If it's our dishwasher, what is the big fucking deal if I re-load it?"
"Fine! Fuck! It's not about the fucking dishwasher, Hollander!"
"Yes it is! Because it's not our dishwasher, it's your dishwasher, in your house. Like. God, why did you even ask me for a list if you weren't going to get anything I put on it? What's the point?"
"What is the point of what, hm? This is about groceries, now? "
"I would have gone grocery shopping. I like grocery shopping."
"So I got, what, wrong groceries? That is why you acting like shit and barely ate dinner? I got wrong groceries?"
"Ilya I have a diet plan -"
"Awful one, yes."
"It already restricts what I can have, so excuse me if I want to get the brands that actually taste or feel right!"
"You tell me this now? Instead of when I ask, or when we cook, or any other time? I'm mind reader now?"
"I don't want you to read my mind - I want. I -"
Something else slammed, and Ilya's voice fell so soft David could barely hear the buzz of it. More shuffling. Quiet, before Shane burst out - "I want to go grocery shopping with you. I could have just got the right things the first time, or argued with you about it then. Do you know how many times I've heard my parents argue and make up in the grocery store. Dad once got organic produce and mom didn't talk to him for 5 aisles because he clearly didn't listen when she was talking about how organic is just good PR and it's more expensive for no reason. We don't get to have that. And I know -"
"Shane. We'll get there."
"I know. This is the plan. I know that."
"Yes! And for now, I don't know, I'll be the crazy person talking on my fucking airpods in the grocery store while you rearrange our kitchen. Okay?"
The sharp tones faded into their normal cadence of bickering, the rough burr of Russian and Shane's hesitant picking at the language. Ilya apparently calling him a little teapot.
Because he was steamed. Right.
Yuna twitched and, unthinkingly, David grabbed her hand, folded her fingers down and brought her knuckles to his lips. He kept them there for a beat too long. They were red and raw, the way they always got in winter because she'd forgo gloves to keep her hands free for texting. "Aisle 6 make up," he muttered, "works every time." Just to feel the way his wife shook with suppressed laughter.
Behind them, the clatter of dishes being done picked up. David almost felt comfortable enough to reach for the remote again, but ticking the volume up now felt. Exposing.
"I feel crazy." He heard Shane sigh. "I want this to go well."
"Yes. I want that too."
"Do you?"
David winced. Shane and that lovely habit of his of sounding so judgmental while asking a genuine question.
"I just mean," Well, at least he learned to catch himself. "You're soâŚ"
"What?"
"Nice! You're like a pod person. You're not giving me shit or teasing my mom for being worse than me at turning it off,"
"Well," she huffs.
"Don't start," David said, squeezing her hand.
"Or calling my dad boring,"
"Well," he said, just to make Yuna laugh.
"Yes. Obviously, I want this to go well, Shane."
"Oh," Yuna whispered. He nudged her, but she shook her head, looking a little lost. "Later."
"I want them to know you, Ilya. The real you."
"No, you don't."
He hadn't realized he'd edged forward until Yuna pulled him back, tapping her thumb against his wrist. "Easy, coach. Shane's got this."
"Don't tell me what I want. Stop being an asshole, Ilya. I just. They're going to love you - I know it. Just fucking. Let us love you."
A glass clicked too hard against the stone counter top. "Laundry's done."
"Ilya." There was the tone back.
"Shane." Passed and returned. "You wanted to have fresh sheets in the guest bed."
"Fucking. Fine."
Quickly, Yuna took her phone out and David leaned into her shoulder, pretending to stare at her screen in a way Yuna only rarely let him because she hated people hovering. Hilarious, as she was practically a professional hover-er in her own right. Usually, if she wanted to show him something, she handed him the phone and watched him read it over his shoulder, or told him about it while he read.
Often, he reminded himself it was her passion that made him fall for her in the first place.
It was only when they heard the dryer slam shut that Yuna relaxed, slightly. "Okay. Rozanov's good for him."
"Ilya," David corrected absently, "and we knew that already."
"Yes, but before, we knew he was good with him, now we know he's good for him. I like him, for Shane." Yuna looked smug. "He knows how to talk to him."
He loved that look on her. The way she settled content, like the cat that got the cream, when everything was going to plan. "And next step is we like him for him, right?"
"Exactly - once he settles a bit with us and we prove he can trust us, I think he'll fit right in."
Smothering a laugh, David pressed a kiss to Yuna's hair. "Divide and conquer, you go get Shane. I'll go to the kitchen."
"Are you sure?"
"I've got this."
And Yuna's wine glass could use topping up. Two birds, and all that.
Ilya barely moved when he came around the corner. His face was doing the Russian-thing. Cold and remote. "I'm sorry you heard that," He said, stilted. "We don't fight, usually. Not off the ice."
Absently, David noted that his English was perfect again. No missed articles or dropped contractions. "No, it's good. All loving couples argue, you know?"
"No. That. Uh, it has not been my experience."
"Ah. Well, it's reassuring, honestly. Shane is Yuna's son through and through. Once they get something in their head and a plan in place," he blew out a breath and mimed something taking off.
The smile that burst on Ilya's face was so wide and fond, it changed him entirely. Boyish. A little silly. And so very much in love. "Oh, I know how he gets."
"I would hate to overstep, Ilya. You've very kindly opened your home to us and we appreciate it."
Smile dimming, Ilya tucked his hands into his pockets, shoulders squaring. "But?"
Ah, damn. David wasn't good at tip-toeing. Never had been. Which was funny, in retrospect. When they'd met, all those years ago, he'd asked Yuna on a date before the end of their first conversation. She told him later that if he hadn't asked her out, she'd have never forgiven him. He just - he knew. David liked her so much and something told him, keep this. Hold onto this. He'd proposed too soon, as well. There'd been some gossip, but Yuna? Yuna was just excited to bring him home.
Her mother always told her, you only bring a man home if you're going to marry him.
"No, I just - " needing to make himself useful, David grabbed a dish towel and I moved to the small things Shane had clearly hand washed at some point. "I wanted to share some advice my father-in-law gave to me before I married Yuna."
Ilya took that neatly on the chin, and David had to watch his reflection in the kitchen windows as he turned away. "Okay." His voice sounded suspiciously thick.
"Sometimes, itâs better to let your wife be wrong in her way than for her to do it your way." David quoted, the quiet, strong inflection on the words was seared into his brain.
Ilya laughed, like David hoped he would, and his eyes were suspiciously bright when he turned back. "Wow."
"I know that's maybe not the most applicable," David started.
"No, no. It's perfect." Ilya grinned, coming over with his own cloth and shooing David with it. "I'm going to tell him this all the time. Go, sit."
"You cooked," David smiled. "And it was delicious."
"It's my house, you're a guest here, your Canadian manners mean nothing to me."
"Is it not our house?"
"Oh! Shane gets his sneaky jokes from you. I see this now."
One day, David thought, he would finish the quote. Otousan had clapped him on the shoulder then, and said, in his deep grave voice.
if ur ever sad just remember that it's canon that hollanov's longest fight was caused by ilya suggesting shane see other men to explore sex beyond what ilya could give him which caused shane to ignore him for 4 days before calling him a fucking moron for ever thinking shane would want anyone but ilya (making him so relieved that he almost falls to his knees in his empty living room)
I keep replaying the moment Ilya breaks down and literally collapses on top of Shane during their love confession.
Like that relief from him was BURSTING through the screen, that boy just needed someone to love him and to see worth in him and I donât think he even knew how much he needed that until that moment.
I know that the concept of âIlya is Shaneâs babyâ is a popular saying in this fandom and I think this moment is the starkest example of that from the show. Itâs in the way Shane holds him as Ilya goes through all these emotions, as heâs literally gasping for breath into Shaneâs chest.
I just know Ilya felt all that tension pent up from years of denial and doubt simply release from his body all at once in the purest form. I can only imagine the exhaustion he must have felt right after. I could talk about it for days.
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I adore that in the hospital Shane's heart rate goes down instead of up when he sees Ilya. I know a racing heart is common around someone you're attracted to but the lower bpm reads as him feeling so comfortable and safe that even his perpetually active sympathetic nervous system calms tf down. And this is when he's actively concussed with a broken bone btw!!! Holding Ilya's hand physically reduces Shane's stress so much his heart rate drops 20bpm and his oxygen saturation goes to 100%. That's insane. Forget whatever medications they had him on Ilya is his drug of choice for sure
shane only cries from pleasure/sex/humiliation/kink etc he doesn't weep on the daily at the drop of a hat bc that's embarrassing & unpolished & his views on masculinity r rigid as hell. send post
the first season with shane in the centaurs, they made a massive effort to make him feel comfortable around them, and itâs not hard since the centaurs guys are genuinely good people. so as part of that effort they try to hang out at different places they enjoy, wanting to bring ilya and shane along. but they learn very quickly that they simply cannot go anywhere that has any significant way of competing cus the hockey husbands are genuinely insane about beating each other. so now the safest way to hangout is to eat, watch a movie, galleries, museus, various classes to learn something new, amusement park â and even that depends on the classes and amusement park cus thereâs things there that they find a way to turn into a battle â or any type of place that shane and ilya cannot compete against each other. and itâs definitely not better when they team up cus them being a duo is almost as unbearable
During the Hunter fight the commentators are making fun of Shane for never fighting and I love the idea that he actually has fought before, but his good boy reputation completely eclipses it.
Like if you pulled up his stats he'd have four career fighting majors over his entire career. Which isn't none.
His first fight is at nineteen during his second season because Hayden gets absolutely railroaded and Shane and J.J. are over there before they've even finished processing the hit. They're teenagers just operating entirely on "you hit my friend."
Then years go by, some asshole spends sixty minutes taking liberties with a Metro rookie and Shane decides okay, enough. He's no enforcer, but the Metros learn their captain has teeth.
Then the Hunter fight happens. And that's why the Metros separate them immediately. Because if Shane Hollander is dropping the gloves, everyone assumes Hunter must've said something absolutely vile.
Then years later he's on the Centaurs, happily married, living his best life, and somebody cheap-shots Ilya after chirping homophobic bulshit all game. Ilya absolutely does not need Shane to fight for him. Shane fights because somebody just hit his husband and unfortunately his brain has stopped taking calls.
But Shane "Canada's Golden Boy" Hollander absolutely refuses to acknowledge any of these afterwards.
Reporter: "You seemed pretty upset after the hit on Rozanov."
Shane: "I think everyone's emotions were running high. It's hockey. Im no fighter."
ilya pre-outing having a picture of the sunset at the cottage as his phone lockscreen. like all of his other references only shane would understand, he does this because he feels like it's a way he can keep shane close to him when they aren't together. everyone else has pictures with their wife, their children, both as their backgrounds and damn it ilya wants to do that so bad. he wants to make the picture of shane and anya in matching ROZANOV 81 jerseys his lockscreen but he can't, so this will have to do
and the centaurs notice! he rarely leaves his phone laying around like he used to be so lax doing, but occasionally the centaurs will get a glimpse of that background and just wonder. someone comments on it one day and asks where it is, do you have a vacation home roz you should bring us one day during the off season, and ilya just shrugs. it's a sunset. it'll be months years weeks before they ever know that shane and his parents are just off frame, and cut out of the photo is anya's collar they took off while she was swimming, and his mother is in that sunset. they won't know that picture is all of his favorite people
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the boston raiders realised their captain had made it official with montreal jane when he suddenly no longer carried condoms everywhere
ilya used to have one in each pocket. in his wallet. in his phone case. in his jacket lining. in the car. in his shoes. one tucked behind his ear next to the cigarette (which he also seems to have given up on. suspicious đ)
but suddenly after the summer of 2016 theyâre gone. nowhere to be found. carmichael had asked for a condom when they were out partying but when ilya told him he had noneâŚthe whole club went silent like?
you donât have one?! you?? cliff takes his temperature and st-simons checks his pulse.
I think itâs funny when people blame Shane for enabling Ilyas rage baiting when Ilya does it for free. Ilya gets excited when Shane rage baits other players because thatâs his devious little golden retriever. it just encourages Ilya to continue to rage bait. Shane asks âIlya, have you set this player off yet?â Ilya responds with âno Shane, I was waiting to see if you wanted a turnâ so they just take turns rage baiting all the hockey players. I guess you could say itâs their love language?
the communications intern was sent by the centaurs team players to make a funny video with ilya and they approaches him saying âif you can answer this one question without mentioning shaneâs name even once, weâll give you a prizeâ and ilya says âokay, doesnât seem too hardâ and the intern gives a mischievous smile and asks âwhatâs the perfect routine for a good game day?â and ilya begins âfirst i have to wake up cuddling withââ and he stops and looks at the intern who has this smug grin on his face and ilya goes âitâs harder than i expectedâ and the intern replies âthe whole team bet youâd loseâ and ilya raises an eyebrow and says irritably âthen letâs start overâ he composes himself and begins âmy perfect routine is to wake up in my wonderful bed, then brush my teeth and have a hearty breakfast, go to the gym to work out my muscles, drink a protein shake, then take a shower and go practice hockey with my amazing team whom i love like familyâ and the intern ends the recording and goes âcongratulations, i genuinely didnât think youâd pull it offâ and ilya gasps putting his hand over his heart and goes âdo you guys think iâm obsessed with shane?â and the internâs like âno?â and ilya replies âi am, whatâs my prize?â and the intern calls out louder âbring in the prizeâ and shane wearing a sweatsuit and glasses with his hair still wet from a recent shower enters the room looking confused and ilya sighs and goes âitâs the best prize in the worldâ and he raises his arms so shane will come closer and hug him, and shane does. ilya buries his face in shaneâs stomach and says in a muffled voice âshane, the intern is being mean to meâ and shane snorts as he strokes ilyaâs curls and looks at the intern who is laughing at the situation, and shane goes âpoor big russian man being bullied by a 20-year-oldâ and ilya lets out a whine âyeah shane, thank goodness you came to my rescueâ and he looks up and pouts and shane kisses him and says laughing "letâs go home, you big babyâ stepping away from ilya and holding out his hand for him to take so he can stand up and they both say goodbye to the intern. the next day in the locker room the guys start handing shane $10 each, the whole team bet that ilya would lose and shaneâs grinning the whole time because he knows his husband is just as competitive as he is.
hi i was late to work today because i was up at 7 trying to finish snapping birch and i decided it was more important than my morning stand-up (it was). obsessed how you tease us with glimpsesssss of what is actually going on, every time it is revealed something was fake i gasp out loud. i also loveeee how you portray the in-universe hockey social dynamics bc i feel like too many people think of shane a poor little meow meow who doesnât get along with his team and WHY would he have the c if that wasnât true. like they would simply bully you out of there. also this is angstier and i love it >:) canât wait to see what the admirals are plotting and for yuna to continue assembling her (pr) gun in the next chapters <3
I feel like that one announcer in canon called Shane unsociable that one time and fandom just ran with it and I could not disagree in strong enough terms. Shane Hollander is a good captain who was friends with his team is a hill I will fucking die on.
Shaneâs a fun person to be around! People like him! Rose says heâs secretly the funniest person sheâs ever met. And sheâs right! Shane is legitimately very funny at times. He goes to see J.J. at the bar and J.J. is fucking psyched that heâs there too. He spends his free time going with Hayden to take his kids to the aquarium. Heâs so close with the Pike family that his wife has him independently texting her if her husband is violating the swear jar rules. They won the Stanley cup and the rest of the metros sprayed him with champagne in celebration. His teammates were comfortable with him.
And for me the biggest evidence that Shane loved and trusted his teammates remains the fact that he came out to them. You cannot convince me that he would have made that decision lightly. These are the guys who are supposed to watch his back in a sport where he could legitimately be killed if theyâre not doing their jobs. There is absolutely no way to me that he took that decision lightly. He only would have done that if he was close with his team.
Narratively, the tragedy of their rejection comes from the fact that these werenât random assholes Shane already didnât get on well with. No, he saw these guys almost every single day. He traveled with them. He was in their weddings. Heâd met their kids and their partners and their families.
He came out to them because he genuinely believed that they loved him enough to love all of him. And they didnât. And thatâs an unfortunately common tragedy of the queer experience. Sometimes the people you love donât pick you.
Iâm so glad you liked it! Thank you for talking with me!
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#he wants so so badly for the internet to stop thinking about him kissing his boyfriend and. doing other things to him.
did ilya not like, lwk encourage this conversation by talking about them having sex on twitter? i was kind of shocked by that part in chapter 2 (maybe 3 sorry i forgor)
See I was curious if someone was going to notice that bit because Ilya 100% didâwith advance permissionâand this specifically is the bit that the Hollanov camp is playing with fire with the most. They know they could get very seriously burned.
Sex is the aspect of this that they simply cannot escape right now. They wish they could remove it from the narrative and they canât. Thatâs the juicy bit. The bit everyone is thinking about and speculating about and talking about. And part of the reason why thatâs taken such a front seat to the conversation is because of who specifically is involved.
Before this, Shane Hollander had such a clean image that the majority of the internet legitimately thought that Rose Landry took his virginity. He never dated. He never partied. He never went out for drinks. There was not a single person who had ever credibly claimed to have hooked up with him. His own teammates would sometimes tease him about what a choir boy he was, stripping him of a lot of his ability to pretend he had other hook ups he was just keeping quiet. He was out here in interviews evading inquiries into his seemingly nonexistent sex life by claiming to be in love with hockey.
And that guy, that guy was fucking known sex machine Ilya Rozanov this whole time.
In the publicâs eyes, Ilyaâs got a girl in every port. He is Russiaâs Greatest Love Machine. Ra Ra Rasputin is his theme song and it plays whenever he enters the room. His bedpost is just notches. He is the greatest fuck that many an aspiring Slavic model has at least claimed to have had and heâs got the unfortunate kind of digital footprint that means he was leaning into the image by posting on Instagram about fucking someone clean through the headboards and now the internet has in fact figured out that it was. Shane Hollander. Which was the exact fear that had Shane threatening Ilya with castration to delete that post as soon as he found out Ilya made it.
How do you reconcile those two images?
Maybe you donât talk about sex at all. Youâre going to be asked about. Everyone is asking about it. That is the main thing people want to ask about.
Eventually they will have to leave their house. They canât just ignore direct questions from reporters the same way they can tweets. How are they planning on talking about sex? because they are going to have to.
The most tempting optionâfor Shane especiallyâis to just refuse to talk about it. No, fuck you, thatâs private. Which works with Shaneâs image before this.
But it doesnât work with Ilyaâs.
He was Mr. Innuendo before this. Mr. Wink-at-the-Camera. He is not the guy who is going to cloister himself away from implications of sex.
But if he starts doing that, how does the public take it? What do they say about him and what do they say about Shane as the most obvious cause for the change?
I think thereâs a very real chance the internet would use it as another excuse to cast Shane in the âgirlfriendâ role. Heâs the olâ ball and chain now. Itâs cuffing season and he slapped those shackles on tight. Ilyaâs the guy whoâs suddenly tamer to appease his uptight girlfriend.
Guys are stereotypically meant to be more comfortable with sex and talking about it. And Ilya historically has been. If that changes all of a suddenâand if his fanbase of dude bros who have been admiring him all this time for his sexcapades see that changeâsome people are going to start resenting Shane for being another controlling girlfriend who tamed a wild man. Theyâre trying to avoid that implication. You canât blame Shane for a change if thereâs seemingly no change.
Ilya cracking sex jokes on twitter is in part meant to act as a sort of pressure valve. Like, theyâre riding a dragon a little bit here. Public speculation is out of control and it is the most out of control when it comes to their sex life. They donât get a say in the narrative if they just carte blanche donât talk about sex. But if Ilya is his usual no-shame, yes-I-fuck-youâre-welcome self, then heâs able to try and at least direct the current a little. Yes, heâs fucking Shane Hollander, everyone knew that already, and thatâs not something heâs ashamed of because heâs obviously not trying to hide it. And when they get the inevitable âhey whoâs taking it up the assâ question to their faces from reporters or just randos on the street, they have more freedom to be like âthatâs a fucking weird thing to ask another personâ without it coming off like Shaneâs Ilyaâs ball and chain that he needs to keep happy. Women, right?
Itâs not that Shaneâs cracking the whip and forcing Ilya to stop talking about sex. Look, Ilya still talks about sex. Itâs the reporterâs fault for being out of line.
To me, it takes a little bit of the sting out of the conversation. The sex aspect feels a little less scandalous because theyâre not trying to shy away from it. Which is important because the NHL wants this to be a sex scandal.
That is what all of the newspapers are calling it right now. This is not the Hollanov relationship scandalâitâs the Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov sex scandal. And they need to steer the dialogue away from that casting of it.
People are not going to be sympathetic to a hookup gone haywire. Theyâre just not. Sorry youâre being discriminated against but have you considered keeping it in your pants. How do you switch the casting from sex scandal to Hockey Romeo and Juliet?
Again, maybe you try to remove sex entirely from the dialogue. But I just donât think thatâs an option with Ilyaâs image before this. Scott and Kip walked into the spotlight with fully clean images and could pretend that they had their first kiss in front of the Stanley Cup if they wanted. But people already know Ilya Rozanov fucked Shane Hollander through a mattress.
And maybe thatâs all this was. Even if they like each other now, maybe their problems are their own fault because they should have just kept it in their pants to begin with.
Theyâre trying to use Ilya to steer the boat away from the rocks a little bit. Yeah, they fuck. Thatâs a common thing that people in love do. Has Ilya mentioned how much he loves his Shane yet because he does. They are hockey Romeo and Juliet by the way. The sex part is ideally more of an afterthought now. Itâs not a big deal because Ilyaâs acting like itâs not a big deal. You know what is a big deal? How theyâve spent their whole relationship living under such crippling homophobia that theyâve been terrified that one will die and the other wonât be invited to the funeral. Letâs talk about that.
The last thing theyâre trying to do is to subtly rehabilitate Ilyaâs image.
Iâve talked more in other posts about how Shaneâs image took a huge hit with this and theyâre trying to not change it too drastically at risk of coming off as a liar before now. The same is true for Ilyaâs image, just to a lesser degree. And this is the area that I think that Ilyaâs image is most at risk in.
Theyâre trying to sell Hockey Romeo and Juliet. How do you reconcile that with the fact that Ilya spent 6/7 of the years theyâve been together fucking his way across the continent?
He wasnât cheating. They werenât exclusive. Itâs not peopleâs business. But telling people âitâs not your businessâ does not work on the internetâespecially if youâre trying to garner their support for your cause. They want it to be their business as the cost of helping you.
They are trying to avoid the implication that Shane was just a girl in a port for Ilyaâand the implication that Ilyaâs a fuck boy who got in too deep and now needs to pretend to commit to avoid the consequences of his actions. They do not want this to be the gay hockey equivalent of him having gotten Shane pregnant so he has to put a ring on it so people will be less mad at him. No, Shaneâs the love of his life and the only reason why they werenât exclusive sooner is because the NHL kept them apart. They are hockey Romeo and Juliet by the way.
You just donât get a say in the dialogue if you donât join it. Theyâre trying to take Ilyaâs image from fuck boy and land it somewhere around not-wife guy because Shane Hollander is not the girl of the relationship. Implicitly acknowledging that he has sex with Shane and loves doing it because fuck thatâs Shane Hollander I landed be jealous be so so jealous starts the conversation on familiar territory, doesnât try to remove the sex god from his image too suddenly, but lets Ilya try to steer his image away from âman who has sex because heâs a manwhoreâ to âman who has sex because heâs got the best most amazing boyfriend of all time who he is so so so in love with.â
But thatâs all just the aim of the Hollanov camp. This is the most unpredictable part of the narrative for them. It could blow up in their faces and they know it.
Maybe the fact that theyâre obviously not embarrassed about their sex lives makes all the bed-breaking sex they were having less scandalous. Or maybe it emboldens an absolutely rabid fanbase and makes the speculation worse. Yuna Hollander did not get the chance to run the possibilities past a focus group the way she wanted to. They have taken a shot in the dark and are hoping the bullet doesnât hit something important to them.
This entire PR campaign might as well be a list titled Things Shane Does Not Want To Do. In my mind, they had an absolutely excruciating conversation about how they were going to handle the Sex Part and Shane said Yes One Of My Favorite Things To Discuss With My Parents, Fucking Hayden, Hockey Legend Scott Hunter Whose Relationship With Me Suffered After That One Time We Tried To Beat Each Otherâs Asses On Live TV, And Kip Grady A Guy I Have Known For All Of Twelve Hours. How About Everyone Stops Talking About Or Thinking About Me Doing The Thing That I Was So Internally Ashamed Of That It Took Me Seven Years To Be Okay With It On A Personal Level. How About We Hope Everyone Gets Lives And Stops Imaging Me Sucking My Boyfriendâs Dick.
Which uh. Was not the strategy they ultimately settled on. They thought that itâd be too risky with how fixated the public is on it and with how sex-focused Ilyaâs image was before this.
Theyâre hoping that they can make it out the other side of this without their sex lives remaining as a point of international discussion. But they donât know if they can. Theyâre worried.
Hi! Iâve been obsessed with Snapping Birch and kinda stalking u a little because WOW and I have read so much of what youâve posted here about it but I was wondering about one scene idk if you plan to touch on. I just keep thinking about âLilyâ calling in the locker room video and poor Shaneâs reaction and âcan never go homeâ :( and ofc they donât even get to talk right there but Iâm wondering where Ilya was when he found out and how that went on his end of that phone call because he must have been Stressed both for himself and Shane and not being able to contact him, not knowing if heâs okay. Like, was he watching the post game interview? Did he know before? (Also sorry if you already said all this and I just missed it)
I donât plan on touching on this in the fic!
He found out while he was watching the post-game interview with Svetlana.
One of the reasons why this wonât come out in this fic is because Svetlana herself is going to be very noticeably absent in snapping birch. Absolutely everyone in the Hollanov Camp are going to be pretending she doesnât exist because she and Ilya are doing everything they possibly can to keep her out of this media right now. Iâve been fighting the temptation to even have her like, cameo in the background somewhere because honestly I think sheâs too smart to be caught like that.
Strategically, Svetlanaâs public involvement in this just doesnât make sense to me. Sheâs privately got the worldâs most terrifying text thread going with Yuna Hollander right now psychoanalyzing the entire NHL for potential strike members like wolves trying to find a sick sheep to isolate from the herd. But having her be involved in any kind of public show of support just has way more drawbacks than advantages.
From my understanding of canon, sheâs not really a public figure. Sheâs affiliated with public figuresâher dad was a famous hockey player and her best friend is a famous hockey playerâbut she herself doesnât appear to have any kind of like, following or fanbase in-universe. She doesnât seem to be a celebrity. The public involvement of people like Rose Landry, Scott Hunter, and even Kip (now that, in my mind, he has captured the hearts and minds of the internet girlies as the realest y/n there ever was) is critical because they all have fanbases whose support theyâre bringing into the boycott. But Svetlana would just be one voice amongst many on the internetâwith the consequence that she now faces prosecution in Russia for publicly promoting LGBTQ+ interests.
She needs to be able to go back to Russia. For that, she needs to come out of this clean.
Canon doesnât seem to tell us much about her and her home life? I like to think she has people and an extended family back in Russia. If she was implicated in this, she could never go back for them. Theyâre on their deathbed? Canât go back to say goodbye. Theyâre in the hospital with critical kidney failure and sheâs the only donor match? Sorry, she canât fly back to donate and the kidneyâs not surviving the flight to Russia outside of her body. And when they die because she canât donate, she wonât be at the funeral, because haha, sheâll be arrested.
Beyond that, Ilya needs her to be able to go back to Russia.
I am so serious about the fact that he is never, ever going back absent a major change in the Russian political landscape. There is nothing in the fucking world worth that risk. Trying to get him out of Russian detention would be the kind of problem you would legitimately need to get world leaders involved in to fix and even then it would take years. A few years back, there was a dual Russian-American citizen who was sentenced to 12 years in Russian prison because she donated $50 dollars to a charity that supports the Ukraine. She made that donation as an American citizen on American soil, visited family in Russia, and was immediately arrested and charged with treason. It took three fucking years and the direct involvement of the White House to get her out. That was over $50. Ilya would be going back as a famously and controversially queer celebrity.
It is a hard stop for Ilya. He is not going back. He cannot so much as board a plane that crosses into Russian airspace because he cannot risk an emergency landing in Russian territory, that is how bad this is. It does not matter how dire the need is. He is not making it two steps on Russian soil. If he isnât arrested, his violent, homophobic brother with police authority is going to fucking kill him.
He has a niece in Russia.
A niece that he still loves. A niece he may never see again. A niece whoâs living with the man who abused Ilya for years.
He needs Svetlana to have the freedom to go back to Russia because if his niece needs him, he is not going to be able to go help her. He needs Svetlana to be able to do it for him. For that? There needs to be absolutely no public show of support. She has to stay behind the scenes. If you cannot make a $50 donation without facing a decade in jail, you sure as shit cannot publicly support your controversially queer celebrity friend, especially when that friendâs outing just dragged Russiaâs anti-LGBTQ+âs policies to the forefront of the publicâs consciousness. And she and Ilya are both smart enough to realize the risks they were facing incredibly quickly.
In my mind, Svetlana was the only person in Ilyaâs life that knew about Shane. The Raiders didnât know. But she did.
The season after the cottage was hard on them. Shane was struggling with the Metrosâ rejection and his unending fear about what would happen if they were outed and Ilya was sent back to Russia. Ilya was struggling with his depression and his unending fear around what was happening with Shane.
And it just didnât help that it was getting exponentially harder to be apart all the time. They were in love. They had spent years denying their own feelings and they had finally succumbed. Now that they had let themselves be with each other fully, all they wanted was to be together. And they just couldnât be.
There were a lot of secret phone calls. A lot of flying back and forth just so they could steal a few hours together. Sometimes the return flight would be within hours of the inbound flight landing. The last seven months havenât been easy on them.
Shane didnât like the idea of anyone else knowing about him, especially post-Metros, but wanted Ilya to have more support in Boston, and telling the Raiders was a non-starter.
It wasnât that they thought the Raiders would reject Ilya, per se. It was more that they hadnât thought that the Metros would reject Shane.
Hockey captains are supposed to be really involved in their teamâs lives. Like. Itâs beyond just what goes on during the gameâtheyâre meant to be an emotional center for everyone else.
They are meant to set the tone for team morale. Theyâre meant to be the guy who acts as an intermediary between the team and the public, the team and game officials, the team and management. If you have a problem on a hockey team, the first person you go to is the captain.
Hockey captains are responsible for everything from encouraging good work ethic to making sure the rookies have housing. Shane Hollander and his real estate fetish have most likely placed 75% of his teamâs roster into their current homes. He wasnât going out partying with them because he fucking hated partying but that doesnât mean he wasnât close to them.
Like. I refuse to believe that Shane Hollander was letting any hockey-related duty slip. In my mind, he was one of the best captains in the NHL. He was the emergency contact for half of his teammates. If one of them had a baby, he was visiting them at the hospital. He was in their wedding parties. Before this season, you were considered lucky if you got drafted to the metros because the locker room culture was so good. They were close.
I just donât see Shane coming out to his teammates unless he legitimately thought of them as family. He has spent his whole life bodily terrified of anyone finding out he was gay. It took him seven fucking years of actively having gay sex to even say it out loud. He tried to conversion therapy himself. I think he would have spent his entire career in the closet before he came out to teammates he wasnât close to because he had too much fear built up around this for the alternative to be feasible. These were his friends. And Montreal is supposed to be very welcoming to the queer community, culturally speaking. Like. It is a historically queer city. I read multiple travel blogs calling it the gay capital of Canada.
Shane in snapping birch was theoretically one of the safest people in the NHL to come out. He was living and working in a queer hub. He was fresh off a relationship with one of the most famous women alive and the relationship was so publicly beloved that half the internet refused to believe that they had broken up. There was a writhing hoard of new hockey fans out in their stands and they were there because they were Shandry Shane Hollander fans specifically. He was already being talked about as the guy who would likely go down in history as the greatest hockey player of all time.
Like. Shane Hollander in snapping birch pre-outing was a walking talking bag of money in corporate eyes. He was a billion dollars. The team was canonically failing when he was drafted and he turned it around, got them two back-to-back Stanley cups, and caused such a marked increase in viewership that it caused a noticeable increase league-wide. He should have been fucking bulletproof. And he just wasnât.
Shane found himself in a position where the people he was trusting with his life on the ice every night may just let him take hits until one killed him and they didnât even know he was with Ilya. Ilya was fucking terrified for him and Shane was terrified the same thing would happen to Ilya if the raiders found out. Ilya had fucking Russia to worry about and, critically, he wasnât planning to sign another contract with Boston. He wanted to be with Shane and the distance was untenable. He was going to make the jump to Ottawa.
Does the team still keep his secret if he leaves them?
They just couldnât take the risk. Svetlana was already the #1 draft pick of Ilyaâs heart and her competition very quickly ticked down to zero the worse it got with the Metros. Sheâs known Ilya was bi for years and known that heâs been kissing Shane Hollander in the Canadian moonlight for months. She met Shane in person around the time that they told her. He visited Boston so they could get to know each other properly. Ilya spent a morning with them both and then left them in his house together because while Shane had a rare gap in his game schedule Ilya had an away game and he was low key hoping that there would be some mild jealousy because at least that would be affirming of his thing with Rose Landry but that was a total fucking wash. By the time he got back Shane and Svetlana had developed some kind of weird psychic, hockey-based link. They both have terrifying witchy insights around exclusively hockey. Sometimes heâll be watching a game with Svetlana and be like âwho are you textingâ because sheâs smiling at her phone and the answer is always his boyfriend??? He is not invited to the groupchat apparently?? Yuna Hollander is invited to the groupchat???? This is a hate crime against him??
Shane knew he was leaving Ilya at a bad time. Ilya had just found out about his family fucking him over and was still processing. He texted Svetlana asking her to go over to his house and make sure he was okay. She shouldered her cross of listening to Ilya sigh about his boyfriendâs freckles while good hockey was happening and they both stayed to watch the post-game interview. They found out about the leak when Shane was confronted with it in the post game interview, and Ilya immediately started calling Shane.
Hayden was the one who eventually picked up. He didnt pick up right away. He was trying to handle Shaneâs panic attack and the metros being asses. He answered Ilyaâs calls a few seconds before Scott Hunter forced his way in, hissed, âIâm with him Iâve got him Iâm getting him out of here but i CANNOT put him on right nowâ because they were in the goddamn locker room surrounded by assholes and he couldnât risk someone coming too close while they were on their way out and hearing Ilya fucking Rozanov on the other end. He dropped the phone on the bathroom tile because Shane started puking again and Ilya had to stand there shouting âASSHOLE. PUT THE PHONE TO SHANES EARâ because he KNEW his man would be having a category 9000 crashout right now and he knew hearing his voice would make it better. Svetlana, meanwhile, was buying plane tickets on the next flight to Ottawa and shepherding him out the door because oh, fuck, boarding starts in fifteen minutes and the airport is a twenty minute drive.
Scott picked the phone up instead of Shane. Scott was not who Ilya wanted to talk to.
On the drive over, Svetlana and Ilya realized that she couldnât get on the plane with him. And that this was probably the last time they could see each other in person for a while.
At the time they started making decisions, they didnât know Ilya would be outed in the leak too. No one had said his name yet. But they knew the risk was there. They didnât know how much came out in the leak and they knew that if he got spotted in Shane hollanderâs hometown within hours of the world finding out he had a secret boyfriend, people may start connecting the dots.
And, most importantly, they knew the chances of Ilya letting Shane face this alone were nonexistent.
Ilya was staring down a very high probability that his bisexuality would be public knowledge in the next 24 hours. Heâd be walking right into a media feeding frenzy and he was unlikely to emerge unscathed. And they could not risk someone recognizing him and photographing him and Svetlana together at the airport. It would be too dangerous for her.
They said their goodbyes. Svetlana told him heâd better buy a building to meet her in the way loverboy did for him all those years ago. Ilya cried a little and Svetlana didnât but she wanted to. She just thought that if both of them cried then heâd never make it out of the car in time for his flight. She couldnât get out of the car to hug him goodbye and it fucking hurt to give up that last moment together but they couldnât risk her leaving his fuck off sports car with all of its tinted windows obscuring her identity. She cried on the ride home instead and punched the stupid wheel of the stupid car of the stupid friend she wishes she could still be seen with.
The first news articles about Ilya being spotted at the airport post-Hollander leak hit her phone thirty minutes later. Within a few hours, Ilyaâs name started getting floated as a likely candidate for Shane Hollanderâs mystery man.
A few hours after that, she started getting calls from people in Russia.
Iâm glad you like the fic! Thank you for talking with me!
