Punk Isn't Dead. Punk Is Just Afraid Of Large Bugs

Like sometimes they want to experiment with a bit of anal and instead of just buying a sex toy and some lube like a normal person, they instead shove random objects up their ass that inevitably get stuck and then they try to get them out by themselves which makes things worse and then they lie to doctors about it and like this all leads to all kinds of extra complications like internal damage, risk of infections, bleeding, the fall of Yugoslavia, etc.

Until recently, a few people in my office had these desk shades to combat the obnoxious fluorescent lights, which is very helpful for people (like me) with migraines or other light-sensitivity issues.

A few days ago, everyone who has them was told to take them down. Different people were given different reasons - It violates fire code (it doesn't) / It blocks line of sight (sort of?). Since this goes against the existing status quo, the union reps (my beloved) jumped on it. Someone jokingly suggested using umbrella hats instead, since hats are allowed in the dress code. Today, the union reps are passing out these ridiculous things in protest:

I understand this mistake. I’m sure a lot of people buy copies of the complete Grimm’s Fairy Tales, see their tale of Aschenputtel translated as “Cinderella”, and assume what they’re reading is the “original” version of the tale. Or else they see Into the Woods and make the same assumption, because Sondheim and Lapine chose to base their Cinderella plot line on the Grimms’ Aschenputtel instead of on the more familiar version. It’s an understandable mistake. But I’m still tired of seeing it.

The Brothers Grimm didn’t originate the story of Cinderella. Their version, where there is no fairy godmother, the heroine gets her elegant clothes from a tree on her mother’s grave, and where yes, the stepsisters do cut off parts of their feet and get their eyes pecked out in the end, is not the “original.” Nor did Disney create the familiar version with the fairy godmother, the pumpkin coach, and the lack of any foot-cutting or eye-pecking.

If you really want the “original” version of the story, you’d have to go back to the 1st century Greco-Egyptian legend of Rhodopis. That tale is just this: “A Greek courtesan is bathing one day, when an eagle snatches up her sandal and carries it to the Pharaoh of Egypt. The Pharaoh searches for the owner of the sandal, finds her and makes her his queen.”

Or, if you want the first version of the entire plot, with a stepdaughter reduced to servitude by her stepmother, a special event that she’s forbidden to attend, fine clothes and shoes given to her by magic so she can attend, and her royal future husband finding her shoe after she loses it while running away, then it’s the Chinese tale of Ye Xian you’re looking for. In that version, she gets her clothes from the bones of a fish that was her only friend until her stepmother caught it and ate it.

But if you want the Cinderella story that Disney’s film was directly based on, then the version you want is the version by the French author Charles Perrault. His Cendrillon is the Cinderella story that became the best known in the Western world. His version features the fairy godmother, the pumpkin turned into a coach, mice into horses, etc, and no blood or grisly punishments for anyone. It was published in 1697. The Brothers Grimm’s Aschenputtel, with the tree on the grave, the foot-cutting, etc. was first published in 1812.

1. “LADIES”

2. The very disappointed “Eclair…”

3. “WHAT?” (High pitched mooing in response)