Tracey's wellness journey

Running my way back to Tracey

A few weeks ago I had another mental health crisis and ended up in hospital yet again. It hit my hard as I am doing everything I can to stay well and get my life back on track, yet despite all my efforts at fighting, my brain still got overwhelmed and parts of me destabilised and chaos ensued. I spent just over a week on an acute ward, the art therapy helped me work through some turmoil, but…

I spiralled and I fell deep, the voices overpowered me and I was left in a heap. I had a near miss but the angels came through. Yet again they said, “life is still for you”.

God reached down from on high and pulled me out of harms way. He said “I’ve always got your back, stick with me and pray”.

I am sad that I’m not who I was and I’m so far away from living fully free, but I know this…

Dissociative Identity Disorder & why exercise helps

I had a really tough day Monday, but have picked up again throughout the rest of the week. I was not very grounded Monday and was way back in my head with difficult voices and intrusive images, heightened emotions and crashed confidence. Seeing my nephews Monday night instantly brought me back to myself and I was laughing and having fun again. It is so weird when I am not myself, as it is…

Unpacking the hells and highs of this week

I don’t know where to begin in explaining how this week has been, it has been like a car crash and a sunrise, a light over the hill after trudging through treacle.

I have been dissociating and switching quite badly, 5 presentations of different alters at once in one instance and I can’t find my way through, sometimes I can barely breathe they smother me out like I am a dimmed dot and they are…

Physical reaction to stress – conversion disorder

A couple of weeks ago I had stroke like symptoms, my left arm and hand was numb with a lack of power, this was more than my usual dissociative symptoms that I often experience, my vision went strange with loss of peripheries and a sink hole / tunnel vision type experience. I couldn’t express myself articulately and I felt sick. An ambulance took me to A&E due to the stroke like nature of this…

Cycling and weight loss challenges

I am so pleased with my new road bike, thank you Velo Schills. I have been out on it just a few times this week, still getting use to the gear changes and the brakes – almost collided with a car on a down hill today where I lost control, so definitely need to work on my steering and breaking! eep!

In the gap waiting for my new bike I put on a few pounds again which is very discouraging,…

Small changes make significant differences

This week has been so much better, I think mostly due to a change in the way I take my anxiety medication, changed from having it as PRN to having it regularly and it has made such a huge difference. Anxiety is a huge trigger for a lot of my mental health symptoms so keeping it at bay as much as possible is key.

I also sold my hybrid bike and am just waiting for my road bike to be ready, I am…

Hope and habit tracking

It has been a very rocky week, I felt rather hopeless. I couldn’t see an end to my mental health problems, to the dissociating, to hearing voices and having hallucinations, nightmares, just feels like a constant battle. I felt like a burden and wanted to quit! The heaviness in my head was unbearable. I don’t know why this last week has been so bad, it just gets like that sometimes, but it has…

Before Dissociative Identity Disorder (when I danced)

I have just seen a video from 2011 of me dancing with my friends in the ‘Stepsukaz’ crew, full of life, full of energy, full of passion, mentally well. It brought me to tears because it was such a memorable and happy time. I didn’t even know that Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) existed, my head was mine and everything that was in it was fully me. No voices, no hallucinations, yes I still had…

How a jellyfish gives me greater perspective

It has been a rocky week and the weekend was particularly rough. I dissociated and had commanding voices yet again, was hallucinating and my risk was high. I think it was triggered by over doing it, I was trying to do too much, too soon! I got ambitious and had high hopes for the trajectory my life was heading in. I stopped respecting my mental health and neglected self-care, things spiralled…

managing anxiety

Anxiety is useful in certain situations, such as having adrenaline for a performance or completing tasks, however, sometimes anxiety can be experienced constantly, it can be debilitating and can effect functioning in every day life.

Anxiety is experienced on a spectrum and manifests itself differently for…

Image by ShonEjai from Pixabay 

There is ample information and facts on the internet about depression so I won’t go into any of that. I will just talk about my personal experience of it to see if it can help anyone relate or further understand, or to know you are not alone! Everyone is unique and will experience depression differently, but there are some commonalities.

For me, it comes in…

Image by Tumisu from Pixabay 

Complex PTSD is often caused by experiencing multiple traumas, often childhood abuse, which can include sexual, emotional, mental and physical abuse. People with Complex PTSD may avoid things that could trigger them, such as the news, magazines, TV. People with Complex PTSD often suffer from flashbacks, nightmares and hyper-vigilance. Some people experience…

Image by Free-Photos from Pixabay  Confused about how productive to be during COVID19?

This is such an unprecedented time, everyone is responding differently and each day can feel different. Some people are of the mindset to make the most of this time, to catch up on chores, enjoy a hobby, read books, do an online course,…

It is Day 8 of 30 days to healthy living and I have lost 1.5kg / 3.3lbs. So pleased with that as I do not want to yo-yo, I am purposefully doing this in a steady and very healthy, densely nutritious way. The 30 day plan I am on is so supportive of that.

Had a tough Easter weekend with my mental health, felt very anguished at times and was very restless. It was like I had 50 rats scratching…

Day 2 is going well, I am sticking to the healthy eating plan and instead of eating to satisfy a craving, I am eating to fuel my body and mind. A whole foods, densely nutritious plan. I love that I am learning to think of my body as a temple and as an engine that needs the right energy, vitamins and minerals to function at its best. I am aiming for the best of gut health, heart health, mental…

90 day detox SCRAPPED! 30 days to healthy living – here we go!

Image by pasja1000 from Pixabay 

As some of you know, on the 9th March I started a 90 day detox challenge. It went well to begin with and then I fell off the wagon, was back on the wagon and back off again! I found it really hard to commit too. I think setting myself up for such a long stint was not conducive to motivation, especially during a pandemic!

So, today I have made the decision…