who?what?asked.

Tim: high as a kite Heyyyyyy Jayyyyyyyy hehe that rhymed Jason: under his breath I just want some case files Jason: Please don't ask- Tim: Do you want some weeeeddddd? Some Mary Janeeeee? Jason: exasperated No, not really Tim: spinning on an office chair huh. I'd have pegged you for the guy who smokes out of a bong every Tuesday Jason: Tim, I don't smoke weed anymore Tim: 'anymore' implies that you used too Jason: sighing ok so, do you remember titans tower? Tim: kinda? Jason: I was high the entire time Tim: ...excuse me Jason: munching on gummies Look, I told you it was because of the glowing green rage Tim: pauses spinning I THOUGHT YOU MEANT THE LAZARUS PITS. Tim: incredulous THAT ENTIRE SHITSHOW WAS BECAUSE OF WEED? Jason: defensive I thought I just needed something to energize myself, you know, a pick me up? Crime Lord-ing is a lotta work Tim: deadpan stare ...anyway Tim: continues spinning Well, actually, in hindsight it makes sense Tim: That outfit you had on- Tim: wheezes sorry the mental image just got stuck in my brain Tim: just spinning and laughing I- I- pffffff Jason: unamused you done? Tim: There's no way you'd put that thing on sober Jason: pops another one in his mouth I stitched that thing using a 30 year old Singer sewing machine from the back of an abandoned closet and 3 BOGO coupons from JoAnn's Jason: RIP JoAnn's btw, the cashier gave me some free sewing patterns Tim: giggling does weed make you angwwyyy, awwww you probably had the munchies Tim: It's okay, maybe your second attempt would be an improvement Jason: shut up Tim Tim: whiny Come onnn, what's the worst that can happen? Jason: Look, I really don't think that's a good idea Tim: So, uh, Jason? Jason: yes? Tim: solemn Those gummies... Jason: Tim: Jason: Tim no

Poison Ivy: You can't put me in Arkham, Batman Batman: Why not? Poison Ivy: cause it's pride month Batman: so? Poison Ivy: I'm a lesbian Batman: ...so? Poison Ivy: If u put me into Arkham Poison Ivy: that's homophobic Poison Ivy: and I'll tell everyone that Batman hates lesbians Batman: please don't Batman: sigh Batman: Happy pride month Batman: go do gay shit

(I'm bsing this entire thing btw, fuck if I know about parent teacher meetings) Damian: Dick, Tim, Bruce and Alfred are unable to attend, therefore, I believe I should be exempt from this inane activity. Teacher: Unfortunately we cannot cancel this due to the legal requirements required by the state. Teacher: Do you have another relative you could call...? Damian: ...Well there is one...I'm not sure if he would be particularly pleased with it Teacher: At least attempt contacting him Teacher: weary please. Damian: If i must Jason Todd walks in Damian: sigh before you yell- Teacher: IS THAT JASON TODD?????????????? Jason: sheepish hi. Teacher: omg Jason my sweet baby angel- Damian: He's 6 feet 2 inches and built like a tank Teacher: rambling How are you? I've missed you so much. I'm so glad you came back. You don't understand how hard it is to converse with someone in the Wayne family who isn't Alfred. Jason you need to come to every parent teacher meeting I beg you. Jason: Thanks. I'm not sure about every one but I'll be sure to attend whenever I can Teacher: Anything, anything is fine Teacher: Giddy I should give you a tour of the campus, we made updates to the library Damian: Hello? um. parent teacher meeting, yk? about me? Teacher: yes yes later Teacher: Jason, let me show you Jason: Lead the way Damian: texting Duke what the fuck. Damian: She called Jason a 'sweet baby angel' Duke: the crime lord Jason Todd? Damian: yes. Duke: decapitated 8 bodies and put their heads in a duffle bag, Jason Todd? Damian: the one and only Duke: what the fuck.

Tim: hey Dick, are those lifts? Dick: SHUT UP AND DIE KILL YOURSELF I HATE YOU Tim: calm down holy shit- Jason: he's just salty he's the shortest. Here watch Jason: HEY DICK, DRINK SOME MILK Dick: HEY JASON, HERE'S A CROWBAR Jason: Isn't he just the sweetest?

Jason "Did you just quote Pretty Woman at me?" Todd has a Letterboxd account and it's a mix of one liners and dissertation reviews.

Bruce: Boys, mind giving me a rundown of what happened on patrol? Dick: Ten people died last night in Bristol due to a fire that killed ten people in Bristol last night during a fire Tim: Fire officials say that all ten people died due to the fire, which was too hot for their bodies Bruce: get the fuck out of my cave

Jason: Wait are you.. are you a Talon? Talon: SKAWK Jason: ok first of all ew Jason: second of all, I thought that B and Wing took care of this like years ago Jason: Do I actually have to like do something about this? Jason: damn I guess I do Jason: texting hey random goon one random goon one: what Jason: can you handle crime lord stuff for a week random goon one: sure Jason: cool, that should be enough time to dismantle the Court. AGAIN Jason: Well, since that's set now Jason: CATCH THESE HANDS YOU STUPID OWL ----- Lonnie: AND NOW I WILL BE BLOWING UP- Dick: Hey aren't you Tim's weird pseudosexual villain but not situationship Lonnie: ...what Dick: Wait so like can u go nag him now or...? Lonnie: no, I'm fighting you Dick: Wait we can do that? Lonnie: do what? Dick: Like switcharoos with villains Lonnie: indignant excuse me- Dick: I mean I guess jason did fight the remnants of the Court of Owls which was technically mine but... Dick: I mean it's weird but c'est la vie i guess Dick: noW SQUARE UP GAY BOY Lonnie: what. ----- Tim: Hey, what are you doing here? Untitled: Humans, dead now Tim: ok but why here? Untitled: because I want to? Tim: No but aren't u supposed to be harassing Jason? Untitled: I have the autonomy to move. I'm not physically confined to one space Tim: But... aren't you Jason's problem? Untitled: agitated There's no string bonding us together that forces me to fight him every time Tim: I mean sure man, I guess we all need a little variety Tim: I don't have soul swords though Tim: Welp Tim: WE ARE THROWING HANDS YOU EVIL ENTITY THING

Jason: I'm not even safe in my haven am I? Jason: You'll always reach me Jason: Costco, even at Costco Steph: YUP Steph: You know what, you give off major Costco vibes, you seem so in tune with this place Jason: Maybe it's because it's like a second home to me Jason: And you know one thing about my homes? Jason: no bat policy Steph: Well, right now I am Stephanie Brown Steph: Not a bat. Jason: whatever Jason: go away Steph: nope, i'm curious. What are you doing? Jason: what does it look like i'm doing Jason: Do you want a vlog? Steph: WAIT YES THAT'S SUCH A GOOD IDEA YOU SHOULD HAVE THE AESTHETIC INTRO AND EVERYTHING Steph: "what's in my costco cart!!!!" Steph: ugh yes you'd be famous in minutes Jason: ok so you're delusional or high or both really Steph: mmm not right now, you'll know when I'm high Jason: Yup, we'd need to evacuate Gotham. Steph: whatever Costco boy Jason: god forbid I want some free samples damn

Tim: Well it's not my fault you went all looney toons- Jason: IT'S LITERALLY NOT CAUSE OF THE PIT THOUGH Tim: ...so you were just born like that? Jason: wait, but like why do you guys always blame the pit? Tim: Cause it tracks, you being in the pit and then yk crime lord Jason: But half of us have already took a dip in the monster dew pool, so why am I always targeted? Kate: ok so I'm not some DQ cone Cass: nothing happened to me long term Jason: All I'm hearing is that you're salty about being bo-ring. I made an impact Kate: Whatever makes you feel better. Tim: you're so right Cass: huh? Kate: what? Jason: about? Tim: Everyone's been in it or like around it at some point Tim: no cause it's basically our summer vacation beach house at this point, I mean even Bruce got dunked in there once or twice Jason: summer vacation what- Kate: I'm sorry, beach house? Cass: I see the vision Tim: You get me

Jason: if it ain't broke don't fix it

Jason: You should be grateful I didn't make you use archaic language like 'thee', 'dost' and 'hath' Damian: WELL ARE YOU HAPPY NOW? Jason: No, I'm euphoric

The writers knew he'd be too powerful with his sword and boomerang

on the dining room table, Jason has his math homework out while Bruce frantically scribbles on graphing paper Bruce: I DON'T I DON'T UNDERSTAND Bruce: DID THEY CHANGE LOGS? Jason: I can assure you they didn't Bruce: This makes no sense Jason: Dad, I think this is 'the time' Bruce: What does that mean? Jason: There's a point in a parent's life where they are essentially, well, useless to their child's education due to their insufficient knowledge in higher level subjects Bruce: Are you calling me dumb? Jason: No, I'm calling you insufficient Jason: I'm just saying after like Geometry, I don't think you actually help me with homework anymore or like anything school-related Bruce: No, No I am literally Batman. Bruce: There's no way I'm letting Algebra 2 defeat me Jason: I mean sure you're Batman but I think these logarithms may be your kryptonite Bruce: Ok, you know what, let's switch gears, show me your biology assignment Jason: Are you sure? Bruce: How hard can it be, it's just cells and stuff Jason: right Bruce: What the fuck is the Krebs cycle Jason: I don't know, you're the one who said 'cells and stuff' Bruce: Well how would I know they changed biology Jason: Again, they didn't change biology Bruce: No, I'm calling your principal, they can't just change math and science they just can't. Jason: about to slam his head on the table Jason: Look, you don't have to do that (I really don't wanna see how that plays out). I can just ask Dick Bruce: NO I CAN DO IT. I LITERALLY TUTORED HIM Jason: exasperated sigh Jason: How are you the same person that synthesizes an antidote to fear toxin in like 20 minutes Bruce: cause thaT'S EASY. THIS IS BULLSHIT Jason: Mind you, 15 year olds are doing this Bruce: WELL SORRY I'M NOT SOME CHILD PRODIGY Jason: no. you're Batman Alfred: comes in with a refill of coffee for bruce and tea for Jason Alfred: Master Jason, I would personally advise you not to seek counsel from Master Bruce in the subject of biology. Alfred: He doesn't have the... how shall I put this?....affinity for it, unlike his father Alfred: Bruce did drop out of medical school, what a shame, so much potential Jason: PSSSHHHFFFF Bruce: WHA- ALF-

9AM at Wayne Manor Kitchen Jason: sitting on the breakfast table, battered and bruised Jason: Shit sorry for ghosting you guys. I was in Hell, (the internet there is horrible btw), for a bit with Constantine and ugh these stupid swords sucked my soul, literally Dick: making a bowl of cereal No problemo I just came back from the Marvel Universe Jason: Like the comics or the movies? Dick: Comics, the X-men specifically Jason: Nice Dick: Yup, met Wolverine and made out with him! Jason: Cool. With tongue? Dick: What else does made out mean dumbass Jason: Shouldn't have asked, of course you'd know, slut Dick: Whatever, incel Jason: hey- bickering in the background Dick, fending off Jason: What's up with you Tim? Tim: takes a sip of coffee, On the Samsung refrigerator (split screen duh), watching Kon, Cassie and Bart in space fighting multiple alien armies and on the other screen, watching LoA bases getting blown up Tim: Nothing much surprisingly, just fighting with the LoA for the umpteenth time. But really my priority is trying to manhandle YG from destroying the Andromeda galaxy. Jason: rolls his eyes before muttering As one does Damian: Playing roblox Babs is in prison btw. Dick: Again? Jason: Which one? Damian: The one in Siberia, you know? The high security lockdown one that is guarded by the Justice League Tim: So she'll be back by Saturday Damian: Mhm Dick: slurps the rest of the milk from his cereal and wipes his face with his sleeve Dick: Where's Cass? Tim: She and Duke are in the midst of an undercover mission- Tim: groans No, Kon flank, please we've went over this Tim: -involving an underground fighting club across South America Dick: like Fight Club Tim: Um, I wouldn't put it like tha- Dick: so Fight Club Damian: Damn I wish I could do something cool like that. Jon and I fought some weird hybrid of Godzilla and Optimus Prime made by Lex in the great state of New fucking Hampshire Jason: Should've let it run rampant Tim: Who even cares about New Hampshire Damian: That's what I said to Jon, but nooooo, we gotta 'save everyone' even people from New Hampshire Dick: eugh Steph: Entering from the window above the sink Well guess what guys, I had to fight Condiment King, during National Ketchup Day 33 times. I even broke the time loop without actually destroying the trigger Dick: Oof Jason: Sucks Tim: Literally how? Steph: Blew up Heinz factories Tim: Damn Damian: Thoughts and prayers to your suit Steph: Alfred is going to maim me Crashes in through the window covered with pink glitter Bruce: I'm so done. Dick: Bruce? Bruce: Just. Just no. I need alcohol. Slams in through roof Dick: Hey Duke, how was Fight Club? Damian: Wait where's Cass? Duke: 3 Duke: 2 Duke: 1 Comes from underground like a mole Steph: squealing There she is! Tim: monotone with jazz hands Family reunion yippee alarm for an Arkham Breakout blasts throughout the kitchen Jason: fantastic.

jason todd has major mommy issues. Even his daddy issues have mommy issues.

The only question is whether he would do it as Tim Drake or Red Robin.