stressed, depressed and dressed like your nan

you can be both employed & way too online. it’s called “posting on the clock,” and actually, it’s praxis.

getting followed by porn bots is weird and that’s coming from a guy with multiple 🥵 concubines

step aside you old cut-sleeve, i shall court these maidens!

the marquis of homo WISHES he had a fraction of my imperial glory!

right so i’m one of the most well regarded emperors in the history of china and you’re the guy who had to put “shut up about the mercury” in his bio

the Terracotta Army guy?

🙄 you build ONE funerary complex with 8000 life-sized statues of soldiers, horses and generals and suddenly you’re “the terracotta army guy.” 🙄 execution.

Stumbling across this makes me feel like a dad whos walked into their kids room beer in hand and seeing them roleplay starwars fights i do not belong here but god its entertaining

to be clear in this scenario im the jedi and im winning

God will see you at the lowest point of your life, and say "what the fuck I thought I killed that thing." But you skitter too fast and you are too creepy.

oh my god it hurts

and it's going to hurt forever

i fucking hated your shoelaces this entire time

lowkey kinda hate how all the pride flags are just stripes, can we get some shapes up in here pls

don't you mean biczechxual

big shoutout to the gas station near my house which is running a deal on energy drinks and thought the best way to express this on their large LED sign was to make it read BANG MONSTER 2/$5

update: you'll be pleased to know that they rethought their sign and have changed it to read MONSTER BANG 2/$5

Monster bang inflation 😵‍💫

monster bang inflation 🥺🥺🥺

We have this interesting situation where we basically no longer have privacy nor the expectation of privacy, but we also don't have community or meaningful connection with others, so we're all simultaneously both completely exposed and absolutely alone, and please understand that when I say this situation is "interesting", what I in fact mean is that it's "nightmarish and I wish I could wake up"

Hold on, let me look something up real quick

Yeah this is funny

"kung pow penis," a phrase commonly used in reblogs to indicate utter disdain for OP, has twelve letters, each of which (traditionally) must be supplied by a different user. the unanimity of disdain indicated by these twelve unrelated users has strong parallels to the requirement of unanimity for a jury—also traditionally of twelve—to arrive at a verdict. in this essay i will

K

U

N

G

P

O

W

P

E

N

I

what doesn't kill you makes you stay on tumblr for 13 years and counting

Imagine working as a clown, and you're absolutely bombing your performance. You're juggling your balls all over the floor, you're slipping on your own little clown props, you're honking your little nose without even meaning to. And no one is laughing. There's only one person in the audience. His clown makeup is far more handsom than yours. His purple suit is tight, leaving nothing to the imagination. He green hair. The Joker walks over, leans over your frail clown body, sneering. "Not very funny," he chuckles darkly. You honk meekly, presenting your Clown Hole in submission as you are overwhelmed by his superior clown pheromones and musk. And then. And then he pulls it out. He pulls out his j