faggot ! you will live forever

hi raith!!!

i remember it like this: in the dead quiet winters, we would huddle side against side in your basement, bundled in piles of blankets, desperately avoiding the barren cold that was the concrete floor. we fat-fingered the buttons on the joycons, the controllers dull and scratched around the sides from use despite the fact you’d only gotten it last christmas. we attributed the scratches to your brothers, but i always thought your grip was a little too tight for none of them to be your fault. then, there was the glint in your eyes as you inevitably won, grinning wide as we shoved shoulders and spat insults without the venom. eventually i’d get tired of letting you beat me and we’d scamper up the stairs on all fours to your room. we’d sprawl across your bed in a pile of limbs and loose teeth, split candy you’d squirreled into hidden desk drawers months ago. we spoke in the way only children can, the words endless and easy and without their designated weight, the polished wood of your bedframe our confessional box. and then there were the bright, dirt stained days, the summers thick with heat. crew socks bunched up uneven at your ankles, our knees scabbed six times over. the grass scratching at our necks, the pavement blending into sun melted tar. i remember this part vividly: the fresh tangerine you bit full faced into, the way juice dripped down your chin and dried sticky sweet on your fingertips. and the sun blurred above us, and your swingset creaked with rust in the background, and i tried and failed to tear my eyes away from your face, and i thought to myself i hope it’s like this forever. i was in love with you in the way only children can be- endless and easy and without it’s designated weight.