honk honk

the number 1 rule of fanfic is have fun and be yourself. the number 2 rule is the average healthy adult male can lose roughly 2 liters of blood before dying.

number one hottest thing a girl can be is funny. number two hottest thing a girl can be is lame as hell

going over to my minimalist girlfriend’s house and she apologizes profusely for the mess and there’s just a single perfect, fresh pea on the floor of her living room

Blue Lois

can i help you

Red Marge

jesus christ. I Am Under Fucking Attack

World Heritage Post

i deserve a medal for this post. not because i was particularly funny but because i survived an onslaught of nearly one hundred gimmick blogs in the wake of this post popping off, and the fact that i didn’t try to track any of them down and snuff them out with my bare hands is a testament to my immeasurable strength and should be rewarded. at one point i had “the official letter h” add on to this post. you wanna know that blog’s gimmick? the really funny and original and worthwhile gimmick the official letter h blog had? yep you guessed it they just gave me the god damned letter H and then fucked off. only jesus knows the suffering i endured over that harsh winter, and he wept for me

hey quick question, probably not important - how did you know all that stuff to put in the hypotheticals

[Throws smoke bomb down on the floor] [When the smoke clears I am still in the room with you but lying facedown, possibly dead but more likely unconscious. There is a visible dent in the nearest door.]

sweetiepie OFFICIAL meeting

They should invent a method of asking for reassurance that nobody secretly hates you that doesn't make people secretly hate you.

my problem is if i enjoy something enough i will be nitpicking. i Will have things to say about where and how it failed. out of nothing but love straight from my heart. unfortunately this often makes me indistinguishable from a hater who has never experienced joy or kindness. such is the amateur critic's burden.

all of my favourite things are like beautiful racehorses that trip over their own feet a hundred times. but they get back up again. and goddamn, you should see them run.

my favourite roast of all tiem is ‘‘you look like pepsi max’‘

all movies are for children because the moving image is inherently juvenile. to be entertained by it even moreso

Random tumblr blog roleplays as a philosopher. Shocks the masses by using big words just to say they think theyre better than you because you watch movies. WHHAAAAT?

thats right

the biggest word in this post is “entertained”

being called an old soul when you were kid and knowing you just got diagnosed as a weird cunt

There's always a moment of intense cultural whiplash whenever I realize I'm talking to someone who thinks "legal" and "illegal" are meaningful categories and ascribes innate goodness to following the law. It's like meeting a space alien.

we are so fucking back baby