Oh Fuck, Oh No

I'm glad that people are still having fun on tumblr even after we found out about the frightening ghoul that reblogs posts but doesn't say anything

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yesterday my uber driver told me he stopped wearing glasses and just decided his eyes were better and I was like man as the passenger in this elantra I would like you to keep more secrets from me

i just saw a post on reddit titled "the writer is cooking but the food doesn't agree with me" and it was about OP clicking off a fic because they don't like the direction it's going in. slightly different context but can we all be more like this reddit OP. i think "the writer is cooking but the food doesn't agree with me" should be the new "don't like don't read." dead doves may give you diarrhea but don't make that everyone else's problem.

you will have coworkers more incompetent than you could even dream of

I lied I don't have Netflix we're pressing on each other's bruises until someone taps out

"the best revenge is living well" ok can i have the second best revenge then? preferably one where he gets hit by a meteor and goes bankrupt?

This is a the funniest fucking post I have seen in a year because first the spelling and backstory makes you think he got a role as one of the beatles, and then after the preposterous reveal she says that isnt actually a problem, and I don't think anything more could be funnier than the actual post cutting it off as she makes it all about the couch. Comedy writers please study this.