Just a dorky little tree

How quickly we forget the dangerous crow boy who’s job it is to destroy plastic

basketball dracula isn't real dude he can't-- *sudden squeaking noises from the shadows*

*two pool toys having sex tumble by in the wind* oh thank god

*thunderous slam dunk noise*

FUCK. i think i have to learn blender

the humble manual smoothie maker after they break their hands:

every day i log in here and get beat up by genies

the horse when asked what he would like for dinner

put a bullet in me already why dont you

^ Harry du Bois would say that.

ive invented (note: dubious claim) something i call the bear diet which is mostly fruits and vegetables with fish as the main protein source and something like once a month you eat a few hyperprocessed foods of your liking because that is when you, the bear, raid a dumpster in the suburbs

after the hyperprocessed foods, do you take tranquilizers to simulate getting captured by animal control and returned to the wild?

i would settle for melatonin gummies but well. knock yourself out

they should invent a body that feels normal to be inside of

feeling like a horse frightened in a thunderstorm rn can someone please coax me and pet my mane and walk me safely to the barn holy shit