Be my everything

Oh my fucking god.

JESUS CHRIST

I’m still amazed at how they got a “noot noot” to sound so much like a “fuck you”

"Are you more of a family or career oriented person?" Babygirl im a bed oriented person. Snork mimimi

If you sacrifice one, they'll eventually demand another.

I'm telling you, Blorbo, I have the finest copy of my shows in the basement, please follow me

we can take the Eeby Deeby - no, no, I promise it's not going to Gay Superhell - look, Eebders Deebeorg was an outlier adn should not have been counted

Where did I get this Eeby Deeby? Well, there was this lovely Middle Eastern gentleman who was selling copper, the finest copper—

hnnnnngg I’m trying to get blorbo into my plinko but the eeby deeby I bought from the copper merchant who as it turns out was EXTREMELY disreputable (who is he, to treat me with such contempt?!) is dummy thicc, thicc enough to block the Suez Canal in fact, and the eebert of the deebert is so scrimblo bimblo it keeps alerting the horse

yoU PLINKO BLORBO?! you plinko blorbo like the HORSE?! Oh, Eeby Deeby for Glup Shitto! Eeby Deeby for Glub Shitto for 1000 YEARS

“Eeby Deeby” is, in this case, putting an orange buttered cat face-first into a trashcan

This entire snost (snail post) is almost as smooth as a shark.

dump his ass. move to a walkable city. start hormones. get into fiber crafts. dye your hair weird. grow an herb garden. foster a distrustful cat. take a welding class. invite your friends over for tea and cake. get way too into obscure media. explore a new cuisine. lie to the police. protest in the streets. life has so many possibilities don't it?

make out with a frenemy. buy noise cancelling headphones. wear office inappropriate attire. quit a toxic workplace. improve your apartment. start a dog walking sidegig. get on first name basis with your local librarians. bully politicians at town hall meetings. get an unexpected piercing. cultivate farmer's market connections. trade recipes with a gossipy old neighbor. unionize your apartment complex. move to the countryside. let a friend take you larping. keep a sword on your mantleplace

get a tattoo on your 40th birthday. be tempted to buy a loom. do a charity drag show. sue your landlord. buy a really nice kitchen appliance. volunteer at an anarchist soup kitchen. rediscover a tv show you watched when you were 8. spam your state senators. shop at asian grocery stores. do cosplay. buy trans flags in bulk and mount them along the highway. go viral for unexpected reasons. move in with your best friend. make lemoncello with leftover lemon rinds. run for school board membership. explore pegging.

update: i'm delighted to report this post has been responsible for at least one person dumping his ass

update: three four people

Hey. Why isn’t the moon landing a national holiday in the US. Isn’t that fucked up? Does anyone else think that’s absurd?

It was a huge milestone of scientific and technological advancement. (Plus, at the time, politically significant). Humanity went to space! We set foot on a celestial body that was not earth for the first time in human history! That’s a big deal! I’ve never thought about it before but now that I have, it’s ridiculous to me that that’s not part of our everyday lives and the public consciousness anymore. Why don’t we have a public holiday and a family barbecue about it. Why have I never seen the original broadcast of the moon landing? It should be all over the news every year!

It’s July 20th. That’s the day of the moon landing. Next year is going to be the 54th anniversary. I’m ordering astronaut shaped cookie cutters on Etsy and I’m going to have a goddamn potluck. You’re all invited.

Hey. Hey. Tumblr. Ides of March ppl. We can do this

Hell yeah moon holiday

Ooh coming up we should celebrate

PITCH: We call it Moon Day, and then every 7 years when it falls on a Monday, that's an even BIGGER deal and we call that Moon Day Monday and go absolutely apeshit about it (the next Moon Day Monday is in 2026 so we have a couple trial runs first)

MOON DAY MOON DAY MOON DAY

moon day is 20th July!!!

Scheduling this a day earlier to remind you all and myself about the Moon Day tomorow!

Happy moon day to all who celebrate

This is your reminder to prep for Moon Day on July 20th.

Moon day Monday is SOON!!!!!

I'm putting this on my calendar

I usually hate seeing people being stiffed for their labor but I think it’s very funny ICE agents have not been getting their $50k sign on bonus, many are still waiting for their healthcare benefits to kick in and some are complaining they haven’t been getting their paychecks. You sold your soul to the Exploiting and Abusing People Agency and they started exploiting you too? Wow. Crazy.