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and they were roommates <3
pt 1 || pt 2
this is going to sound like such a little sibling ass take but i genuinely believe that being a little bit annoying is actually a greater sign of maturity and self awareness than being universally likeable and on good terms with everyone
if some people find me annoying and can't stand me because of how i think and act then that means i'm a fully realized human being with my own personality and opinions and free will and not just a reflective surface for other people's desires, which is in fact a good thing despite what people who want you to just be a reflection of their own opinions and desires will tell you, and why being considered "cringe" or whatever doesn't bother me at all
also it's really funny when you're confident enough in yourself to know that people not liking you isn't always a sign that you're the problem. like there's something undeniably hilarious about being aware your mere existence has the power to piss someone off and ruin their day and i recommend embracing it.
[ID: A screenshot of a tumblr post from user kermitlesbian. It reads: "hm. I think every time I feel an impulse to people please, to be unproblematic and likable and charming and feel the safety that comes with universal adoration, I need to remind myself that I want to be loved like a person, not like a dog."]
I just want to love and be loved. why is lunch twelve dollars now

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Something that annoys me is the constant whining about "more queer spaces, more queer communities" but then they're immediately like "yeah! And we need ones that don't cost money or require a purchase!"
Girl that's exactly why they close down after a year. You NEED money to keep these places open. There's no magic Gay Money Pot with endless cash to keep these places open. It requires YOU to put your money where your values are!!
Like there was a queer coffee shop in my city. Owned and operated by a bunch of LGBT people. Not a cishet on the schedule. Tons of young people raved about it.
And it made it about 2 years before shutting down completely. Because all those young people who begged for a place exactly like this would just show up, not buy a single thing, and leave. You cannot build a community without putting your money into it. This isn't about capitalism, this is just reality. You can't open a restaurant where no one buys your food. You can't have a gay bar that only serves 5% of the population and actively excludes everyone else. This is what I mean when I say people confuse "community" and "friend group." You're not obligated to spend money when hanging out with your friend group. But if you want a lasting community centered space, you need to open up that wallet.
To take a slightly different track here, I do actually think that community spaces that don't require a purchase are a good thing and we should have them!
But we can't expect them to look exactly like spaces that do require a purchase but without the part where you spend money.
A free community space doesn't look like a queer cafe, it's the weekly groups run by a local LGBT center. It's not the bookstore that sells exclusively lesbian romance, it's that one library branch that you know the librarian working at is cool because they ordered the library system a copy of that new book with a trans MC that all your friends are talking about but you can't afford. Things that exist, and are important, but we do have to be realistic about how they come to be. Even if you don't need to purchase things to keep these spaces running, we still need to support them, through volunteering, donations, taxes, all of those sorts of things
also: if you want queer spaces that don't cost money, you should understand that will probably include homeless queer people. who also deserve queer spaces and queer community even when they can't open their wallets or be super presentable and socially adept. community isn't just your friends and your customers.
also "this isn't about capitalism" wrong. everything is about capitalism. even just in the sense that We Live In A Capitalist Economy. "this is just reality" yes! capitalist reality! capitalism is not something that can be segregated into only specific conversations and is completely unrelated to the idea that "community spaces" means "buying services from a small business" lol
I think we can and should have queer-FRIENDLY third spaces that don't cost money (meet-ups in public libraries or public parks or other public spaces), but they’re not going to be queer-ONLY.
Generally speaking, a space can't be free-as-in-beer AND gatekept.
Now accordingly to me, this is a feature, not a bug -- I want public spaces where queers and queerness are welcome, not a members-only queer country club. But some people really want exclusivity without having to pay for it.
It’s capitalism if you by capitalism you mean “the concept of entropy”
Even in a commune, a cafe requires work and materials to exist. The coffee beans need to come from somewhere, the drinks need work to come into existence, the people who do that work need to be able to eat, etc. If no one is willing to support that (as in: no one wants to do that work, or no one wants to support the people who do that work) then it cannot be sustainable.
Well, yeah, but we aren't living in a commune. We are living under capitalism. To say "its not capitalism, its just reality" acts like our material reality isn't shaped by capitalism. Capitalism shapes this discussion whether anyone likes it or not, or whether or not generally similar circumstances would exist in a different economic system.
The idea that "long-term community spaces for queer people" means "be a paying customer of a small business" is not something that exists completely detached from capitalism, given that OP goes from "there should be queer spaces that don't require you to pay to be in them" to "the only way we can have long-term queer spaces is if you open up your wallet, otherwise quit whining." Just because labor requires support no matter the circumstance does not mean capitalism is immaterial to this situation.
I agree that people should financially contribute to keeping community spaces open and available if they can, but to say this isn't about capitalism or that those who need free spaces are "whining" and just don't want to contribute is something I disagree with.
Wait what's a buildings fire evacuation plan if you aren't supposed to use the elevator to get down
You go down the stairwell/fire escape. Is that weird?
But what if you have a walker or a wheelchair??
in america at least, in this situation, there isnt one. either your loved ones or the firemen can get you out using the emergency fire escapes or stairs, or you die
That's fucking horrific, thank you
“fun” little story:
last summer my friend who is an amazingly talented artist and i were in this super tall building, and she’s in a wheelchair and i’m pushing her around the room. it’s an art exhibit and some of her art was chosen to be showcased there and so it’s all fine and dandy until suddenly an alarm starts going off
a FIRE ALARM
everyone starts running for the stairs and my friend just looks at me with this forlorn look on her face
“i can’t go down the stairs”
but i’m a stubborn bitch “i’ll carry you”
“what about my chair? it’s too expensive for me to be able to get another one if i can’t get this one back”
“i’ll carry that too”
and i did. we went to the stairs (by then most people from our floor were gone) and i lifted her up in a fireman’s carry over my shoulder and then lifted her chair up and used the ridiculous amount of adrenaline that was coursing through my veins to make it down approximately 20 half-flights of stairs until we met some people exiting lower floors, one of which who kindly took the chair. I changed positions so i was holding my friend bridal-style which was, somehow, easier and the person who took her wheelchair (with her permission to handle it of course) accompanied me to the ground floor and then out the doors
basically there is no real protocol for people who can’t use the stairs in an emergency. it’s up to the people with them, if anyone, to help them or the person to somehow make it down the stairs alone, unassisted
thank fuck that it was just a faulty alarm system, because if i was unable to carry her down those stairs and the building was on fucking fire???? then i don’t know what would have happened to her, but i don’t think it would have been very good.
it’s fucking ridiculous and ableist to the absolute max.
I use a cane. When I did a day-long fire safety training at my northeast American university (UMass Amherst), I asked that exact same question: “what am I supposed to do if the fire alarm goes off and I’m in my lab on the twelfth floor?”
the fire marshal hemmed and hawed for a while and then said to take the elevator- you’re supposed to leave it free for the fire department to use and they want able-bodied people out fast not waiting for elevators. if the fire alarm has just gone off the building probably hasn’t suffered enough structural damage to make using the elevator dangerous, and modern elevator wells are heavily reinforced. many large and high-trafficked buildings on my campus have fire rated elevators that link in with the fire alarm system so they won’t let you off on a floor with a possible fire.
if the elevator isn’t working, wait in the stairwell and call the fire department to let them know where you are. modern stairwells are also heavily reinforced- it might not be pleasant but modern building code usually requires fire-resistant stairwell doors in office and big residential buildings, also to help firefighters get in and out safely. older buildings’ stairwells may or may not be retrofitted with fire-resistant doors but a stairwell is generally the safest place to wait if you can’t get out.
what happened to your friend was horrible, and i’m very glad you were there to help her out, but you can absolutely use the elevator to evacuate if it’s not shut down. those don’t-use-the-elevator rules are for abled people.
This is GOOD TO KNOW. why do they not tell people this??
Okay, firefighter here. If you are not physically able to use the stairs, and the elevator is NOT compromised, use the elevator. But you MUST be ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN that the elevator is NOT compromised before you get into it, because there is always the chance that once you get into it, you may not exit it. Power could go out. The elevator may actually BE compromised and you just couldn’t tell from where you were until you were in there, and it suddenly shuts down on you. Something else could happen.
Understand that once you enter the elevator, you could POTENTIALLY be taking your life into your hands there.
It is NOT LIKELY, to be perfectly honest. It’s only in a pretty catastrophic scenario - think the Twin Towers, USA, on September 11th - that the elevators will be compromised and out of service. But there is a NOT ZERO PERCENT CHANCE and you need to understand that and accept it.
As for leaving the elevators free for the firefighters, okay, here’s the deal. Unless your nearest fire station is literally right next door? Your first on scene fire truck is NOT likely to be there on scene and needing that elevator before you get to the ground. It takes us TIME to find the address, gear up, and drive to the building. Then we need to hoof it into where the elevators even ARE, so YOU HAVE TIME to use the elevator to get down to the ground floor... BUT ONLY IF THERE’S NOT A RUSH ON THE ELEVATOR! And THAT is WHY we don’t tell people this shit. That’s WHY we tell people to NEVER USE THE ELEVATOR... because every self-entitled asshole will use it because they don’t feel like walking, and then put YOU in danger by delaying the elevator’s arrival to you.
IF, however, the elevator IS compromised, or you just can’t get it to come for you, or whatever, and you either don’t have anyone with you who has the adrenaline fueled BALLS to be able to toss you over their shoulder and hoof it down the stairs with you - because, let’s face it, that is RARE AS FUCK, then HERE IS WHAT YOU DO:
You call 911 and tell the call taker that you are in the building that has a fire alarm going off, and you are not able to evacuate because of a physical disability, and you tell them what floor you are on, and EXACTLY what stairwell you are waiting at. And the very FIRST thing that the firefighters are going to do once they arrive, if it is, indeed, a REAL emergency, and not a false alarm, is come get your ass and bring you down. Whether that means carrying you down the stairs, or whether that means locking out the elevators so that no one else can override them and coming to get you themselves, they WILL come get you FIRST THING if it is a real event. And if it is a false alarm? You will probably be the first person who is not involved with the building to know, because the call-taker is going to stay on the line with you until you are under someone’s care and out of danger, or until the scene has been sorted out as real or false, and you are out of danger that way.
These are pretty standard operations in the fire service throughout the United States. There may be some minor variations based on specific municipalities, but, for the most part, this is pretty typical: LIFE BEFORE PROPERTY. So, as long as SOMEONE knows where you are - hence why you call 911 - Firefighters will come get you. You are NOT alone, and you have NOT been abandoned. I PROMISE. It’s like, our whole reason for doing the shit we do: to save lives and to break shit. Sometimes, we get lucky enough to do both at the same time.
High rise fires suck ass, and I always hated them. But the very FIRST thing I asked anytime we got one was if we had “any entrapments” - which is what we call anyone who could not self-evacuate for ANY reason. We ain’t leaving you behind. And yes, your friend who doesn’t have the stamina to carry you down can stay with you, too. Because I would never ask that of someone, honestly.
Also, just a little FYI... MOST fire alarms are false alarms. Not to make anyone complacent or anything, but, yeah. Most of them are either system malfunctions, someone accidentally hit a pull station, or someone burned popcorn in a break room. So don’t let a fire alarm freak you out until you need it to - by smelling or seeing smoke or flames.
i have had multiple nightmares about this very thing because NOBODY BOTHERS TO ACTUALLY TELL WHEELCHAIR USERS THIS STUFF
I am loving these additions!
If you're disabled, this is worth the time and focusing energy to read through!!!
Short version:
If disabled and the fire alarm is just happened, you're allowed to take the elevators down but there's a small possibility you could get stuck if the elevators are compromised.
If you can't use the elevators or don't want that risk, go to the stairwell which is reinforced against fire, close the doors, and call 911 to let them know you are in that particular stairwell and can't get down.
Fire will strongly prioritize finding and rescuing people who might be still in the building during any actual structure fire. This is a major component of their job.
Fire people won't arrive in the course of one elevator run and actually half the deal with "don't use elevators" is supposed to be "leave it for people who need it in the emergency" which is both fire AND disabled people.
a fire is my worst nightmare as a disabled person, thank you to everyone who helped put this post together
I can confirm the elevator thing is also true in France, at least my university in Paris but they're respecting the laws (inclusion of disabled people I'm guessing). The fire security service actually has an email you can use to let them know about your disability (temporary or long term, diagnosed or not) ahead of any fire drills or any actual fire. So they'll have a list of people to get to before anything else. (that list is not shared anywhere else and not with hr)
he has a name :(
My cousin Throckmorton died?????
Mel Brooks on taking studio notes:
humiliating to be attracted to a conventionally attractive person. I thought I was a more sensitive and refined pervert than this

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kind of weird how parts of your soul are left in various locations without any warning… like yes i’m always at the top of that hill, sitting at the bus stop, in the cool light of the Japanese restaurant, standing at the pier etc etc
we are never going to be free until it literally doesnt matter whether a person is ugly or not
I don't actually care about football, I just like to watch the downfall of international superstars

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Fun fact: due to the ongoing financial support from the people of tumblr, critically endangered pygmy raccoons being rehabbed in Cozumel are now able to get vaccines for deadly diseases like distemper and rabies before they are released.
The funniest and most enduring legacy of dashcon.
To contribute to the critically endangered pygmy raccoon fund, you can donate:
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rbing this cause it gives me the same satisfaction "She told him that she loved him" (put "only" in front of any word in the sentence to change the meaning) gives me