#conversiondisorder

After a variety of tests which included blood work, CT scans, and my doctor consulting with neurology, the doctors finally ruled out a few things. (Let me emphasize the word few). So after a month of tests, we were able to start out with a possible solution, anxiety. Conversion Disorder is something which sounded oddly familiar, so I wasn't opposed when an SSRI was prescribed.

(For more information on Conversion Disorders, visit here.)

 I started out at the lowest dose, 5mg, or half a pill once a day. It was forewarned that I wouldn't see many changes at first, other than the potential that my anxiety might become worse. The first three days were pretty miserable, just as the doctor expected, I was crawling out of my skin.

Once the medicine started settling in, I started to see a few small changes. My headaches, which I had been getting everyday, were starting the fade. However, everything else stayed the same. The dose takes 4-6 weeks to reach its full effects, so patiently I waited for what I thought was a cure.

But it wasn't.

The next visit was scheduled for exactly 6 weeks later, as soon as my doctor entered the room I explained to her how the medicine wasn't working. She suggested the dose was too small and doubled it. 

Six more weeks went by with no change what so ever.

Again, six weeks later I visited the all too familiar doctors office and pleaded for a different action. She sighed, also let down with the realization that this wasn't a quick fix, and increased to 15mg. I wasn't happy at all, and tried as politely as possible to explain that I no longer agreed with the diagnosis. The only deal we made was the nurse would call in two weeks and if there was no change we could increase one last time. 

Two weeks came in went, with the only change being two pills now instead of one and a half.

At this point I was only 20 mg of one medication, as well as five different vitamin supplements, as well another prescription. My fear of being dependent on too many medications was now a reality, which made me even more anxious, but still with the seizures.

It was interesting at my highest dose, how the seizures stayed, but the medicine brought along newer side effects. Those closest to me who knew I was taking an SSRI noted my increased anxiety as well as how much quicker I was to become irritated. I felt like a walking zombie a large amount of time, and literally would fall asleep standing up. It was more than embarrassing when I couldn't keep my eyes open when I visited with my boyfriends parents one afternoon and fell asleep on the stairs.  

Finally, I came to the realization that I needed to further take my health into my own hands, and stopped the SSRI. I still don't know if this was a good or a bad plan. The ideology behind SSRIs is exactly what is stands for, a Selective serotonin re-uptake inhibitor, in other words it targets a specific area in the brain and increases the dosage of serotonin. So now my body was use to such a increased dose, stopping meant withdrawal.  

Withdrawal lasted around a week. However I cannot blame my symptoms solely on the SSRI as I was currently battling an infection, extreme dizziness, and recovering from a minor surgery (something which had nothing to do with the seizures). So I'm not sure to what extend withdrawal had on my body, but now being two weeks SSRI free, I can say I feel a lot different.

Even though I still have seizures regularly. 

My next doctors appointment is less than two days away, and I need to have yet another lengthy conversation about what will come next. All I know is this solution was in fact more of a problem. All I can stress from this is saying that there is no such thing as a quick fix when it comes to your health. If something doesn't seem like it's working, it probably isn't. Please, talk to a professional about alternatives.

[POSSIBLE SPOILERS]

  Conversion by Katherine Howe was quite a good book in my opinion, it had characters that evolved, an interesting plot and witches (all things that make a story good). But on the other hand it was no literary masterpiece, and the ending made no sense.

  Coleen is a senior at a prestigious all girls high school, who is looking forward to becoming valedictorian and going off to college the following year. Strange things start happening to the girls in the school though, seizures, tics, and vomiting needles. Coleen starts receiving strange texts pushing her to read “The Crucible” (A play about the Salem Witch Trials). After researching Coleen begins to suspect that the strange epidemic at her school that has been diagnosed as PANDAS (Pediatric Autoimmune Neuropsychiatric Disorders Associated with Streptococcal infections)  is not an epidemic at all but simply a mass faking in order to get out of finals. After further investigation Coleen realizes that her home town of Danvers was once Salem village and she begins to wonder if darker forces are at work….

Observations  [SPOILERS START HERE]:

  The romance between Coleen and Spence is literally so fucking irelavent to the plot it makes me hurt. The book would have been so much better if it weren’t pepper throughout with these random “and then we made out” scenes. BOOKS DON’T NEED ROMANCE TO SELL!!

  The ending confused me. Either I’m stupid or the ending makes no sense.

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On a scale of 1 to oh dear god this book needs to burn in hell (10) :

  Sexisim: 5

  Sex: 1 (A lot more if you think about what probably happened between Emma and Tad ;)

  Idiots: 3

  Pointless Violence: 1

  ~Thanks for reading!~