Confession #1231
Love this!
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@superiorsturgeon
Confession #1231
Love this!

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Ruby: (Making a getaway) Uh, Blake, please tell me you've got some kind of super-duper awesome upgrade to the car since you and Blake got married!
Blake: Even if I did, there's not enough battery power to support our escape AND keep the car moving!
Yang: Guess we're going to do this the old fashioned way...
Weiss: Wha-
Yang: Y'ever play chicken, Weiss~?!
Weiss: YANG XIAO LONG BELLADONNA, WHAT ARE YOU DOING-?!
Blake: (Climbs out of bed)
Yang: Where are you going?
Blake: ...The club.
Yang: Why?
Blake: ...To party.
Yang: How are you gonna get there?
Blake: ...Helicopter.
Yang: ...
Blake: Yang, it's three in the morning; I'm going to the bathroom. Where ELSE would I go?
I can’t get enough of it
AMERICANS!!! DO NOT DO THIS TO FLOCK 'SECURITY' CAMERAS. REPOST AND SPREAD THE WORD
do not get IR blocking fabric or thick wool to cover your nose and mouth
do not get IR blocking sunglasses since facial recognition has moved up to targeting and identifying the upper face
do not avoid having your phone or any bluetooth devices around these cameras as they can detect and track those signals
do not buy cheap green lasers 1 milliwatt or above from etsy or walmart or amazon (i will not try and find a link if you ask)
do not use them to fry those fuckers from a distance damage the delicate inner sensors by pointing the beam in the lenses
AND unless you want to cost Flock more money in repairs, do not buy a small circle saw or a reciprocating saw and cut down the pole
OR do not climb said poles, spray paint on the solar panels, cover the lens with paint or a sticker, then use bolt cutters to sever the wires
when doing all these things, DO NOT avoid using latex gloves as fingerprints can leak through
DO NOT USE DEFLOCK TO FIND FLOCK SURVEILLANCE CAMERAS NEAR YOU
remember, flock is for YOUR safety :) even though crime rates have not gone down since they were implemented, they're being abused to track down exes and s/os, and many face pools or houses or schools or gymnasiums! Where there are no liscence plates to be found!
DO NOT DO THESE THINGS and enjoy a life under surveillance!
enjoy living in the country where 87,000 of these cameras were used to track down a woman who got an abortion!
enjoy living in the country where there's no consequences for a flock exec to watch a inside of a gymnastics place without their knowledge!
Remember, this is their American Dream.
EDIT: 53 cities have cancelled contracts with flock and are now turning to Axon, in which 🎺 invested 1-5 million dollars earlier this year. Do not limit your focus to one brand.

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Holy shit, that's fast
Biggest take away from all of this is that when Yang isn’t there to take up approximately 99% of Blake’s attention, she will devote herself to mercilessly tease Weiss and Ruby instead of making flirty eyes at her soon-to-be gf, and I for one am absolutely DELIGHTED by this new development.
Jaune: Guys, I been turn into a woman.
Ruby: don't worry Jaune we'll figure out how to change you back.
Yang: Ruby's right we'll do our..best..(looking at jaune's chest)..to..I'm sorry but are your boobs bigger then mine.
Pyrrha: Allow me to check. Jeanne, please come with me.
Weiss: I mean, you don’t HAVE to-
Pyrrha: Don’t worry, I’ll take her behind closed doors with me to measure. We’re both girls, so it’s okay.
Yang: There are ways you can measure-
Pyrrha: A hands-on approach is best.
Ruby: I don’t think-
Pyrrha: *dragging Jeanne into a closet while unbuckling her top* Can’t hear you! I’m too busy giving my partner’s chest a careful examination! 🤤

Dinner
Jaune: *At a fancy restaurant, sitting alone*
Waiter: Here's your meal sir, and the wine you ordered. An excellent vintage, what's the occasion, sir?
Jaune: It's my wife's birthday.
Jaune: *Lifts his glass* Happy birthday, darling.
Waiter: Oh, I'm sorry, has she passed?
Jaune: Oh, no. She's just on a mission and wont be back for another week.
Jaune: I get lonely without her and it was either stay home and cry or go out and do something.
Waiter: ...
*Imagine your Jaune OTP*
*sounds of a disturbance in the parking lot*
*sounds of disturbance in the entryway*
*sounds of disturbance by the hostess podium*
Pyrrha: *bursts through the door, scratched, dirty, and with a Beowulf gnawing on her heel* MADE IT!!! 😫
Waiter: …
Jaune: Pyrrha! I thought you weren’t supposed to be back until next week! *stands up and pulls out her chair* 😃
Pyrrha: *makes her way to Jaune’s table and shakes off the Beowulf* …phew…! I wasn’t sure if I would make it…! 😮💨
Pyrrha: I know I said it didn’t bother me to work on my birthday, but I was sitting in camp and thinking about it and making myself more and more sad… 😔
Pyrrha: …and the next thing I knew I had run out of camp and was killing Grimm as fast as I could, trying to do a week’s worth of work all at once!
Pyrrha: *accepts a glass of wine from Jaune* I almost didn’t get here in time! 🍷
Jaune: *turns to waiter* I’d like to order an entire crown roast of lamb and a slice of dark double chocolate cake for my wife, Remnant’s real-life champion speedrunner! 🥰
Pyrrha: 🤤
Waiter: *steps over unconscious Beowulf* …um…very good, sir…
Thinking about the fact blake canonically acts like a schoolgirl around yang, like she canonically does the anime girl hands behind the back leaning walk while talking to crush and giggling at her crushes unfunny jokes while cutesyly covering her mouth and lifts her leg when yang kisses her I just need her to twirl her hair while watching yang workout to complete the list
That girl is down so bad for Yang it's funny seeing her all giggly and stuff in contrast with her broody and antisocial introduction. 😹

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lmao how the hell did i miss this at the time. the tacos are hamas. europe is such a magical place.
Ok so if you are not European I want you to look up 'french tacos' real quick.
Ruby: You ever twist the top off of a cream-filled cookie and it's ALL cream on one side?
Jaune: I have, yeah. But then you have to eat the cookie bare without cream.
Ruby: It's like homework in cookie form.
Jaune: ...Actually, now that I think about it, I did see a complete cream disk sans cookies. Like somebody got rid of the cream and kept the cookies.
Ruby: WHAT?! WHAT?!
Jaune: Crazy, right?
Ruby: WHY NOT JUST THROW AWAY A LIVE BABY?!
I’m on Episode 2 of Smoking Behind the Supermarket With You and it feels like some kind of AU fic shipping Roger Smith and R Dorothy Wainwright from Big O.
What the sneef? I'm snorfin' here!
Hey? You doin alright @ghost--bot ??
Life hack
If you ever piss your pants and everyone starts making fun of you then just accuse everyone of being offended snowflakes
The fact that I’ve seen you mention pants-pissing and “triggered/snowflakes” once before makes me suspect you’ve actually seen some right-wing personality or influencer piss themselves.

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This is the final will and testament of Roman Torchwick. "No one gets anything. I plan to spend it all. In fact, I already did. Fuck off." -Roman Torchwick