vanilla bean machine

I took a Greyhound in November to my current state. I had a homeless man approach me and ask if I knew where the next bus was headed. He needed to buy a bus ticket, and was completely stranded in that city because the bus stop itself did not sell physical tickets. It required purchasing them online, and he didn't have a phone. He had cash with him to afford it, but literally could not buy a ticket because he didn't have a phone or debit card of any kind.

The bus driver allowed him to just ride for free that day so he could get to his destination (3~ hours from there), which was incredibly kind of them.

More recently, I had to download an app for my friend to use a parking meter because they got rid of letting them take change and debit cards. An app for a parking meter.

I'm currently dealing with homelessness and do you have any idea how lucky I am to have a phone that's paid for? Half the resources I go to require a phone number or email to sign up for assistance (or more ironically an address but that's besides the point).

It's shit like that, that makes me HATE how everything requires a phone, an app, an email ect to use basic shit, especially when it's not needed. It's inaccessible to so many people, and not just those going through homelessness.

Phone broke? That sucks. Is your phone dead? Too bad. Missed payment on your phone plan? Fuck you, better suck it up. Don't have data or signal? Uh oh better find somewhere with it.

I don't know why the authors of PoliLingua act as if Trump's verbal misogyny and racism wasn't very much part of his "original intent".

Gopal Divan as Dr. Fareed Bhansali and Assad Zaman as Armand

i recognize that this didn't happen in a vacuum, and a lot of us are responding to a culture that doesn't take our pain or discomfort seriously and has denied or downplayed real trauma for generations.

however, i strongly recommend trying out some of these framings and phrases in order to develop some healthier, more resilient understandings of ourselves and our relationships:

I would prefer not to

I had a bad experience

I don't like that

I would need more support to be able to do that

I'm not in the mood

That bothers me

I worry about [specific negative outcome]

I'm not up for that today

I'd rather do/talk about something else

I'm not the right audience for that

I need more information first

That doesn't seem worth the time/energy

not every personal preference or unpleasant emotion must be linked to a psychiatric diagnosis or a trauma trigger. constantly interpreting your experiences through this pathologized lens is not good for anyone.

if you are surrounded by people who do not take your "i'd rather not" seriously unless you can cite DSM chapter and verse, you have shitty friends and need to hang out with different people.

also, no matter who you are or how traumatized you are, you do not need to avoid every discomfort. it is true that for someone with severe trauma, a ptsd flashback can derail their whole day and cause genuine physical and psychological suffering. however. this is different than "someone mentioned a tv show that my shitty ex liked" or "someone at an event made me feel socially awkward." we all go through negative experiences, and convincing yourself that you are so damaged that the only safe way to live is by demanding protection from anything that could make you feel bad is extremely unhealthy.

you need to be able to function as a human being even when the world includes things that are unpleasant or even painful. if you train your brain to experience everything you don't like as a "trauma trigger," you will create a reality for yourself where you are constantly under threat and develop an identity as someone who cannot manage any situation not completely under your control. you are capable of feeling sad, startled, annoyed, offended, disgusted, or nervous. i promise.