i think a big part of ilya's emotional arc in the show is starting to sloooowly, slowly move from vigilance towards security as he begins to trust shane more. like he's obviously not very far down that road yet lol (see: the rose crashout) but then i think in the cottage you see him really starting to let himself relax in shane's presence. he starts to let himself believe shane isn't going to hurt him or reject him or abandon him (at least right now, in the refuge of the cottage). and i think that's part of why he can be much more emotionally intelligent after david walks in on them... when shane's the one crashing out ilya remains calm and steady. doesn't interpret shane's freakout over the parent stuff as evidence that shane's going to ditch him or kick him out. asks what shane needs. offers to come with him. doesn't let shane leave him in the car to face his parents alone (the look he gives him when shane suggests it lmao). helps anchor shane and calm him down when shane starts having a lil panic attack over pasta. it's really interesting to me how easily he slips into that role... that scene combined with some of the other moments of real emotional intelligence (like how carefully and tenderly attuned he is to shane during sex from the first time anal scene onwards) makes me really curious about his childhood!! it's part of why i don't necessarily headcanon him as having an extremely Bad childhood before his mother died... like he learned to be tender somewhere. he learned that when someone pays careful, loving attention to you and listens to you in a curious, open way it makes you feel safe. he has ALL these layers of traumatic defense mechanisms and maladaptive coping strategies etc etc and that's why he behaves so badly so much of the time... but underneath it all that man yearns to be tender and to make the people he cares about feel safe with him... and that doesn't come from nowhere surely?? idk. interesting to think about!!!

episode 5 (text post edition)

and the whole of non bigot hockey twt just fucking crash out and montreal metros and crowell gets burned at the stake

These tags are my fave

heated rivalry + text posts / ?

"Wild Geese" by Mary Oliver

Tags by @scunthotter that made me stare out the window for a little while

Hey @shanedevotee did you know this is a seriously fucked up thing to say to me. Did you know that.

shanebug sightings

and that’s how the entire team ends up spending their friday night watching clifford the big red dog with 19-year-old ilya rozanov.

Harris do his best as always

ilya + his very judgemental eyebrows

anyway i was dead fucking wrong about that last part. i hate personal technologies now. i miss having an ipod that doesnt advertise shit to me and i miss when my htc wildfire didnt harass me 45 times a day to install an ai assistant and then install it anyway when i say no and i miss when the internet wasnt 5 websites all of which i have to log into and i miss when i didnt need an app to talk to my landlord. sorry past me you were actually right about 2009