Twig's very chaotic scrapbook

ALSO TELL ME WHETHER YOU WANT IT DONE WITH ONE OF THOSE “MY MIX” YOUTUBE PLAYLISTS OR THE PLAYLIST I’M MAKING WHERE I ADD 1-3 SONGS FOR EVERY DAY OF THIS YEAR

Emergency, Urgent

Venmo Kate-Havekost

It's cold and getting colder.

I was up all night. I wasn't able to get enough for a room yesterday/last night. My usual place is already fully booked. To stay in the area I recognize and can navigate a room will be closer to $300. Which is impossible but...I don't control prices, nor do I control hotel placements. So I'm between I'm between a rock and a hard place. I'm exhausted and struggling with a profound hopelessness.

If six people could spare $50 each or 15 people could spare $20 each, so I can not be scrambling at midnight. Two people could buy an 8"x 10" for $100. would be amazing. It would be fabulous, and immensely appreciated if someone either bought something immediately, or a couple of people tossed me $50 so I can get a room tonight.

don't be afraid. don't be afraid. go to work. go out to eat. don't be afraid.

They weren't killed by the slashing of the CDC. They weren't killed by the administration's demonization of masks, that brought on by the vanity of one man who didn't want his bronzer to come off. They weren't killed by an industrial food system which will only do things Right if it's forced to, if it's inspected and made to, and over which there are far fewer watchdogs than there used to be. No! Don't worry. They were killed by underlying conditions.

don't be afraid. don't be afraid. the engines must keep running. don't be afraid.

Don't think about the fact that 12% of the population, or just about the same percentage of the population that marked themselves as Black on the 2020 Census, has diabetes. Don't think about the fact that 10% of the US population, or approximately the same percentage which has blue eyes, has at least one autoimmune disease. Don't think about the fact that 6% of the adult US population, or approximately the same percentage as 'people under the age of five', has a chronic heart condition. Don't think about the fact that the CDC says that 40% of the US population is obese, and that is an "underlying condition," too. That percentage? It's about the same as every US resident between the ages of 25 and 54.

don't be afraid. don't be afraid.

"Underlying conditions" is a way to wave away responsibility, yes, but it's more than that. It's a way to put separation between the average citizen and the two people -- so far -- who have died from food infested with parasites, the two people who literally shit themselves to death because the Trump administration has fully abandoned all of its proper functions in order to strip down everything it can get its hands on and cart it away for itself. It is not enough to grift billions through American Liberty World Financial Bitcoin, Gold Shoe, And Bible-Printing Emporium. It is not enough to set up a literal "please bribe the President" ATM for foreign governments to shovel cash in via cryptocurrency. They have to grab everything they can that isn't nailed down, and to do that, they have to rip everything they can out of the walls, fire everybody they can get away with, and shuffle the money into ICE, and from their into the pockets of friends no-bid contracts.

It is not enough, and so they whisper "underlying conditions," because that tells so many Americans, "Hey. Don't be afraid. It's okay. You don't have 'underlying conditions,' right? You are good and virtuous. You have done Everything Right, and are thus blessed with Good Health. You have Worked Hard and Been Proper and thus you will not be touched by the seemingly-random hand of fucking death hiding in a bag of Kroger lettuce." It's the same voice that says, "You don't want those layabouts getting disability and cheating you out of your money, so we should make it harder," except now it's saying, "Actually, just like COVID, the only people who died were the people who were sick already, and obviously you only have underlying conditions if you weren't taking care of yourself, which you are, so don't worry! We don't actually have to do anything. This will sort itself out."

Till the last drop

Then, when he says "I dared not go below, I dared not leave the helm," all his uncertainty and just how lost and afraid he is truly comes out. I love how soft his voice gets.

"so here all night I stayed, and in" he's so good at using this little half chuckle to make me very distressed for him. Here he's laughing at himself once again, what a fool he was for not understanding, once again he was a fool to have any hope that he would be alone now and no more deaths would follow...

"in the dimness of the night I... saw... Him." CHILLS. soooooo creepy, sooooo well done.

The way he says "no man can object" just hits so hard, it feels somehow like an apology to the mate in a way even more than the line saying he was right did.

"But I am captain, and I must not leave my ship." ABSOLUTE BANGER OF A LINE. GOD. I knew it would be, but. Oh my god. He's choking up, how he almost fades away on captain, how his voice shakes somewhere between helpless laughter or tears but helpless either way. I love the long shaky breath before this line, building up his resolve. And then how he just sits with it for a couple seconds afterward, quiet, as the music grows stronger (I love the music)

And he comes back determined. He can do so little, but he will do it. He will baffle this monster in whatever way he can, he will protect his own soul though he couldn't protect any others, and he will keep his honor as well. He won't let this monster take what little he has left.

(I think part of the next line is missing, since it goes right to "-ight is coming on")

His determination holds strong, but his final lines show that this isn't a dramatic last stand, full of heroic vim and vigor. It's a long, aching, terrifying standoff, trapped alone with a monster who has killed everyone else, who has taken away the very sun, alone with only the God that the Captain already feared had abandoned him as any sort of comfort at all. He's scared and worn and he doesn't have any real hope left but he will cling to his role as captain, when nothing else is left. Dracula's laugh coming right after "God and the Blessed Virgin and the saints" and then echoing over "help a poor ignorant soul trying to do his duty...." makes it all even worse, because even as they are invoked the Count laughs about it, seemingly proves that they aren't here, they can't stop him. No one is going to help this poor, ignorant soul; and Dracula finds the idea of him trying to still do his duty hilarious.

(For now at least. If the Captain's theory on "what he may not touch" is correct then I'm sure that will annoy Dracula plenty when it stops him getting to the helm/his last victim.)

SEA SHANTY!!!!!!!! I knew it would come but!!!! So exciting. And the lyrics are so morbid. Here's a trick to catch a ___. Adding in the soft waves in the background, the way the "oo-ooh" gets more uneasy as it goes along, how they get less unified, how they start to fade away, individual voices become more distinct. And that ending is so good.

But I am captain, and I must not leave my ship. But I shall baffle this fiend or monster, for I shall tie my hands to the wheel when my strength begins to fail, and along with them I shall tie that which He—It!—dare not touch; and then, come good wind or foul, I shall save my soul, and my honour as a captain.

This part is so heartbreaking, yet so important in the theme of what defines faith in this book. Our captain has believed that the deaths of his crew were man made, and even believed yesterday that it was all the first mate's doing after seeing jump aboard. doesn't have any knowledge about vampires, maybe about some of his local folklore, but by working in the sea those tales have no use for a captain like him when the water itself is a far more dangerous beast.

However, even if the captain doesn't have the methods that the Transylvanian locals had, nor any knowledge whatsoever, he fully understands that Dracula is akin to a demon. So, what can a man made of flesh and blood do in front of a supernatural being made of pure evil? Put his trust, and his faith into the power of god, and all of the saints. He ties the rosary with the cross along with the rope on the wheel as a way to not protect all of himself, but his hands, so Dracula cannot touch them.

If we are wrecked, mayhap this bottle may be found, and those who find it may understand; if not, ... well, then all men shall know that I have been true to my trust. God and the Blessed Virgin and the saints help a poor ignorant soul trying to do his duty...

The captain trusts all heaven to guide him either to a wreck, or to guide into what is beyond his understanding. Drifting in the vast waters of the world to keep this demon from doing what it did to his crew.