Lain. 30s. She/her. Please do not expect any kind of theme or consistency from my blog because you will be disappointed. I follow the whims of my hyperfixations. Come be my friend!!
Ao3
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it's still monday where I live and so, what if I say it's 2.7k words so far and yet we're still missing the first half AND we've just gotten to buck and tommy seeing each other again after the worst has happened BUT you guys get a big snippet. also title reveal, I decided to call this fic "my reflection is an empty canvas".
Tommy let them go back and excused himself by saying he needed a minute, Miller and O’Neil nodded without a word. Not like they even needed one.
Elbows on his knees, head in his hands, Tommy took a deep breath.
This wasn’t fair, none of it. Nate should’ve gotten a fucking chance to be cared for, to be back with he man who had made him so happy all those years ago. This shouldn’t have happened to him, he shouldn’t have died, not after everything he told them. Not after they got another chance and actually used it.
And now they were going to have to tell Andy what happened.
Fuck.
Tommy wondered whether Andy told Evan anything about their story, and how much of himself he revealed. If he was anything like Nate had told them, then Andy wasn’t the type of person to just share his entire backstory to a complete stranger unless said stranger was either blackmailing him or very persuasive.
Evan was very persuasive.
Shit, Evan.
Tommy pulled out his phone, going straight to his text thread with Evan. Staring at his phone for a minute, he tried to bring himself to think of just one thing to send. Just one opening, one message to let Evan know, that was it.
He groaned. Nothing, he had nothing.
More like, nothing seemed right. “Hi” or “Hello” felt too informal for what he wanted to tell him, “We need to talk” was too fucking ominous and would worry Evan more, “Something happened. Please call me” was better but not quite right, “Hey, I know we haven’t talked in a while, but are—” nope, backtracking that one. Fuck, why was it always so hard to try and just talk to him?
“Hey Evan, you okay? Not sure if you shift’s ended but give me a call when you’re free. Need to tell you something, work related.” Okay, that wasn’t bad, he could send that.
Minutes went by and he still wasn’t letting himself send the stupid message. At this point Tommy thought it was better to just drive to the 118 and tell Evan right there.
Okay, that wasn’t such a bad idea. A little crazy but, not bad. He sighed, realizing it was time for him to finally leave the chopper.
Whatever, it wasn’t like he was going to be hanging there for much longer.
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I have seen a young lady with her table loaded with volumes loaded of fictitious trash, poring day after day and night after night over highly wrought scenes and skillfully portrayed pictures of romance, until her cheeks grew pale, her eyes became wild and reckless, and her mind wandered and was lost — the light of intelligence passed behind a cloud, and her soul was forever benighted. She was insane, incurably insane from reading novels.
-- an anonymous pastor in 1864, on the greatest threat to young women
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soooooo not that you asked for this at all and sorry if this is too weird just tell me and i'll shut up but
i'm still thinking about bucktommy somno you brought up yesterday and it's making me think also like - buck who looks at Tommy and sometimes still just thinking - fuck, he's just so cool - he's way too cool to be with Buck - and liking that squirmy feeling he gets when Tommy kind of ignores him (just a little! when he's actively busy or too tired! Buck totally gets it and approves he knows he's too needy!) or teases at ignoring him so he can finish something he's doing (and he gives him all the attention later when he's free so he knows he doesn't mean it. not in a bad way).
Tommy kind of baffled and then getting off on the way Buck is insatiable for him even when he's being a little bit of an asshole - maybe even especially then (fuck, Tommy is dead certain he does not deserve this much adoration, it makes it even hotter the way he doesn't deserve it and Evan does it anyway, fuck he should feel guilty but he can't the way Evan is getting so flushed and desperate-).
Stumbling their way into an ignoring kink when they both start chasing those darkly delicious feelings, Tommy reading his book in bed ignoring Buck completely while Buck gets himself off just humping his hip or whatever.
Stumbling their way right into somnophilia when Tommy's already taken his sleeping pills and he's yawning and then deliberately turns away to go to sleep even with Evan's dick in his ass. The hot dark satisfaction he gets when Evan whimpers and begs to be allowed to finish and Tommy pretends to be like "Oh, were you trying to fuck me? I hadn't noticed," and then doesn't answer either way and actually just falls asleep.
And when he wakes up in the morning and feels leftover bits of cum that definitely feels like it had to be more than one load, he's so incredibly turned on by it he's about to explode. He rolls over and is all "Sorry sweetheart I guess I was tired last night, didn't mean to leave you unsatisfied" and Buck is losing his mind because he's ALMOST sure Tommy's pretending he doesn't know he definitely fucked him at least twice while he was asleep. But only ALMOST. And now Tommy's climbing into his lap to ride him as an "apology" and he's going to die this is how he dies.
trill :) i love this i love YOU :) im putting my response under a cut so as to not take over everyone's dash BUT :) i perhaps have a snippet from a wip under here who's to say
ok wow omg i am so deeply into ignoring kink ive been rotating a bucktommy ignoring kink fic for AGES now (ellipsus says i made my doc for it feb 26th, how is this still a wip) so this? right up my alley.
"Oh, were you trying to fuck me? I hadn't noticed" <- this made me go actually insane i was in public when i read this the first time and im sure my face turned so fucking red :) also like. im drooling at the thought of tommy knowing he was used all night and buck might even be practically drained dry !! but tommy's still riding him :) what a good boyfriend :)
INTERESTINGLY ENOUGH i saw buck as the one who liked to do the ignoring (something in the love me anyway of it all?) and tommy being into being ignored (something in the needing to do things for other people even without thanks?)
my idea for a fic was a 3+1 of the escalation of the ignoring kink also into somno!! something like 3 times tommy took care of buck in bed and one time buck took care of himself? starting with the first time they have sex they frot and tommy says something like "let me take care of you" -> half asleep sex where tommy probably blows buck because "you're so hard baby let me take care of that" and then buck rolls over and falls back asleep without giving tommy a hand -> the straight up ignoring kink scene i have a snippet of below -> somno with tommy waking up halfway through/only once buck's finished and buck says something like "you said you'd take care of me and you did, thank you tommy/daddy"
augh :) there is just so much meat on the bucktommy bone!! anywaaaay here's a snippet:
"Huh, did you know that the dogface butterfly is California's state insect?" Tommy's response is muffled, what with his tongue being in Evan's ass. "I thought it would be the monarch or something," Evan says absently. He hums and keeps scrolling on his phone.
Tommy groans, pulling his tongue out of Evan's hole, pressing one last kiss onto his rim. "Please, baby, can I fuck you?" Tommy begs, cock twitching, as he digs through the bedsheets for the lube.
"Hmm?" Evan finally looks up from his phone to frown down at Tommy between his legs. "Oh, sure. If you have to," he shrugs. He looks back at his phone when he asks, "You're good if I keep reading, right?"
"Yeah, baby. I'll try not to bother you," Tommy offers, slicking a finger and pressing it into Evan, watching his face for any response. He gets none.
---
"Mhm, that was fast. I was just reading that Ashwagandha can help you last longer, if you need it." Evan doesn't look up from his phone. "Are you gonna clean me up or what?"
Tommy groans, pulling out slowly. He watches Evan's hole clench around nothing until Evan clears his throat. With a huff, Tommy shuffles back and leans down on his elbows to start lapping at the come dripping out of Evan.
got a crick in my neck and a frog in my throat and a chip on my shoulder and a stick up my ass and now you're gonna stand there puttin words in my mouth? haven't I been through enough?
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