Untitled

Jaune: Wait… I know this game.

Weiss: Whatever do you mean?

Jaune: You plan to flick my nose.

Weiss: What nonsense is this?

Jaune: You mean to humiliate me.

Weiss: I only wish to help you my love.

Jaune: Simply remove your finger and I will look.

Weiss: If I remove my finger you won’t be able to see.

Jaune: What kind of sorceress mustard is this where I cannot see with my own eyes?

Weiss: Your muscular pectorals my love, they block your view.

Jaune: I don’t believe you.

Weiss: Only I can tell you where the mustard lies.

Jaune: You are breaking my heart.

Weiss: By the Brothers’ grace I do not lie.

Jaune: Oh what a den of grimm this is!

Weiss: Face your destiny.

Jaune: To battle then!

Jaune/Weiss: AHHHHHH!

"Wait, wait, wait!" Sokka blurted, throwing his hands up. "You actually have gods in your world!?"

Jaune gave a slow nod. "Yeah."

Katara frowned slightly. "You don't have spirits?"

"Nope," Jaune replied. "Just the gods."

"And... how has that worked out?" Aang asked cautiously.

Jaune opened his mouth, ready with an answer, only for the reality of Remnant to come crashing back into his mind. Salem and her curse of immortality. The endless war that had swallowed his entire world.

He grimaced. "Not great."

Toph tilted her head. "Seriously? How bad are we talking?"

"Yeah," Sokka added. "How badly can gods screw things up?"

Jaune let out a long, tired sigh. "They're basically the reason my world's doomed," he admitted. "They refused to bring a woman's husband back from the dead, then made her immortal when she got angry about it. Now she's spent centuries trying to wipe out humanity, and everyone else gets to suffer because of it."

Silence fell over the group.

Aang stared at Jaune in open disbelief. Katara's expression tightened with concern, while even Toph looked caught off guard by the sheer insanity of what she'd just heard. Sokka, meanwhile, shifted awkwardly, clearly scrambling for something, anything, to say.

"...Yikes," Sokka muttered. "That's rough, buddy."

Sokka: My girlfriend turned into the moon.

Zuko: That’s rough, buddy.

Neo: 🤔

———————————————————

Team RWBY: *scrambling through combined exam/endurance course* 🥵

Cinder: *blows whistle* All right ladies, hit the showers! 😠

Yang: Ugh…! Professor Fall is the worst…! 😫

Weiss: I like her! She thinks I have potential!

Blake: I guess she knows what she’s talking about, but I’m getting some shifty vibes from her…

Ruby: She can have whatever vibes she wants if it makes her cut me some slack on dust combinations!

———————————————————

Neo: *observing with a clipboard and a critical eye* 🤨

Jaune: *wearing a ski mask and holding a gun* THIS IS A F****** RAID!!! EVERYONE DOWN!!! 🤬

Pyrrha: *magnetically unlatches electronic lock*

Ren: *picks mechanical backup lock*

Nora: *carrying gold bars to getaway vehicle*

How true persons of culture sees Jaune

Meanwhile

Jaune's significant others in a five mile radius.

???: ... I can't explain it but I have a sudden urge to cheat on Jaune for some reason?

I BEG YOUR FINEST F##KING PARDON?

We don't do that NTR BULLS##T HERE.

We're tired of it.

[YOUR OPINION WILL BE BRRRRRRRTT'ed NOW]

How true persons of culture sees Jaune

Meanwhile

Jaune's significant others in a five mile radius.

???: ... I can't explain it but I have a sudden urge to cheat on Jaune for some reason?

I BEG YOUR FINEST F##KING PARDON?

We don't do that NTR BULLS##T HERE.

We're tired of it.

[YOUR OPINION WILL BE BRRRRRRRTT'ed NOW]

Ruby: You sob whenever anyone reminds you of Bye Bye Butterfree-

Jaune: *Crying* SO DO YOU-

*Shows the Ash and Butterfree reunion*

Jaune and Ruby:

Blake: Why would you show them that!?

Weiss: I thought it would bring them closure or something!

Ruby: Oh crud! I’m so sorry, Jaune!

Jaune: It’s ok… Vomit Girl~.

Ruby: Hi kids. I'm everyone's favorite heroine Ruby Rose. And I'll be hosting this show.

Jaune: And I'm her co-host. Jaune Arc.

Ruby: Today's lesson is about asking someone out.

If you're lucky the cute blonde... I mean the person you ask out say yes.

But sometimes the person you asked out might say no and reject you.

Did you know that being rejected feels absolutely awful?

*pause for the audience*

It sure is. It as if someone just stomped on your hopes and dreams.

And it feels like it could go on forever. Without an end in sight. Which causes you to contemplate ending everything all together. 😁

Jaune: *nervous chuckles*

Ruby: But there is a way for you to guarantee success in asking that person out no matter what. Do you know what that is Jaune?

Jaune: No Ruby. I don't know what it is. Can you tell big brother Jaune what the thing is?

*pause for Ruby's response*

Ruby: Why it's easy. Just get a gun. 🔫

Jaune: Ruby... I don't think.

Ruby: Let me give a demonstration.

Jaune I like you for a long time and want to go on a date with you.

So please go out with me. 😊

Jaune: Ruby. I... Uh don't think I can.

Ruby:

*audience laughter*

Jaune: *scared whimpering*

Ruby: Oh? It looks like we have a caller! Let’s se who it is!

Ten year old girl: Hi, Ms. Ruby! My name is Oliva, and I took your advice from last week’s episode to get confess to my crush!

Ruby: Really!? What’s his name? What did he say?

Oliva: His name’s Cole, and he’s sitting right next to me actually! Say hello, Cole!

Cole: H-help me…

Ruby: Aw! You two are adorable! What do you think Jaune?

Jaune, from the kitchen: Yeah Rubes?

Ruby: You gotta check out this freaky deer outside.

Jaune: I will in a bit Ruby, you don't want these cookies to burn do ya?

Ruby: Mmm, no...but this might be almost worth letting them burn for.

Jaune: Why's that?

Ruby: Cuz this deer is doing a neat trick! Just standing on only two hooves!

Jaune:

Jaune: *Realizes how fucked they are*

Bouncer: Welcome to the Salty Spitoon, how tough are 'ya?

Yang: Ruby. You sure you want to follow me into this bar?

I mean, this is not the kind of place you usually hang out in.

Ruby: C'mon Yang. You're the one that said you want to spend more time with me.

Yang: I'm just saying that this place only allows badasses inside the bar.

Ruby: Don't worry this is me you're talking about.

Bouncer: Next!

Yang: Right...

Anyway just follow my lead and you'll be okay.

Bouncer: I said next!

...

Wait, Yang. What are you doing outside. Get in you know we can't start the party without you.

Yang: Thanks bro. Say, you mind doing me a solid by letting my little sister in.

Bouncer: You know the rules. If she wants to get in she has to prove herself.

I take it that's her?

Ruby: *doing her little dance*

Yang: ... That's her eager face.

Bouncer: ... Right

So Yang's sister. Welcome to the Salty Spitoon, how tough are 'ya?

Ruby: How tough am I?

Well you're looking at the girl that singlehandedly took out hundreds of Beowolves all by herself.

Bouncer: Yeah, you, me and everyone else in here. Taking out a Beowolves ain't a big deal kid.

Now if you don't have anything else to prove that you're one of us then move aside little girl. You're holding the line.

Yang: It's okay Ruby. You got this. I believe in you.

Ruby: Uhm... Ah well, I managed to fit all of Jaune's cock inside of me and I only fainted like five times while doing it.

The crowds: *gasp* El Diable de Pene!

Yang: *too shocked to react*

Bouncer: El Diable... Little girl, is this true?

Ruby: Y-yeah of course he's my boyfriend. You can ask Yang about it.

Bouncer: Then let me be the first to say I cannot even imagine the amount of pain you have to endure. And to congratulate you with the entry to the Salty Spitoon. You're one of us now Ruby.

Ruby: Yippee!!!

Crowds: *cheers & hollering of congratulations towards Ruby*

Yang: WAIT JUST A GOSHDARN MINUTES!

Ruby! Since when are you and Jaune dating?

And why does everyone here know about Jaune?

Ruby: ...Ehm, it's only recently. But please don't get angry.

Bouncer: Jaune? You must mean El Diable. Yeah everyone knows him. Dude is Loco and Grande in the pants. If you know what I mean.

Yang: When I get my hands on him. I swear.

Bouncer: If you want to find him he's not that far from here.

Yang: Really where is he?!

Bouncer: He usually hangs out at that establishment.

*points*

Yang: Super Weenie Hut Jr?

Bouncer: Didn't I tell you that the dude is Loco?

Inside Super Weenie Hut Jr.

Jaune: *slurping his milkshake*

Oh boy, I sure do love being able to walk with my own two legs, having all my bones not broken and my internal organs on the inside of my body...

I don't know why I just said that.

But this is one fine milkshake...

Wait, why do I hear boss music?

*breaks down the front door*

Yang: You!!!

Sister Stealer!

Sister Defiler!

Prepare to have your legs ripped apart, your bones shattered and your organs ripped from the inside for daring to touch my sister!

Jaune: *sigh*

Well I had a good run. At least I didn't die a virgin.

Yang: *starts screaming*

The bartender:

Jaune: Yes. I just wanna let you know that I’m… I’m…

Yang:

Yang: That's isn't-!... Wait... You...? Let me think about that.

Goku: Stronger than me you say? Why don’t we test it out with a fight?

*One epic battle later*

Ruby: We're going to need a good distraction to make this work.

Jaune: Don't worry Ruby, I can buy you some time. About 8 and a half minutes in fact.

Ruby: That's more than enough, thank you Jaune.

Jaune: No problem. *watches Ruby run off before facing a crowd of henchmen*

Jaune and the henchmen singing: They were singin' bye-bye, Miss American Pie. Drove my Chevy to the levee, but the levee was dry. Them good ol' boys were drinkin' whiskey and rye. Singin', "This'll be the day that I die”~

Jaune: Ah, that was nice.

Henchman getting back to his senses: Get ‘im!

Ruby and Lancaster Child: *Giggling at something Jaune said*

Jaune: *crying* Why were all of you at mad at me island??!