Do You Love Me Now?

needs to take a step back and ask the hard questions to evaluate who you are vs. who you want to be, what you want from life and fame and making art. And why thus far you’re feeling empty, and what changes need to happen as a result.

It’s hard to tell when the thoughts are my own / and the old hat gets harder to hold

I’m losing my sense of self because my identity has been tied externally to who I am to my audience, the media, the world, and after a while I don’t know if “the thoughts” I’m having about myself are genuine, or just an echo of who everyone else is telling me I am. Also note the “my” here—referring to how his public persona is invading his private sense of self

“The old hat” is a ref to the English idiom ‘wearing many hats’ which means a person is taking on a lot of roles or duties simultaneously. In this context, the “old hat” is his role as Harry Styles The Popstar (separated from Harry the regular human), aka the branded version of himself that he’s having harder and harder time maintaining.

Chorus:

Holding—holding out. Hoping you will love me now.

“Holding out” in this context means not accepting a current circumstances in the hopes of securing something better. (If I’m “holding out” in a game of poker for example, I’m refusing to fold because I’m hoping for winning hand).

Within S2? He’s refusing to bend his behaviors and branded identity towards what it’s always been & what he knows would go over well, because he’s hoping that his fans will still love him without the bells and whistles. That if he shows up as his changed but authentic self, you’ll love him now the as you did when he was in a dress on Vogue or had painted nails.

Do you love me now? Do you? Do I let you down?

I adore the heavy undercurrent of anxiety that seeps through this line. He’s holding out….but he is not confident that he’ll be proven right.

He’s questioning, to reiterate: if I come back changed for me, will I let you down? But on another level, he’s also asking himself: if I change back just to keep the masses happy, will I let myself down? & would that be worth it for their love?

Holding—holding out. Hoping love will come around.

“Hoping love will come around” …..on the initial release, I took this as a pretty straightforward “I hope the answer to all of this is yes I still love you, no you don’t let me down.” But watching the fandom reaction unfold in the way it has….

I wonder if he knew the backlash to his change would be inevitable, in some ways? And the “hoping love will come around” is less ‘I hope you’re willing to love me immediately and not feel let down at all’ and more of a ‘I hope that once the dust settles and you’ve got the inevitable disappointment out of the way, you (and by extension your love) will start to come around again to this current iteration of me as you witness it more and more.” Because “come around” has this connotation of people eventually getting on board that’s quite different than if he were to say “hoping you still love me now.” Hm.

….and if it’s the second reading, we’re watching this happen in real time as he performs more and more on tour, which is insane.

Verse 2:

It’s kind of sad but there’s something I know: too many things for you to analyze

In a self-reflection sense: too much has changed, it’s a sad fact of life, there’s too much for me to unpack about it.

In an audience reflection sense: I realize this is a sad fact of my life, that coming back means I’m about to be put under a microscope and compared to my former self. And there’s too much there for you to find, to analyze.

You’re steaming in, swinging with your eyes closed

Steaming in -> you’re coming in hot, impulsive, and emotional

Swinging with your eyes closed -> you’re lashing out, taking swings blindly without seeing who or what you might hit. Reminiscent of “this world is screaming so you start to scream right back” in AYLY.

I’ve always seen these lines as his self-reflection & his state of mind he’s unpacking, but writing it out as I am….I also think there’s a case for audience commentary, and people coming in looking for reasons to get mad.

Let light come in once and a while

Aperture call-back.

But also…a little hopeful while sad note in a brutal song. You only let light—aka joy and love and all beautiful things—come in here and there. But that’s still something. At least. It’s not completely shut out. There remains hope. Keep letting it in.

Bridge:

You could have been here in my arms / but we’re nothing at all

and if I said parasocial commentary? You could have known me, we could have cared for each other. But we’re nothing. You’re living with a fantasy that’s not real.

You want a piece or nothing at all

You want to own a part of me, my image, my identity, my grief, or you want nothing to do with me. You want possession of me, you don’t actually want me.

Or something like that.

……brutal fucking lyrics but I love it. There’s something so alive about this song that’s so incredibly special. Season 2 weight loss I’ll love you forever.