Pure of heart, Dumb of Ass, Lover of Life

if i think too hard about nikki’s experience in Obsession i feel physically ill. imagine one second you’re just walking up to your house after a night out, and then the next, you’re looking out of your own body, but you’re not longer in control. you’re a prisoner to a terrible, unnatural version of yourself that only exists because of a choice someone else made. when you scream, nobody listens. when you claw your way out for long enough to explain that this isn’t you, nobody listens. when you beg the man who trapped you in this situation to put and end to it, to set your free, he just. doesn’t. listen. and then when you do finally regain control, all your friends are dead, and you are covered in their blood. because of a choice someone else made

there’s something so gutwrenching about the fact that the female characters in obsession have real dreams and wishes but never get the chance to see them realized, while both male characters waste their wishes on short-term selfish satisfaction. they were complex, free-spirited young women who just wanted to create art, and they were destroyed by a man determined to confine them to his superficial perception of them. nikki wanted to be a writer, sarah wanted to be a tattoo artist and now neither of them will get to be anything at all

oh and another thing that devastates me about Obsession is how much nikki is judged and blamed by those around her. sarah and ian repeatedly telling bear that he shouldn’t have to deal with her, that she’s not his responsibility, that they’re worried she’s taking advantage of him. as if they aren’t also her friends, as if they shouldn’t know her well enough to notice something is off. there’s no concern for why nikki is behaving the way she is, there’s just distain towards it. she starts acting out of character and so it must all be intentional. but bear doesn’t get questioned. bear isn’t gossiped about. nikki loses all her agency and autonomy, and all she gets for it is judgment

I genuinely appreciate how obsession doesn't try to frame bear as morally grey but just fully leans into how deplorable he is. a lesser movie would have tried to give him redeeming moments along the way but no, at every single crossroads bear makes the wrong choice. when the customer service rep asks him if he wants to cancel his wish, he says no, and asks to alter it. when nikki, the real one, begs him to kill her, he asks her "if it would be so bad to love him", and right at the end, backs out of killing himself and tries to throw the pills up. he is the villain, not another victim, not a confused, cowardly boy, the villain.

"but I didnt learn about the usa's wrongs in school 😢 we don't know anything cause they didn't teach us anything 😢" well no one in my school in india told me that our country is a regionally hegemonic war criminal you're just entitled and insultingly uncurious

in fact they told us completely propagandised nonsense about how pre colonial hindu kingdoms were extremely peaceful but were forced to defend themselves against regular invasions solely by muslims. this is something v easily contradicted by the foundational story of ashoka's turn to buddhist dhamma being the brutality of the kalinga war.

the point being made is school, everywhere in the world is a deeply political project and is marshalled for the purpose of nation building. you're not going to hear about the sins of your nation in any serious way at school most anywhere in the world, and expecting that it should have betrays a certain lack of uhh, street smarts. its for children and run by the govt.

That's too late to be born have you tried being born earlier

Ill try that next time

Do or do not there is no try