Turtlegiyuuu

Best Jeanist to Bakugo on his first day

liking a popular pairing but not caring for the more popular takes on the characters’ supposed dynamic is agonizing like oh okay i guess i’ll just go fuck myself then. water water everywhere but not a drop to drink

I imagine being Aventurine’s assistant would be kinda like having a hamster. Weird blonde you gotta take care of as he scurries around. Every week you’ve gotta sigh as he finds increasingly more creative ways to almost kill himself. Uh… yeah. Send post.

AIN’T NOTHIN’ BUT A HEARTACHE

TELL ME WHYY

AIN'T NOTHING BUT A MISTAKE

NOW NUMBER 5

Hahah! Chills, literal chills!!

oh my god I completely forgot about that

‎

wear a different perfume when you commit murder fuckin amateurs 

also wear shoes that aren’t your actual size and use gloves if you have to touch anything

what the hell is this here? A how-to-commit-the-perfect-crime??

Wear a wig. Contact lenses . Change your accent . Change Hand when writing . Layer up to make you look big if your small n vice versa . Contour the hell outta your face.

Get your car interior thoroughly washed, then purposely dirty it up again.

Also use an icicle for the weapon because it melts away Buy a ticket to a show and tell as many people / post it on social media that u went to the show

Y'all suspect af😂

*adds 363,462 more people to list of that I will fuck never with*

Make friends with a pig farmer. A full grown nursing sow can eat an entire human body, bones and all, in about 6 hours.

Shit that last one is more helpful than I wanted it to be, I’ll never look at pigs the same

Reblogging for *educational* purposes :)

This post is legendary and I’m so glad I found it. I love all the advice. Except the icicle. That’s technically impossible. Use a disposable knife instead and break the handle.

use a glass knife with wooden handle for ultimate wounding. its gonna leave a severe fucking wound and u can burn the wood and melt down the glass if it doesnt shatter inside the victim.

Thomas what did i tell you about making suspiious posts?

I love learning.

IT’S ON MY DASH I REPEAT IT’S ON MY DASH.

ON MY DASH

Also bury the body deeper than six feet, so it can’t be washed up or smelled by hounds. Yes, that may mean you dig a 12 foot deep grave. Guess what? Murder is work.

Murder is work kids.

Too much work

Creating new jobs in America one murder at a time

Also work fast and no witnesses

THIS HAS OVER A MILLION NOTES WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL!!!!!

Also if you are planning to flee the country, get that figured out way in advance. At least a year or two in advance. And make sure everyone knows you’re moving, so it’s less suspicious than to randomly leave without saying anything. Perhaps it’s studying abroad, a job opportunity, or even meeting up with a friend and/or romantic partner?

If you buey the body vertically don’t forget to leave a few feet above the head and place some animal bones on it so when the blood hounds sniff they will find the animal bones and the police would likely rule it as a false positive. Also globally the solving rate for murder is 45% so don’t worry too much

Don’t forget it’s just a missing person case if they can’t find the body.

Hmm

Dances with plans

Helpful tumblr. Real helpful.

Thank you Tumblr. Now I have ideas :)

@hellsite-hall-of-fame

@turtlegiyuuu

I have stuff written I swear

it’s like rock paper scissors: baby oil defeats condom, baby defeats baby oil, condom defeats baby

It is possible that somewhere off the coast of Newfoundland there is an iceberg shaped like a giant dick.

AND THE PHOTOGRAPHER COMES FROM DILDO, NEWFOUNDLAND

Mr. Pretty from Dildo, Newfoundland photographed a Giant Penis Shaped Iceberg

@ fic authors what do you personally consider a successful fic? What’s the bar?

actually writing the fic down

I can lock in trust

Link for extension :3c

👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

extension for firefox users

Is that a miette?

Pride for you!  Pride for a thousand years!!

you COME OUT to miette? you come out to her as queer? oh! oh! pride for mother! pride for mother for One Thousand Years!!!!

affirmations they will not kill me at work today. it is not in my job description to get killed. if they did kill me at work that would be weird and probably not worth it for them

Atsushi walking into the Agency on Day 1

You expect people on tumblr to be smart and notice stuff?

no thats why I did it

Please keep interacting with this post because when I come to tumblr to procrastinate, this shows up again in my notifications and guilts me into writing again