âSo, imagine weâre all born with a set of feelings. Some are broader or deeper than others, but for everyone, thereâs that ground floor, a bottom crust of the pie. Thatâs the maximum depth of feeling youâve ever experienced. And then, the worst thing happens to you. The very worst thing that could have happened. The thing you had nightmares about as a child, and you thought, itâs all right because that thing will happen to me when Iâm older and wiser, and Iâll have felt so many feelings by then that this one worst feeling, this worst possible feeling, wonât seem so terrible.
âBut it happens to you when youâre young. It happens when your brain isnât even fully done cooking â when youâve barely experienced anything, really. The worst thing is one of the first big things that ever happens to you in your life. It happens to you, and it goes all the way down to the bottom of what you know how to feel, and it rips it open and carves out this chasm down below to make room. And because you were so young, and because it was one of the first big things to happen in your life, youâll always carry it inside you. Every time something terrible happens to you from then on, it doesnât just stop at the bottom â it goes all the way down.â
â casey mcquiston, red, white, & royal blue














