Fated Urgency Here

thank you for tagging me @coolchickblog ❤︎⁠

- last song: my all - mariah carey

- currently watching: the OC

- current obsession: leopard print, big sunglasses, david lynch, and 90s rock (love love love temple of the dog)

- currently reading: jackie: public, private, secret by j. randy taraborrelli

- currently working on: organizing my space and getting back into girlblogging

- currently wearing: university t-shirt and plaid pj shorts

- last google search: adult ballet classes near me

- favorite flower: can't choose between roses, lilies, and peonies

ty for tagging me @lilac-fairyy

last song: brand new city - mitski

currently watching: pretty little liars

current obsession: autumn, mlp: magic princess game, bianca1207, drawing

currently reading: my year of rest & relaxation (still😞)

currently working on: decorating my room & drawing + journaling more frequently

currently wearing: pajamas😛

last google search: i’ll pass

favorite flower: lily of the valley, cherry blossoms, & tulips 🌷

10 people I'd like to get to know

last song: mariners apartment complex - lanita

currently watching: ginny & georgia (rewatch)

current obsession: vibe curation, scarface, writing

currently reading: the bell jar (still 😀), blind willow sleeping woman (by murakami)

currently working on: not letting the voices kill me and my novel

currently wearing: pajamas im not going anywhere 🥲

last google search: rumi poet

fave flower: gladioli, lotuses, water lilies, tulips, roses

Ten ppl I'd like to get to know 🪷🏹🎼💗🌙🪽

● last song - Nina, pretty ballerina- ABBA

● currently watching - heartstopper (rewatch)

● current obsession - Priscilla, girlblogging, the virgin suicides

● currently reading- the virgin suicides

● currently working on - my novel ♡♡♡

● currently wearing - a ugly red jumper and pink shorts

● last Google search- ao3 .....

● fave flower - Lillie's, Daisies, tulips ♡♡♡

10 people I’d like to get to know

•last song: off to the races- Lana Del Rey

•currently watching: rewatching Gilmore Girls

•current obsession: One Direction, Micheal Jackson, Priscilla and Elvis

•currently reading: re-reading the dirt

•currently working on: an oil painting of Elvis, a baby doll dress (I haven’t even designed it yet help)

•currently wearing: ADORABLE denim shorts, a red top and a silver studded belt

•last Google search: Victoria secret jobs (🫩)

•fave flower: roses, babies breath, tulips

• last song: sympathy for the devil by Radiohead

• currently watching: supernatural (first watch) and it has consumed my whole being

• current obsession: Sam Winchester 😭 I love that man

• currently reading: pucking wild by Emily Rath

• currently working on: writing poetry and a book! (+fanfic ofc)

•currently wearing: a black and pink supernatural top with my pink spiderman/hello kitty fluffy pants

• supernatural cc sims 4 (im trying to make their universe 😭)

•fav flower: wisteria and iris’

last song: guns and roses by lana

currently watching: grease and the outsiders!! (for the second time)

current obsession: johnny cade + ponyboy curtis i love my boys :( , lizzy grant, and every single one of my pinterest boards <3

currently reading: a JFK biography

currently working on: a johnnyboy fanfic on ao3!!

currently wearing: white sweater, black shorts, flip flops, and black glasses

last google search: ocd test woahhhhh

favorite flower: probably rosesss

last song: around you - loona

currently watching: skins

current obsession: zelda (botw and totk)

currently reading: the goldfinch

currently working on: some shitty sidlink painting

currently wearing: heart locket, pink floral print shirt, yuri/yaoi bracelet (peak i know), polka dot skirt, white tights, mary janes

last google search: cast of luca (i recognized albertos voice and wasn't didn't know from where)

favorite flower: adahlia

last song: forever now - green day

currently watching: uhhh nothing rn but i gotta finish watching my name and bridgerton s2 (i skipped it when rewatching🥹)

current obsession: franchaela my lesbians

currently reading: toa the dark prophecy

currently working on: my unfinished school projects + studying for the 4 tests I'll have to do tomorrow

currently wearing: black shirt + my school uniform pants

last google search: trials of apollo books bc i only knew the names in my native language and i forgot which one i was reading😭

favorite flower: idk i like peonies but im not sure they're my favorite i used to have a favorite but i forgot

last song: heat lighting by mitski

currently watching: sherlock and brigerton

current obssesion: valgrace (its worse guys)

currently reading: wrath of the triple goddess

currently working on: staying with my shit together and not to keep thinking about my problems (or I'll probably have a burnout or lots anxiety attacks).... and, yeah, school projects

currently wearing: pjs and socks

last google search: undertale soul quiz (o really want to know even though i've never played the game and don't know anything about it)

favorite flower: no idea

last song: bottom by mccafferty

currently watching: rewatching 'arcane' + am almost finished 'everything now'

current obsession: my OCs + project hail mary + riordanverse + art

currently reading: mark of athena (3rd heroes of olympus book) + sharks of the world: a complete guide (600 pages with details of all the shark species currently discovered, they update it every 7 years or so so that it's up to date)

currently working on: improving my singing, guitar and art skills + making a twins at the carousel stop-start animation of my OCs

currently wearing: pyjamas (plaid green trousers and a grey long sleeved top)

last google search: *insert the name of where i'm going on a residential (i'm not doxxing myself)*

favorite flower: thistle, dandelion or sunflower

• Last song: Maggots for brains - Olivia Rodrigo.

• Currently watching: My hero Academia (MHA).

• Current obsession: Making ocs, Six of Crows, The Hunger Games (more specifically Sunrise on the Reaping).

• Currently reading: Six of Crows, The Outsiders (re-read), The Lost Hero (re-read).

• Currently working on: Improving my drawing, improving my cooking skills, creating more ocs.

• Currently wearing: Pajamas.

• Last google search: Where is Mallorca?

• Favourite flower: Lily of the valley, water lily or rose.

Last song: Wonderful from Wicked: For Good

Currently Watching: Ever After High on Youtube

Current obsessions: Creating ocs, The Hunger Games (mainly The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes), The Long Walk, Greek Mythology and Folklore, various musicals

Currently reading: The Sunbearer Trails

Currently working on: learning how to cook/bake, improving my writing,

Currently wearing: pajamas

Last Google search: Appalachian folklore

Favorite flower: Sunflowers

Last song: Jimmy by DEVO

Currently Watching: Uhhh nothing really right now. Probably gonna get back into Windbreaker and Sakamoto Days

Current obsessions: Reading, Stephen King characters, nostalgia, Halloween LOL

Currently reading: The Stand, Skeleton Crew, 1984(help why am I reading 3 books?)

Currently working on: Myself! lol working on editing my master list

Currently wearing: cozy clothing!

Last Google search: 1968 Mercury Monterey(I'm trying to figure out what type of car Joe McKennedy drives in Rage, sooo ya know...)

Favorite flower: Daisies!

• Last song: All That I’ve Ever Known by Motionless In White

• Currently Watching: Windbreaker (AGAIN)

• Current obsessions: Several things but to shorten the list—My book,the new Motionless In White album drop,and my stupid little clicker games 🫶🏻

• Currently reading: The Silent Patient by Alex Michaelides

• Currently working on: My mental health 🤣 but also my book (have I mentioned I’m writing a book?🫪)

• Currently wearing: sweats and a tank top

• Last Google search: Olive Garden menu

• Favorite flower: Sunflowers 🌻

Currently watching: Gravity Falls( a rewatch!)

Current obsessions: Uhh my fic, gravity falls/reverse falls, Cult of the Lamb

Currently reading: Midnight Rain by Haley Cass and Atmosphere by Taylor Jenkins Reid

Currently working on: my fic and job hunting/preparing for school

Currently wearing: Skeleton tank top and my hot cheeto lounge pants

Last google search: a03

Favorite flower: blue hydrangaes

Tags!!: @caffeinated-monster @spaghettiblenderperhaphs

A/N:I’m super excited to get more into making OCs and writing with them and playing with character development!I love,love,LOVE writing x reader fics and I will absolutely continue to do so but I thought this would be a fun little thing so I hope you guys enjoy it!And again,if you have any questions or suggestions for Annie’s lore then feel free to drop it in my inbox!

Warnings:Character death,drug use,depression

Pairing:Gareth Emerson x Annie St.James

Word Count:3k

Summer,1982

The bass from the speakers thumped in my soul.The lights were hot and bright and neon as they flashed in the dark,abandoned warehouse.It was a hot night in the dead of June in Kokomo,Indiana.My friend,Lizzie,dragged me to this warehouse party—she said I needed to get out more or something.So here I am.I can feel the music vibrating my teeth and the floor under my feet.This place is absolutely packed and I was loving every minute of it.I feel someone tug on my sleeve and I turn to see a girl about my age,maybe a few years older,and she’s holding up her hand in a peace sign.I furrowed my brows and she giggled,taking my left hand and guiding me to mirror her right.She yelled for me to hear her over the music.

“Peace—“

She guided my hand to make a half heart to match hers.

“—love—“

She pressed her palm flat to mine.

“—unity—“

She laced our fingers together.

“—respect.”

She slipped a beaded bracelet onto my wrist from hers.It was yellow and neon green with a little sun charm dangling from it.She leaned in close and pressed her lips near my ear.She smelled like strawberries and flowers.

“I’m Natalie.”

‘Natalie’.My cheeks were warm as she pulled back.I got a good look at her then.She was taller than me,maybe 5’6”?And she had blonde,curly hair that fell to her shoulders.There was a singular curl right in the front that was dyed pink.Her eyes were a warm cinnamon color and she had freckles with the slightest tan.She was mesmerizing.

“I’m Annette.”

I felt like my voice got swallowed by the music but the way she looked at me made me feel like she could hear me perfectly clear.Her lips turned upward in a small smile.She was still holding my hand.

“I think I’ll call you Annie.That cool?”

I swallowed thickly and nodded.’Annie’.I could get used to that.We spent the entire night dancing and laughing together,Lizzie nowhere in sight.She was probably off with Mack—this guy she was dating.He calls himself a DJ but all I ever see him do is scratch up vinyls.Once the party dies down,everyone trickles out of the warehouse including Natalie and I.Once we’re outside in the warm summer night air,I can see her even more clearly.She’s breathtaking.She’s leaned up against the wall of the warehouse looking up at the stars and she looks like something straight out of one of my brother’s D&D books—like some sort of fae creature or an elven princess and it makes my heart jump into my throat.She turns her head and looks over at me and she smiles—this bright and alluring and mesmerizing smile that makes my ears burn.

“You okay?You look like you’re choking.”

Her giggle sounds like tinkling bells,like diamonds clinking against each other,and my gut twists with butterflies.I cleared my throat and leaned against the wall as I look up at the sky.The stars were bright tonight and it felt the something was staring back at me from the crystal-encrusted sapphire blanket that is the night sky of Kokomo.

“Yeah,yeah.I’m good.I just…sorry,I’ve never been to one of these before.”

I could feel her eyes on me but I didn’t dare look over at her this time.She was closer now and I didn’t want her to see how pink my cheeks would be if I looked at her again.

“You’ve never been to a rave before?”

Her words are laced with quiet,insinuated laughter but her tone isn’t judgmental at all.She more so just sounds like she doesn’t believe me,like she can’t believe this isn’t my scene.I just shrugged with a small shake of my head.

“No.I don’t really go out much.Guess that’s why Lizzie dragged me her tonight.She thinks I need to ‘be more social’ or whatever.”

I rolled my eyes with a small,fond smile.Lizzie and I have been best friends since we were in diapers.She was this short,bossy brunette with brown eyes and dimples for days.I was 6 inches taller than her but she took the reins in our friendship.I was perfectly content to follow her lead more often than not.Natalie raised her brows.

“Lizzie?As in Lizzie Chambers?”

I blinked in surprise but nodded before looking over at her.

“Uh,yeah.You know Lizzie?”

She laughed.Her laugh was full bodied magic.She nodded.

“Yeah,you could say that.We’re cousins.I just moved here from Indy.”

Indy?So she’s a big city girl.That explains a lot.Everything about her screams ‘new’.Kokomo isn’t the smallest place in the world but it’s basically Timbuktu compared to a place like Indianapolis.She’s covered in glitter and her clothes look like she just bought them.Her boots aren’t even broken in yet.She glimmers in the moonlight and I can’t take my eyes off her.It feels like my breath has been sucked straight out of my lungs with a vacuum tube.Why hadn’t Lizzie told me her cousin was coming to town?Or that she was so…pretty?

“Oh.Cool.”

‘Real smooth,St.James.You sound like your bumbling idiot brother.’ She smiled and tilted her head at me and that made my stomach twist.She eyed me for a few seconds before asking the question that made all the blood drain from my face.

“You a girl kisser?”

My face went hot and my throat went tight.How the hell am I supposed to answer that?I’ve never told anyone that I like girls—not even Lizzie.Was it that obvious?My hands started sweating and I had to wipe them on my jeans.I think she noticed how freaked I was because she laughed—a light,beautiful sound that I found myself wanting to hear more and more.She smiled and reached out to brush some of my hair from my eyes.

“It’s okay if you are,y’know.I’m a lesbian,too.”

I have never felt a bigger rush of relief than I did in that very moment.She likes girls,too.And then it really hit me.Holy shit,she likes girls too.I couldn’t help the nervous smile that graced my lips.

“I—um,c-cool!Cool.Yeah,I uh,I like girls.I’m um—“

I swallowed thickly.I had never actually said the word out loud before.

“—a lesbian.”

She giggles—fucking giggles—and I feel like I might faint.I wanna hear that sound over and over again until the day I die.She comes closer and she’s a few inches from my face now and I feel like I can’t breathe.

“You’re cute,Annie.”

She doesn’t say anything else before she leans in and seals her sparkly lips over mine.Her hand comes up to hold my cheek and I don’t hesitate before kissing her back.She tastes like cinnamon bubblegum and vanilla.Her lipgloss is sticky and sparkly and I’m sure it’ll transfer but in this moment,I couldn’t care less.All my senses are enveloped by her and all I can think about is how sweet she tastes and how gentle she is.That one kiss led into a lot more and I knew that I’d never want to stop kissing her.

That night was just the beginning of our relationship.I spent all of my time that I could with Natalie.She taught me how to make Kandi and the importance of PLUR and I ate up every bit of it.We spent the entire summer together until school started.I was 13 so I was in 8th grade and she was 14 so she was just starting her freshman year of high school.I felt a weird sense of fear being apart from her like that but I told myself it was just separation anxiety.We had sleepovers at her house every weekend and I hung out at her house every day after school to do homework.We never went to my house because of my mom—she was always seeing some new guy and they were usually creepy or gross.We did that for 2 whole years without anyone suspecting a thing.We went to warehouse raves with Lizzie and Mack all the time,too.But then Natalie started doing hug drugs.She said that they made raves feel more intense and alive.I could always tell if she had taken something beforehand because she was extra clingy and affectionate when she did.

It was November—Thanksgiving break—and I was getting ready to go to a rave with Lizzie and Natalie when my mom knocked on my bedroom door.She pushed it open and leaned on the doorframe.

“We need to talk.”

In my defense,this happens every time she gets a new boyfriend.She adopts this ‘new personality’—whatever she’s cultivated to make this guy like her—and tries to set all these new rules and shit.I don’t even look up as I slide my belt through the loops of my jeans.

“Talk about what?”

She has her arms crossed over her chest and her hair is up in a bun.My mother is a small woman,thin standing at 5’3”,with jet black hair and my same blue eyes.She tans better than I do with light olive toned skin.

“You’re going to boarding school.”

My hands freeze as I’m lacing up my boot and I don’t look at her.Like I didn’t hear her correctly.

“I’m sorry,what?”

She moves further into my room and sits on my bed,like she has any right.She’s been a shitty absent mother my whole life—only semi-functional when there’s a man around.

“It’s for your own good,honey.Darryl…he thinks we need time together alone as a couple.There’s this boarding school.I think it’d be really good for you.It’s up in Indianapolis—“

I cut her off as I get to my feet.

“I’m not going to fucking boarding school!Are you crazy?What about my life?My friends?”

She levels me with a look,a sneak peek of the mother I’d known my whole life and not the new plastic doll in front of me.

“You’re going.End of discussion.We’ve already paid your tuition.”

She leaves my room without another word and slams my bedroom door behind her.I sit with my head in my hands for a while trying to pull myself together until there’s a quiet knock on my window—Natalie.I slide it open and I can already tell she’d had something.Her pupils are huge and she’s all giggly,covering my fave in kisses the moment I reach the ground after climbing out of my bedroom window.She doesn’t ask what’s wrong,just kisses me the way she does that makes my brain go all fuzzy and blank.Being with Natalie makes me feel like nothing else in the world matters except her.So I let her kiss me and I let her pull me into the backseat of Mack’s car cause he’s 16 and the only one of us with a license and we go to the abandoned warehouse for the rave.

It’s already in full swing when we get there and the music is so loud that the bass rattles my teeth and I needed this so fucking bad.Lizzie and Mack wander off to do their thing and Natalie spots one of the guys from her English class.His name is Mike and he’s this lanky motherfucker who keeps leering at her like he’s got ideas in his head.He offers her a few little pills and I try to stop her—to tell her maybe she’s already had enough—but she giggles and waves me off.I bite my cheek as I watch her down two of them dry.After a while,I’m leaned against the wall just watching her move to the music.She’s mesmerizing.She moves so easily,so fluidly,and it reminds me of the night we met in this very warehouse.She tells me she’s going to the bathroom—that she‘ll be right back—and I make some dumb joke that if this were a horror movie,she’d be a goner.She laughs and kisses me and weaves through the crowd to the bathroom.

It’s been a few hours since then and I walk around asking people if they’ve seen her.Something sinks in my stomach and I rush to the bathroom and try the knob.It’s unlocked so I open the door to find her on the floor with her eyes wide open,not moving.

“Shit,Natalie!”

I kneel beside her and check her pulse.It’s faint and I’m fully freaking out.I shake her as tears brim my eyes.

“Natalie!Nat,baby.C’mon,come back to me.Please,fuck!”

I scream for someone to call an ambulance,the cops,something but no one does.Lizzie stumbles in and sees Natalie on the floor before she lets out a scream.Mack hears her and sees the scene in the bathroom before calling 9-1-1.I’m holding her head in my lap as I cry,gut twisting as I sob.

“Fuck,c’mon baby please wake up.Please…”

My words are soft whispers as I kiss her hair and brush her blonde curls out of her eyes.The warehouse clears out when the paramedics and the cops show up.They take her away on a stretcher and that’s the last time I saw Natalie before her funeral three days later.Paramedics say she was dead on sight—heart attack from too much MDMA.She had traces of other substances in her system including fentanyl.I cried myself into dehydration.The funeral was open casket.I was wearing a black dress that she had given me sometime last year.We had gone up to Indy with her mom and she took us shopping.I sat in the back,listened to people talk about her like she was some picture perfect church girl.I had no clue what any of them were talking about because none of it sounded like my Natalie.I said my goodbyes at the casket after everyone filtered out.She looked completely foreign.Her curly hair was a halo around her but she was wearing blue eyeshadow and mascara—no glitter.She was always wearing glitter.They put her in this pink dress that she wouldn’t be caught dead wearing.I leaned down and pressed my lips to her cold forehead just like I did that night in the warehouse.

“I love you,Nat.”

I whispered before I forced myself to leave the room or I’d start crying again and I just didn’t have it in me.I went home after the funeral to find my bags packed.I looked at my mom with tired,confused eyes.

“Get in the car.You leave tonight.”

For once,I didn’t argue with her.I just turned on my heel and got in the backseat of Darryl’s car while he threw my bags in the trunk.It was a long drive to the boarding school which was situated in the middle of fucking nowhere.My mother informed me that I’d be spending holiday breaks and summers in Hawkins with my uncle and my brother—“Darryl and I just need time together,sweetie.”—and I didn’t protest.I didn’t see my brother very often.He writes me letters and he calls sometimes,tells me about his band and his D&D campaigns.I see my uncle even less since he mostly works graveyard shifts.When we got to the school,I got out of the car.They dropped my bags and hauled ass out of there before I was even escorted to my dorm.And that’s what brought me here.

Christmas Break,1986

Eddie was charged with picking me up from boarding school and dragging me back to Hawkins with him.I hear his van before I see it—Metallica blaring across the lot.The white van comes screeching to a halt before he hops out with the biggest smile on his face.My blue eyes have taken on this permanently tired look but I manage a small smile.Of all this shit my mother has always had to say about our dad and Eddie,for what it’s worth,Eddie’s a damn good brother.He comes jogging up to where I’m standing with my suitcase in hand only to scoop me up into a hug and spin me around.

“Christ,Eddie!Put me down!”

But he’s laughing and something about it makes the heaviness in my chest feel lighter.He sets me down and ruffles my hair with a grin.

“Sorry,kiddo.Couldn’t help it.”

I rolled my eyes with the faintest of smiles.

“Yeah,yeah.Come on.Let’s get the fuck out of here.I’m sick of looking at this place.”

He grabs my suitcase and tosses it into the back of his van before climbing into the drivers seat.I settle myself in the passengers seat,catching my plaid uniform skirt before it closes in the van door.We mostly drive in silence save for his Metallica tape in the stereo.He turns it down after a while before speaking.

“Soooo,how’s boarding school?Your mama an’ that guy ever visit you or…?”

‘That guy’,that’s always how Eddie refers to my mom’s rotating cast of boyfriends.I don’t blame him,either.I huff out a laugh and look out the window as we pass fields of nothing.

“Not really.She just says they need ‘alone time as a couple’.Translation:Having a kid by another man doesn’t fit into her lifestyle.I figure she’ll just keep me in boarding school until I graduate then I’m not her problem anymore.”

I shrugged.He didn’t know what to say to that so he just laughed.

“Damn.When’d you get so grown up on me?Where’s the little girl who used to follow me around like a leech every other summer,huh?”

I swallowed the knot growing in my throat.I wouldn’t cry.Never again.I answer without hesitation or emotion.

“She died.”

Eddie shuts up after that,sensing the tension in my voice and my body language.I keep staring out the window until I eventually drift into sleep.We make it to Hawkins sometime in the afternoon and Uncle Wayne is already at the door waiting for us.Eddie shakes me awake and I grumble as I open my eyes.He parks and hops out to grab my bag.I jump out of the van,my penny loafers crunching in the snow,before trudging up the steps and inside.I slip my shoes off as Eddie drags in my bag and Uncle Wayne pulls me in for a hug.

“Hey there,kid.”

I let him hug me and smiled softly when he pulled away.

“I’m not a kid anymore,Uncle Wayne.I’m 17 years old.”

I laughed lightly.Being with Eddie and Uncle Wayne after so long had felt nice,like I was actually home.I spent the day getting settled in.Eddie took the couch so that I could steal his bed for the next couple weeks.We spent all day together—listening to music,talking about school stuff.He even showed me some of his campaign notes.He told me tales of his previous Hellfire session that week and gave me a few spoilers of adventure that awaits his players when school is back in session.Uncle Wayne calls us to the kitchen for dinner later that night and we’re sitting around the table eating until the phone rings.Eddie jumps up to answer it and when he does,his face falls.

“Oh,uh,sure.Hey,Wayne.It’s for you.”

His tone is weird and Uncle Wayne looks confused so he takes the phone while Eddie takes his seat next to me again.

“Who was it?”

I whispered and looked up at Eddie.He has this weird look on his face and it makes me lose my appetite.

“Your mama.”

My blood runs cold and now I’m looking at Uncle Wayne while he talks on the phone with her.They talk for a good 30 minutes or so before he hangs up.He sits down and he’s looking at me with soft,sorry eyes.

“That was yer mama.There ain’t really no easy way to say this but…yer tuition’s run out for that fancy boardin’ school she’s got ya in and well…”

I say what we’re all thinking.

“Darryl doesn’t want me around.So,what does she want?”

He sighs.

“She wants ya t’stay here which I said was completely fine.And it is.You’ll stay here as long as ya like,kid.We’ll get ya enrolled at Hawkins High at the end of the break.Sound good?”

I nod wordlessly and stab at my dinner.He sighs again.

“I’ll send you and Eddie for yer stuff tomorrow and we’ll get you set up in the spare bedroom.”

He put a hand on my shoulder.

“It’s gonna be okay,Annette.You’ve got us.”