Dear Diary…

no one ever hold me without wanting to 2 kill me

no one ever hold me without wanting to kill me

being sad and horny is a privilege

my baby

mom told me my father’s parents always wish for a grandson. & they were heartbroken in the waiting room when she delivered me. when they found out i’m a granddaughter. they still love me to death. even tho i’ve never been a sweet girl till recently. my grandma got me dresses (ugly) and bought me everything i want. now she doesn’t remember me bc the dementia. her mental illness flow in the blood of our family tree. in the root. to my father and then to mi (i’m ok). i’m not sad or mad that she can’t remember me. i can’t change that, like how she can’t change the fact that im not a boy. a grandson. i’m a girl. technically im a woman now and im suppose to stop competing with boys. i need to let them win. i need to pretend im dumb. i need to surrender so i will be married eventually and have a son hopefully to make my / his family proud. to form a nuclear family as George Murdock proposed. i have to stop beating boys, i have to please them, i have to save them like virgin Mary. i have so many things to complete. i have to seduce them but deep down i want to break their tailbones again. (fiction)

sinners

everything and nothing always haunts me

for 333studio

from Februarytrash_latex