my trash

my gender is brian singing "dont leave me alone" in clean slated state

“and i levitate down your street” just gives me a really funny image in my head

the waiter asks if i would like anyrhing to drink. "thanks but im good", as i produce a single perfect rasberry and sip the tiny dewdrop of water that it holds. the waiter asks if would like anything to eat. "thanks but im good" as i pop the rasberry into my mouth deliciously and then walk out of the restauranr

genuinely where the hell has all my harddrive space gone. i do Not have 2tb of shit on here

Every time someone says "ingredients" I say "ingredience" in response and then I realize I just sound like I repeated them because it sounds the fucking same out loud

me when i say inch resting

Watching Star Trek as an adult shines new light on why my dad used to look really uncomfortable sometimes during our late-night marathons.

star trek heritage post (August 6th, 2013)

bad news fellas, just got word from the boss, he says no more kissing each other on the job

he says kissing while pretending to be a lost young couple when you hear enemy guards approaching is fine, but only if there's no feelings involved

What does he say about kissing while pretending to be a lost young couple when you hear enemy guards approaching when you think there is no feelings involved, but as you pull away, you look into the other person's eyes and realise how many different colours live there, and suddenly you're falling and you can't get up, and they're the only one to offer you a hand. What then??

he says that's fine, but no tongue

the holidays are never officially here until i see the christmas light extension cord of death by electricity and I have yet to see it.

Sending my most reliable corporate staffer to Connecticut to shut down a Christmas tree farm. Wish me luck

By Talos, this can't be happening

had a dream last night that the new tumblr discourse was whether or not people deserved their urls and people were getting callouts and anon hate like "I can't believe you have x in your url when I never see you actually post about them it's pretty messed up that you're taking that url away from other people who actually deserve it :/"

This was genuine discourse in 2012 you guys need to remember your history