en garde, dickhead

every day I see six new fully finished highly symbolic art pieces of eva stratt with a set of scales and lambs and foxes and petrova lines visually paralleling nooses / restraints / trails of blood and rosaries and halos and big dioramas of earth and the sun and the hail mary and different methods of execution and explosions and rocket launches and heavenly / hell fire and allusions to major works in the art canon and I weep for my stomach not being strong enough for me to print out and eat all of them

but ykw at least i'm not on mount everest. at least i'm not paying tens of thousands of dollars to slowly suffocate in a 300-person line at the gates of hell. never in my life will i have to be steered in a hypoxic stupor through the maze of poop and corpses atop mount everest. on this earth a lot of horrible things can happen to you without your permission but there are a few that you have to opt into. you can just say no thanks! and be guaranteed never to have to be on mount everest. much to be grateful for actually

still not on mount everest this morning 😌 alhamdulillah

im swimming at the lake and accidentally kicked a fish. this has never happened in my many years of swimming. sorry man

there's two people fishing at the swim beach for some reason, as if that could possibly be good fishing. go try somewhere else guys, i kicked the only one nearby

if ur gonna be pressed into service by your liege lord, u want to be the swiftest rider. get good at horses, because they're always sending the swiftest rider off to do some other shit that is, crucially, away from the battlefield. I'm telling u. when ur forces are outnumbered and the enemy legions show up with some unexpected advantage, someone in command is gonna say, "send the swiftest rider to alert the queen!!!" that's u. u want to be that guy

baseball fights are better than hockey fights because everyone expects a fight in hockey. baseball fights are some real hater shit

we’re so lucky that gilgamesh survived and is a banger. can you imagine if we found the oldest written human story ever recorded and it sucked balls.

i must say, i am a huge fan of when a book is in the middle of a very exciting plot containing many interesting problems when out of nowhere for a few pages it's like, "hey by the way, real quick, here's a detailed explanation of the city's water filtration system! i'm telling you this for a reason and you should worry about it. anyway! haha okay back to the plot" and you just get to be Scared for a while

I’ll admit I’ve sent a 👍 in my time