Keg is aroused

so far "count the rice" is like "what if a game show was actually an escape room, but what if the escape room was actually the inferno and you have to climb your way out of several layers of hell"

Ted Faro be like:

I'm in a little local cafe and the women behind the counter started griping to each other, "Oh Christ, Stephen's back again," "It's him, is it? I thought he'd stopped coming," "It's definitely him, look, it's bloody Stephen on a Thursday morning," "Do you want me to get rid of him or are you going to do it?" and so I was peering outside, trying to spot this nightmare customer, this pestilence of a person, this pox upon the cafe trade, and then one of the women from behind the counter ran outside, clapping two trays together loudly and yelling "GET OUT OF IT, STEPHEN!" and it turns out that Stephen is an absolutely gigantic fuck-off seagull who hangs around outside, menacing people for crumbs

Week days should only be around 4 hours because that's how many I can be at work without wanting to scream, and then weekends should be 145 hours I can fully dedicate to my gazillion hobbies as well as hanging out with friends

im not the same person i was when I pulled that meat out of the freezer this morning. I've changed. i don't have that in me anymore. ive moved on

i saw you at the devils sacrament and liked your vibe but you didn’t see me bc someone added a comment to ur post :(

Love the word "also". I have more things to say

the like and reblog button on your mutuals posts are erogenous zones

why are my checkmarks throbbing