We tape our flamethrowers to our pulse rifles

Uhm.. Actually, you can be. There's a lot of people who are honest when answering that question. They just do it in ways that don't come across so upsetting or depressing.

Many people sugarcoat their answers to be more palatable for a greeting, or for a start of a conversation. It can also just be a polite way of giving others an out for a potential depressing conversation they may not want to be a part of.

These responses usually come in forms like, - "How are you?/How's it going?" - "Could be better." "It's definitely going." "I'm still alive." "I'm getting there." "New day, new problems." "Well, I'm still here." "Same old." "It's not all sunshine." "It's moving along". "It is what it is." "Not great but I'll survive." "Hoping tomorrow comes quickly." And many more responses like this. These are all ways of basically saying "Things are kinda/very shit at the moment for me". But they just don't go into detail about it. They are being honest, without the extra information.

If the other person doesn't want to go further into this then they may just responed with something like "I feel you", or "That's relatable", or "Yeh, that's life". Which are basically ways of saying "I acknowledge things aren't easy right now", without having to go into a conversation about it. Not everyone has the emotional energy to deal with conversations like that in that moment and that's okay.

from the notes of this post but this point deserves to be seen on its own. every time people try to go "haha, misogynists are the REAL failed effeminate low-T men!" its a meek attempt at pointing out "hypocrisy" in patriarchy.

but 1. pointing out hypocrisy has never itself challenged systems of power because the contradictions are built in for a reason. patriarchy self-contradicts readily because its only goal is maintaining the present gendered power dynamics, and anything that assists in that goal is used.

So, book reports.

I havent done a book report in aaaages. I've done critical analysis of medical journals articles, so I can wing something but I don't know where to start. It feels big!

What the book is about, whether it's nonfiction, scope etc.

A thing it did well or that I liked about it. Main recommendation point other than the topic, possibly with some additional stuff if there were good things about it you wouldn't expect.

A downside or place where it fell short. Not necessarily hunting for flaws, but this is a good place to be like "I expected it to include X based on its scope but it didn't and it would have been stronger if it did".

Anything technically interesting or impressive that didn't fit in elsewhere. Often this ends up in the "good things" section but sometimes it's worth focussing on in its own section. This encourages me to read for technical and structure elements that I might otherwise ignore.

This seems like a good, focused resource for letter-writing!

I hadn't heard about this so I had to look it up and see what the fuck happened. And Christ, she was just 21 years old. Just 21. She graduated three years ago. She would have had her first legal beer just two weeks ago. And now she's fucking dead.

I'm not here to entertain the radfem bandwagon, so don't even start on that. My concern is that this more than likely had lead-up and warning signs that just... didn't get taken seriously. Bad interactions, comments, weird feelings. These two should never have been left alone together.

I'm just. Wow.

Just... wow.

None on 'so you became disabled in your twenties and it has progressed to the point you need support with personal care to cope with the fatigue and you're nonverbal and autistic. How do you navigate this new dynamic with strangers and communicate important things like wants and consent? And how do you not feel ashamed or embarrassed because you 'don't really need it'?'

Essentially turning my life into a routine similar to what it would be like to be in an institution but on my terms.

Detailed menus for food (how I want it cooked, salted), grocery list (which meant cutting down and simplifying how I eat and eating repetitive food with emergency meal options).

List of chores and their days: a day to pick up the groceries and put them away, a day she cleans the bedroom, a day she does the floors. once a month collect medicines... All suited to give them lots of time and account for unexpected needs.

Instructions sharpied on the washing machine, labels written on the cupboards and taped above the microwave

My clothes are basic: all machine wash and no iron, can be mixed and matched, my bedsheets can be mixed and matched

I do meds once a week and have a proper weekly pillbox with a list taped to it. I hated accepting this signifier of illness.

My bath days are on days she's not here which is a recent luxury because I used to need help there.

Boundaries

My bedroom is off limits unless it's bedroom day. Weight and romantic life are off limits.

I have not found a way to communicate that I'm not a psychologist in 20 years of this. Carers are often in the process of being broken by the job: they vent (a lot), they get burn out, they find it easier (and make more money) to do any other job.

It hurts the ego every single time you meet a new one and initiate them to your routines. Those stupid house management binders like seen in mormon influencer households actually do streamline your life even if they feel dehumanizing.

A lot of this stuff was really hard. I felt like if a baby could feel shame. My brain screams the R word at me every now and then for not being able to safely cook or lift things, for not being able to explain myself then sitting through agony rather than seem impolite.

The urge to do the chores yourself is massive even after a hundred energy hangovers and injuries. Write those down because you think you don't need it until you notice you haven't taken care of yourself in weeks trying to keep up with other things or you repeatedly get ill.

What did help was treating the carer's job as dignified: them cleaning for me is not degrading, it's their job. Them witnessing me in distress is not degrading, it's their job and they rise to the occasion and feel proud they got to help someone.

Try and remember that you're providing a respectful, safe work environment for people who would otherwise be unseen or mistreated when working in cleaning/catering or in care homes. Holiday gifts and setting up options for their holidays in advance help. Checking in about balancing their work load over the hours they're given is an important use of your limited social time/energy so it feels more like teamwork to them.

It will feel very weird at first but if you're upfront about communication difficulties and needing time to write things out for example, that can help. The big hurdle in time will be getting enough hours allocated (unless you pay for extra under the table) and not losing carers to their agencies being gigantic soul-sucking body-breaking machines.