Toll :3

the real moral lesson in chess is that you can only move forwards 5-6 times in your life before you're turned into a beautiful queen but also rarely you might be turned into a horse

Trans positive 1940s mafia goon: of course ya have "broad shoulders" sugar, you ARE a broad.

columbo villains are addicted to logically explaining why they can’t be the killer. columbo will ask them a question and they can never be like omg I have no idea I was in shock, they always gotta be like. ah, lieutenant, I assume I must be your prime suspect since I stood to inherit my great-uncle’s litter of solid gold puppies? well just to clear that up, old man George the puppy smelter can tell you that I entered the barn at precisely 11:53 so I could not possibly have been at the scene of the crime when someone murdered my poor great uncle at 11:55. also I’ve been carrying around this letter which proves that I won’t inherit the puppies anyway just in case you asked me such an insulting question

welcome to my farm where I keep my dark horse my black sheep my scapegoat and my underdog. my canary in the coal mine died ages ago

It’s a mess here: someone looked your gift dark horse in the mouth, led it to water, and jumped back on it. Your ducks aren’t in a row, someone counted the chickens before they hatched. Your geese are silly, your brown cows aren’t explaining how, and every one of these sheep is a wolf but they don’t even notice with the amount of wool over their eyes. I’m fining you one million gold coins.

it was the goat blame the goat

using windows movie destroyer to make youtube soap

kind of a milf. reblog

sometimes i struggle to use the word ‘bootlicker’ in a negative sense because of sexual desires i will not disclose here

Is it licking boots?

because of sexual desires i will not disclose here.

Absolutely based

always reblog bonnie

I'm not even sure if they do still make tumblr

I love the word "beeline." youre in such a hurry youre doing bug movement