dear maria count me out

bus is my friend. shes no train but shes trying her hardest in a world that hates her

you’re so fucking spoiled you get to pick out which radiator you get chained to

can we get anne carson on hot ones

the phrase really should be "eat your cake and have it too" im with the unabomber on this one

okay, im "sorry" i tested my dual scythe combos/fever mode on your "smol bean" boyfriend

getting kicked off love island for just swimming in the pool and not talking to anyone

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trust that garlic and i are well acquainted

love island should introduce a "scheming eunuch" islander who is like a smart and completely asexual islander exempt from being kicked off or being made to participate in any challenges and they're just there to provide advice and be a sort of sounding board for the other islanders when they need a disinterested party to talk things through with. but the scheming eunuch has secret goals unbeknownst to anyone e.g. a cash prize for talking a certain couple into breaking up etc.

i wanna be so offline but unfortunately i love my mutuals and fanfiction

cannibalism as a metaphor for killing and eating people

just ask that person out, the worst thing they can say is an esoteric incantation that topologically inverts your body

new mychart message! aw damn....doc says my reality and existence lab work was wayyy off so she's referring me to an Ontologist

going on a guilt trip do yall want anything

if you really cared about me you wouldn't have to ask

Your heart is not true enough to enter the gates of Margaritaville

My heart was heavier than the feather; I am sentenced to Rainforest Cafe

the sewing machine is a delicate breed of horse