Just Me

like, as a treat, could we have an au where jason gets adopted but has a very antagonistic relationship with dick, to the point where dick outright yells at jason that he hates him and hates having brothers, and so out of spite and wanting to piss dick off jason just keeps. bringing back more brothers to get on dick's nerves.

they get into a screaming match about how much dick never wanted a younger sibling and the next day jason runs to the nearest house and convinces the first kid he finds there to join the family specifically so tim can sit across from dick at the dinner table that night and jason can give him the most spiteful/falsely innocent smile possible when bruce announces that as tim's parents are out of gotham for the rest of the year he'll be the kid's acting guardian, and dick just has to watch him and bite his tongue.

talia literally never planned for damian to be sent to live with his father so early in life, it's just that jason walked out the compound on his way back home, remembered the tradition, did a 180, and then grabbed damian so that he could force dick to deal with yet another younger brother. dick is literally so stressed out.

listen. dick was pissed when tim showed up, but by the time jason comes back with damian it's less anger and more just genuine stress. like. he knows bruce's capabilities. he knows that younger ones tend to look up to nightwing more than anyone else in the community. he knows that any child that 'bruce' takes in is just going to be another kid for him to worry about and care too much for and look out for, not even because bruce isn't doing moderately well as a parent but just because there's something about older brother figures that seem more approachable than an adoptive father.

and jason fucking knows it.

they're in an eternal battle of jason encouraging bruce's adoption addiction and dick desperately trying to stop jason from bringing any more children anywhere near the manor for his own mental healths sake.

it gets to the point where dick will call jason a fatass over the phone while jason's walking down the street, and jason will instantly hang up the phone, turn on his heel towards the nearest school, and just start yelling over the fence 'ANY OF YOU GUYS NOT GOT PARENTS?'

duke was just trying to eat lunch but this random man started calling over and when duke put his hand up the man asked if he wanted a new family with a free inheritance included, and like, normally duke wouldn't touch that kind of weird shit with a ten foot pole, but he did recently figure out he has a bunch of insanely cool meta-human abilities so really what were the chances this guy could actually hurt him? 2% chance it actually works out, 98% chance he gets a cool story; no downsides. he's in.

steph got adopted literally because while tim and jason were hanging out in jason's room, dick went in to ask a question and didn't shut jason's door on the way out. the second he left jason turned to him and demanded 'don't you have a friend whose dad is a rogue? get that woman over here right now.'

i think maybe cass just showed up in jason's apartment one day, because she remembered him from when jason worked with david cain a few times in the league of assassins and when she ran away from him she decided jason was the most trustworthy person to go to for refuge, and i think jason probably had to bite his cheek awkwardly at her just like 'ok listen i'm gonna help you and usually i would take you right over to batman to sort all of this out, but i kinda have a system i need to uphold here, so you might have to hide out in here until my older brother pisses me off, if you're alright with that. we have a game night tomorrow planned and we're gonna play monopoly so like, i guarantee you won't have to wait very long'.

just the idea that jason has been pulling away, he cant find a reason to keep trying with these people, person after person, kid after kid, name after name gone. ages ranging far too low to keep playing this game of cat and mouse, to keep pretending that he will ever be happy with these people.

he's been selfish, so so SO fucking selfish and hasn't been worth a fuck.

the bats notice, they see jason willing to hit harder, that he pulls back later and later and later, how he doesn't even bother yelling amymore, he says his piece and shuts down -- no amount of poking, prodding, and berating is getting him to engage

and so they gamble

it's a big one, but they're desperate.

they've got jason in the cave, another night of close calls, another night of the tension ratcheting up in all their shoulders, they know what he wants to do, and jason knows what he SHOULD do, but they press on

and in a desperate bid, they tell jason dick killed the joker, a hail mary if jason's ever heard one, and the fucked up part is, he believes it, he believes it 100%, but he knows there's more to this story and the GUILT on dick's face disgusts him.

his stomach rolls with it, it's almost as bad as how he felt when shelia looked at him, mid puff, mid crowbar, mid bone shatter.

the regret, the guilt, the fucking cowardice

jason remembers heaving when he looked at her, blood and bile mixing in ways no child should ever taste.

he wants to now

at least there's no blood

instead, he demands the footage, placates them with removing his guns from their holsters, knives clatter on the table and taking off the mask, they wanna catalog his disgust and disappointment that's on them

and he watches how the joker taunts dick about him, how the idea of tim being dead was enough of a straw to break the camels back, how dick's already folding under the pressure, how bruce takes one look at his golden boy and moves to fix it

tim matters to dick

dick matters to bruce

and jason matters to no one

dick cant watch the footage, he knows what he did, he sees it flash behind his eyes plenty, he just watches jason, and they're being shut out -- jason's face is blank, carefully, there's nothing they expected to see, no tears, no joy, no satisfaction-- there's nothing

dick feels his tongue fumble for words, "i. . . couldn't stand him talking about you like that"

and jason snorts, "ah okah so we're pretending you didnt think tim was dead, got it," he rolls his shoulders and starts walking back to his weapons

tim cant help but cut in, as if what he has to say will make a difference, "he gave you what you wanted, what more do you need"

jason continues to check his weapons over, sliding knives back into place, "what i wanted was a dead joker, what i wanted was a family that valued me more than that sack of flesh, instead, ive got three cowsrds staring back at me wondering if they got an A for effort."

jason's hands are steady, relaxed even, his mask sits in his hands and he briefly flicks his eyes down, it's kight and somehow painfully heavy, from the color, to the title, to the power -- it's defined his life for the last decade and realizes. . .

these people were never worth it.

50 dead 32 of them under the age of 18, all people he could have helped, could have kept ALIVE if he wasnt so busy tearing scabs open and bleeding at the feet of people that cant even BEGIN to understand what loyalty means

it's them or the city

them or the people

them or his people

Don Falcone: I dreamed of this day.

Selina:?

Don Falcone: You're a nice surprise and all kid. Can never have too many kids in a family and daughters, they're precious, ain't they? No, I'm talking about Bruce Wayne.

Selina: You're going to have to run that one by me.

Don Falcone: You two are already a thing. I mean, no pressure but he's a catch, you're a Falcone and... I always wanted to make sure that boy was taken care of. I wanted to make him family and we can do that now.

Selina: We?

Don Falcone: Well, you're my last chance, kid. Sofia doesn't like him or whatever and Alberto... He may be a little off to the side.

Alberto: Homosexual, dad.

Don Falcone: Yeah, yeah, that but Bruce likes the guys too so I tried to set that up but apparently they're both... Y'know. They play the same position on the field.

Alberto: *rolling his eyes*

Selina: And you want me to-?

Don Falcone, nodding: Yes, big big Italian wedding. We can do Lake Como. We will spare no expense. For every grandson, fifteen thousand, every granddaughter, ten or abouts. What do you say, gioia mia?

i want it to be like fucking. Forrest Gump levels of insane connections. there's an old news report about some kind of incident like an attempted attack during a winter Olympics game held in Beijing years ago, and Damian will casually walk by like 'oh yes, i remember that game. Todd made me take a photo holding the torch after he stopped the attackers.' and then everybody has to just stare while he walks off. he's spotted briefly in the background of a nature documentary when a specialist visits a tribe in the amazon rainforest, and Tim watching it genuinely thinks he's going schizophrenic until he shows Damian and the kid casually goes 'yeah Todd trained with the leader of their tribe, so we were there for about nine weeks. i have a box of old polaroid's taken during the stay if you wish to see them?'. Tim is losing his mind. Bruce finds an old photo of toddler-Damian in the Fortress of Solitude playing with Krypto and he's about to go into cardiac arrest about Clark lying to him until Damian tells him 'yes, Jason worked alongside Kara as the Red Hood on multiple occasions, and she always had us meet her in the Fortress of Solitude when Superman was out.'

*faint shuffling noises*

Damian: ...like this?

Faint male voice: you gotta flick your wrist a little more,

Damian: oh- like that?

Faint male voice: there you go,

*connecting ping*

Tim: yo, Robin, you on your own tonight? i'm bored, come get waffles with me.

Damian: uh- sure, can Clarance come?

Tim: if that's the name of another mutant animal you're trying to tame, no.

Damian: no, the magician. say hi to Red Robin, Clarance.

Faint male voice: oh- uh, *awkward throat clear* um, hi, Red Robin.

Tim: wait wait wait- are you with that stage magician Hood has a vendetta against? the one he thinks is a meta because he can't figure out how he does his card tricks?

Damian: yeah. Hood has dragged him into our shit so much we've gotten to know each other.

*silence*

Tim: so you guys just... hang out? the two of you?

Damian: he's a decent guy when you get to know him. he volunteers at one of the animal shelters in the Narrows.

Tim: you've made friends with a civilian that Hood calls his 'greatest enemy'?

Damian, tired: Hood has about twelve civilian 'greatest enemies'. Clarance is fine, Hood just can't stand the fact that he has honour and wont snitch on how he does his tricks.

Faint male voice: yeah- i really don't understand why he keeps buying tickets to my shows if he knows he doesn't like the magic. like, that's the whole point...

Damian, without missing a beat: his version of self harm.

Tim: *abrupt snort*

Faint male voice: well he keeps tying me up and talking about needing to 'register me' with some sort of bat-laptop or something. maybe if you just register me like he says, then he'll feel better about me?

Tim, amused: oh my god, no, why is this man actually really sweet?

Damian: no, Clarance, Hood makes that up. we don't 'register' metas unless they're active rogues terrorising the city on a monthly basis. he just likes to spout bullshit when he's annoyed.

Faint male voice: oh...

Damian: worry not, he will get over himself in a few months when somebody else pisses him off and he makes enemies with them. for now, would you like to join me and Red Robin for waffles?

Faint male voice: uh... i mean, if Red Robin is ok with it then i guess i am kinda hungry?

Tim: i'll meet you at the usual place. the fuck do you guys even do when you hang out together?

Damian: oh, i'm making him teach me his card tricks so i can use them on Hood whenever he pisses me off.

*silence*

Tim, choking up: god- man, Robin, i fucking love you.

Look, taako might not be good with the words, but you know, i think ango gets that Mr From Tee-vee shows love in other ways, if he cooks for you, you probably have a bit of his heart.  Angus just also wants it in writing 💜

As they shooed a herd of giraffes into a nearby bathroom, workers told reporters Friday that they were frantically scrambling to hide all of the San Diego Zoo’s animals ahead of a visit from the landlord. “He texted an hour ago saying he was dropping in to check the garbage disposal, so we’ve been running around cleaning up evidence of the 12,000 rare and endangered animals we’ve got living here,” senior zookeeper Allison Weepie said while lighting a scented candle to cover the stench of snakes, Gila monsters, and tortoises in the reptile exhibit.

-

*Damian, out of nowhere on patrol one night*

Damian: you know.., there was a solid 2 year period at the league compound where i thought you were Batman.

Jason:

Jason: what?

Damian: yeah- ‘cause like, i was seven. and i met you for the first time after you came out the pit and were all big already. and i didn’t know anything about my father apart from, like, what my mother told me of him, right? and so when i met you, and i never actually heard anybody call you your name—just Mother referring to you as ‘one of Gotham’s greatest heroes’ and everybody calling you ‘prince’, in my little seven-year-old head, i was like ‘ok so this must be him then’.

Jason: what the fuck.

Damian: well you looked a lot like him. i’d only ever seen one grainy photo of the man taken from a distance and you fit the description; same build, hair, eyes, broody manner and passion for justice. you were everything i’d ever thought Batman was supposed to be, so when Mother started giving you special treatment and demanding you be treated like somebody important within the league, i thought that was just her lingering affection for an ex.

Jason:

Jason: is that why you made me teach you how to ride a bike?

Damian: yeah i was trying to make up for lost time.

Damian: i don’t know how you didn’t pick up on it—i called you Father like, religiously.

Jason: …to be honest i just wasn’t fluent in Arabic yet. when i finally did figure out that’s what you were saying i just assumed you were making a dig at the fact that i slept with Talia that one time.

Damian: yeah that was- can i be honest with you? i set that up.

Jason:

Jason: what.

Damian: originally Mother wasn’t going to meet with you in person that night, she was going to send a messenger in place, but i snuck into her chambers and edited her schedule so she’d be in the area anyway and would go see you herself.

Jason:

Damian: then i ordered food for where you were saying online in the hopes that you'd chat and realise you still loved each other.

Jason: that’s where those oysters came from-!

Damian: yeah i didn’t- i didn’t actually realise how problematic you and her being together was until after i came to Gotham. i was just trying to have a parent-trap moment and get my mom and dad back together, you know? i didn’t know you were seventeen, i just thought the Lazarus Pit had made you look more youthful than before.

Jason:

Jason, dryly: because famously, as you can tell by looking at Ra’s, that’s what the Lazarus Pit does.

Damian: listen i was eight.

Damian: -and i didn’t force you guys to do anything—this is still on my Mother for going with it; and for bad communication. if she had at any point spoken to me clearly about my father then that misunderstanding wouldn’t have ever happened.

Jason: so… when did you figure out I wasn’t Bruce Wayne…?

Damian:

Damian: well… it was complicated?

Jason: which means?

Damian: it means at first Mother told me i was just going to Gotham with you, which made me think, like, ‘yay, i get to go home with Dad’ right? and then we got to Gotham and saw Batman and Robin out and you started getting mad at a ‘replacement’, and i thought you were mad because your Robin replaced you with a new Batman.

Jason, incredulous: oh my god.

Damian: -yeah, but then we had that whole confrontation with them during patrol where you told Batman i was his son and that Talia Al Ghul wanted you to put me in his care, and i was just standing behind you like… what fucking game are you playing here Father?

Jason: *snort* you didn’t- that didn’t fucking tip you off?

Damian: no! i was like 2 years deep into this belief at this point, nothing was gonna shake me. i came to the conclusion that you were sending me in as a spy or something, so i went along with it. we got back to Wayne Manor and Pennyworth greeted Batman by saying ‘welcome back, Master Bruce’ and i got really mad at Tim because i was like ‘oh so not only did he replace Batman but he did it with the first fat fuck he found with the same first name, huh.’

Jason: *wheeze*

Damian: so i didn’t really try to kill Tim because i wanted Robin; i was doing it for your, the original Batman’s, honour.

Jason: oh my god????

Damian: ...yeah. i didn't- ok, honestly? i didn't really clock that you weren't the original Batman until after you unmasked yourself in front of everyone for the first time.

Jason: -EXCUSE ME-?

Damian: because- BECAUSE, in the league everybody just called you by 'prince' or 'the Gotham boy', and then in Gotham nobody knew your identity so everybody just called you Red Hood. it wasn't until you revealed your identity to the family and everybody started crying about some 'Jason Todd' that was still alive that i came to the realisation that nobody had ever point blank told me your name was Bruce Wayne.

Jason, in awe: wait- wait oh my god i do remember you being really fucking quiet during that whole reveal..,

Damian: yeah i was- i was coming to terms with a lot of stuff in that moment.

Jason: WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY ANYTHING?!

Damian: what am i, stupid? looking back a year or so later, yeah it's a funny memory of how stupid i was as a kid. in the moment? you couldn't have fucking waterboarded that info out of me.

Jason:

Jason: you know. it does kinda- oh my god it makes so much sense now,

Damian: what does?

Jason: Tim told me the first time they let you in the Batcave he watched you walk up to my memorial case, read the plaque, and then loudly go, 'who the fuck is Jason Todd'. and i always thought that was real fuckin' weird considering i'm your emergency contact.

Damian: *wheezes*

Jason: were you disappointed that the fake-Bruce was your actual dad, then?

Damian: honestly i was more troubled at the realisation that i'd actively participated in the action of trying to get my mother and adoptive brother to bang.

Jason:

Jason: