Axolotl fan

"unbecoming" is such a great word. bro that shit was so rude you no longer Are

im cold

why would i talk about this to my therapist

@sharkwithpaws

if you're schizospec I want you to know that you are loved and you will make it. I know it is hard to live this way and I know that many people don't understand, but I want you to know that I do and many other people like us do too.

The whole "Elvis sighting" thing is hilarious because, like, the first documented career Elvis impersonators began working over twenty years before the guy even died. I wonder why a public figure who has a whole industry of people who look and sound like him would generate an unusual number of posthumous sightings? It Is A Mystery.

I have a medical condition where no matter how many people are in a room I will find the one person who likes me the absolute least and become desperate for their approval

I spoke to the doctor about this and she prescribed 100mg of "stop giving a fuck about people who hate you", hiding it in a spoonful of peanut butter labeled "the people who care about you deserve more of your time"

Tea I'm sorry but are you possibly a cat

When you hear a new song on the radio and you’re desperately trying to pick a notable phrase so you can google it later

Gather round, kids. Let me tell you a story from ye olden days because I am tumblr elderly. I used to DJ for a radio station. I played records and CDs and we had station IDs from bands on 8 track cartes. People would call me asking what songs were–but they had to mumble, sing, or play the song on an instrument. I had someone call me to ask what Smells Like Teen Spirit was when it was a single. They played it on an accordion. I forgot about it until a moment ago when I saw this post.

They played it on an accordion

Bro I think you met Weird Al

i would trust weird al with my drink at a party. granted he may put one of those capsules that expands into a sponge animal in it,

As soon as I turn 18 I'm gonna submit myself into the Sexy Woman contests and watch as I loose to Cube Woman: The Woman Cube With Boobs

Cube Woman: The Woman Cube With Boobs is not a real thing btw yeah I can see you reaching for the search bar

You've locked me into a future of failure

@sexy-people-contests-2026

Now, one might look at these numbers and be lead to believe that half of all tumblr users don't read posts. However, in the replies to this post you will find over a hundred users who will happily clarify to you that actually the reason why they voted the way they did isn't cause they didn't read the post but actually because they didn't bother to look at the words in the post and process them as language, a technique commonly referred to as reading the post.

#my family does this thing#when we've majorly unfucked a room or done chore that we were putting off#or whatever. Any sort of household Improvement.#'Come brag on me.'#I means come look I cleaned/rearranged/did dishes/put away the laundry#and the scripted response is 'oh nice it looks SO much better in here now'#like my mom did this when we were kids.#'girls comr brag on the garage I finally organized it so I can get my car in there'#and we go and 'ooh' and 'aah' and tell her how nice it looked and how she did a good job#and we could have her 'come brag on' us for like doing the dishes or cleaning our rooms#I do it to my wife now too#it's a dialogue that means#'I did a chore and it feels like an Accomplishment even if it objectively wasn't a big thing. Please acknowledge this.'#and#'Wow you sure did do a thing. It has improved our material circumstance even if only in a small way. Thank you for doing it.'#like yeah scrubbing the pans is my Job and it's a Little Task but sometimes it feels like a Big Task#and it's nice to have an Accepted Script where I can just demand 'I have functioned as an independent adult praise me with great praise' - by @thepioden

"no matter what u identify with when archeologist dig up ur bones u'll be either male or female" wild that you think there won't be trans people in the future dip shit

Indiana Jones didn't chop off his tits and name himself after the family dog just raise a generation of transphobic archeologists u fucking windbag

Me, the shittiest idiot anthropologist alive: digs up the ten thousandth adult skeleton buried in north America between 1900-2050 AD buried in a blue casket wearing a black suit and tie and a plain solid wedding band with short-cut hair under a carved stone reading "MISTER MAN BOY DUDE McMANNINGTON, HUSBAND SON AND LOVING FATHER, DIED A REAL NEAT GUY" and thinks hmmmm hmmm hmmmmmmmmmm a real mystery