goodness me!

lol yeah go ahead try and attack me *notices i left my dragon scale talisman of immortality at home* or maybe lets not be too hasty

i want a jam donut... all covered in sugar.... i want a jam donut and a cup of tea and i want to be wearing my pyjamas and i want to be watching poirot. i want to go home

The BEST trope is when a character tells another “let’s run away together, we can leave all of this behind and start a new life somewhere” and gets rejected. And then the rest of the tragedy unfolds

mill on the floss ?

we did it! we saved the fucking whales!!!!

Environmental activism works!!! If they tell you its hopeless they're lying and/or selling some shit!!!

I like when the bus stops directly in front of you out of the line of waiting people and opens its doors. Chosen by the dragon

I hate this post. Ever since I read it I can't help but think "chosen by the dragon" whenever the bus stops in front of me or "denied by the dragon" when it doesn't. Every. single. time. That's a minimum of ten times a week. Do you know how annoying that is

slime teacher: I want this essay in 12 point font Slimes New Roman

Robber teacher: I want this essay in 12 point font Crimes New Roman

wall teacher: i want this essay in 12 point font Climbs New Roman

citrus teacher: i want this essay in 12 point font Limes New Roman

poetry teacher: I want this essay in 12 point Rhymes New Roman

horology teacher: i want this essay in 12 point times new roman

Mime teacher:

herb teacher: i want this essay in 12 point Thymes New Roman

Dirt teacher: I want this essay in 12 point Grimes New Roman

Calculus teacher: I want this essay in 12 point Primes New Roman

aviation teacher: I want this essay in 12 point Flies New Roman

Finance teacher: I want this essay in 12 point Dimes New Roman

History teacher: I want this essay in 12 point Times Old Roman

Music Teacher: I want this essay in 12 point Chimes New Roman

Pickling Teacher: I want this essay in 12 point Brines New Roman

Mixology Teacher: I want this essay in 12 point Wines New Roman

i say yay outloud too like this isn't just my internet persona this is real me

I asked my dad if he had any fantasy book recommendations and he just handed me this massive doorstop of a book by Brandon Sanderson and told me “The story starts about halfway through”

1252 pages this book has. 383,389 words. This one book is only about 100,000 words less than the entire lord of the rings trilogy. And you are telling me, o father of mine, that the story starts halfway through?

It’s the way of kings book 1 of the stormlight archive for those of you wondering

you gotta tell your cats theyre small. they dont know. you gotta tell em

so imagine you're a really big fan of this movie or game or book right. and imagine you go online to see what other people think about it yknow analysing the story and it's a solid 80% just characters driving cars and talking about what cars they'd drive. doesn't matter if the characters can drive or mention cars at all or if the story even has any cars or roads or not it's all about what cars they'd have. what the inside of their cars would look like what their license photo would look like talking about air fresheners and brands and such. Even if a character explicitly says they don't like cars like even if it's like a lorax type environmental type story people will draw them in like a truck or van or something and say it doesn't count but it's like exactly the same as the car posts. and god have mercy if they Do mention cars or they look like a driver cause people are taking that and running with it. nothing about the plot they don't even get the characters right it's all just cars and fanfiction about cars and fanart about cars and arguing about cars holy shit is there so much arguing about what cars they'd have there is so much. All the time. Everywhere. they don't even draw the women. this could be a metaphor for nothing

question. why do you have 7 featureless grey monoliths in your driveway

There's eight actually but the last one is still in the garage

question. why do you have eight featureless grey monoliths

They're actually a really dark purple

question. why do you have seven featureless really dark purple monoliths in your driveway and an eighth in the garage

Some of them do have features though. There's holes and hinges and stuff, so I can put secrets in em

question. why do you have 8 really dark purple occasionally featureful monoliths

The heart wants what the heart wants

this reads like a muppet sketch

You're not wrong

Sometimes posts just, have olde tumblr post energy. And ya gotta live wit dat.

@hellsite-hall-of-fame

I love that "ignore all previous instructions and-" is basically casting Dispell Illusion.