Lemon Zest

and i don't necessarily believe any of this i'm just saying words recreationally

ohhhhj the mischevious smiler....

sniles sno sneetly

after a couple hours chopping dried sea urchins into tiny pieces with a razor blade you start referring to the razor blade as yourself in your thoughts. a little while afterwards you'll inevitably think something along the lines of "i'm getting a bit dull, i'm going to have to throw myself out & get myself a new self" at which point your internal monologue has pretty much returned to baseline

This happens with mobility aids too. I bump into shit with my forearm crutches and say "ow" before I realize those are not, in fact, More Legs. Then when I get up and try to walk without them for a second there's a moment of feeling like a dog walking upright

I think there’s a teaboot(?) post about this with a huge security cam system

Yeah I get twitchy when I don't have my eyes

kind of hate my stupid caustic pussy for dissolving my underwear over time but it's kind of cool, like, scientifically

The problem with doing Odyssey adaptations is they already did O Brother Where Art Thou

FYI: brokeback mountain is a short story available to read on the new yorker site and as a PDF (only 20 pages!)

when the blackberry bushes have thorns to discourage mammals from monopolizing the consumption of their fruits and encourage birds to spread their seeds but they don’t know that the mammal in question is ME #notdiscouraged

#ow

#stuck

the idea that every summer will be as hot if not hotter than this for the rest of my life is unbearable i need to (remembers suicide jokes are bad for my mental health) murder an oil executive

this is what an ally looks like

they’re officiating their weddings

forget everything anyone has ever told you on the matter the truest marker of adulthood is starting to hear the siren call of high quality kitchenware

to be clear you SHOULD buy that cast iron pan and you SHOULD buy that knife set and you SHOULD buy that fancy rice cooker and you SHOULD buy that novelty mug. high quality kitchenware is always worth it you’re literally gonna be using that almost every day

Oh HELL yes.

I love watching people take their first sip of mallort. Dat’s the taste of Chicago, babey!!!!