SUB DROP: the aftermath of a scene.
Bdsm lingo: “scene”, “scene time” - the times you are together as a couple and have a more than casual hangout. This includes sex, roping, spanking, bondage, etc and anything or behavior/actions that revolve around the bdsm/ddlg lifestyle.
Today we talk about the ever so sensitive subject of something called sub drop.
Simply explained…This is a time after a session of play or otherwise intense interaction, event that causes sadness, feelings of worthlessness, loneliness, inferiority, anxiety, etc… that can cause the little or submissive to go into a unexpected or unexplained bout of depression.
This is because during the scene or play time or whatever interaction it was that caused an intense moment or anxiety and so on, our hormones, adrenaline, endorphins and such are pushed to a very increased level and then suddenly you are out of that situation with no real let down with nowhere to go, no way to cope and suddenly left with fear, panic, lack of affirmation and doubt.
The roots of this are likened to “runner’s high” or the rush that a soldier or police officer feels when he bursts into a room and clears it from the bad guys.
The problem is that you get all jacked up and then all the sudden the moment is over but you are still left with those feelings and it takes a while for your body to slow down and return to normal.
For a little or a sub… at this moment not only are they charged up with these feelings, but they also most commonly immediately go into a state of anxiety wondering if they did a good job… If they satisfied their daddy… If they performed as expected and so on. This can be very detrimental to the mind of a little and can further harm them from interaction in the future.
Therefore it is incredibly important that you perform proper aftercare in order to combat sub drop in every way.
I once knew a little who after a few play sessions started developing terrible sub drop to the point to where she simply could not play again afterwards… Ever… And the fault was in the daddy who would leave the scene too quickly or otherwise not continue the scene long enough in order to make sure that she was satisfied. With time and patience these kinds of things can be rehabilitated and healed, but they should also never occur in the first place.
So it goes to show that proper time spent after the scene with aftercare and bringing those feelings down properly is crucial.
So then what do you do?
You simply do what is appropriate for them in order to calm them down, make them know and realize that they did an excellent job, and let them know that they are okay. And the way to do this is really quite simple: Aftercare… aftercare… aftercare…
…and this goes for anything from an intense sexual scene right down to suggestive photographs.
Any time that you request anything from your little that heightens her anxiety or sends her mental state above and beyond what it normally is, she is going to be in need of proper aftercare enable to avoid some drop.
Sub drop is defeated by affirmation, it is defeated by positive reinforcement, it is defeated with time and patience… And unless you take the proper time, tools, and effort, You may end up with a torn relationship because you simply did not put in the work needed to avoid this state of depression.
Without proper aftercare this depression will only grow, it will cause her to have anxiety towards whatever it is that you are making her do, and that is an anxiety that will only build and build and fester and manifest itself in a way that will make her not want to perform the action all together and cause a ton of problems (which are all the daddy’s fault)… All of this will ultimately lead her into a breakdown…. And leave her broken.
So what can I do to avoid sub drop?
I am always touting the motto of safety first in everything when it comes to your relationship. The biggest elements of safety for success are in the rules, limits lists and aftercare you provide. But what some do not realize is that aftercare goes on much longer than simply an hour or so past the event.
many subs do not even experience sub drop until one or two days later.
sub drop is like a punch in the face. Most of the time it just happens suddenly out of nowhere and then all you have in the moment is this incredible wave of anxiety and depression. This is why it’s a good idea to check in frequently in the days following the scene. Make sure you are providing affirmation in these times: words of encouragement, compliments, little reminders of how proud and pleased you are, etc.
yes this can be done the same day or hour of the event, but many times she can remain swimming in the Afterglow all night long only to wake up the next morning wondering why she feels like she’s suddenly in slow motion, and not being able to explain the distance she feels when she felt so close and connected the day/night before.
and yes sub drop can happen from self play/scenes.
so in that regard you should be prepared by having an aftercare kit ready. This could include shows in queue on Netflix to make you feel little, chocolate milk in the fridge, an emergency bath bomb… a fuzzy blanket and favorite pajamas… whatever makes you feel little and content and happy. Put these things on a list and prepare them before the event… especially if it happens frequently after the same actions.
and do realize that no two sub drops are the same even though they may be alike.
What your sub/little needs is really up to her… and it should be part of your pre-scene negotiations to find out and prepare properly. Maybe she doesn’t even experience sub drop… or maybe she does and doesn’t know it. No matter the case, have your emergency aftercare kit in place before you do anything.
in most cases proper preparation and adequate follow through should be able to relieve or even completely eliminate the dreaded moments of sub drop and give you open doors to success in the future of your relationship.
as always, thank you for your support. If you like this post be sure to reblog for others to benefit from and follow me for more great DD/lg educational materials in the future.
- Mister
