pizzamancer

sits on my own blog like it’s the edge of a lake wistfully

skips a stone over a few posts

So like an hour ago I just lear🪨︵︵ned that— what the fuck was that. Someone just skipped a rock across my post did you see that

the best death note joke format will forever be L asking light a simple question in which logical answer A might increase the likelihood of light being kira and logical answer B similarly might increase the likelihood of light being kira and after a short internal struggle light comes up with answer Y, which no human being has ever thought of as being a normal response in all of living history

the "what are your pronouns" comic is my fave example.

Gave a gamer girl a hickey call me the Mark Applier

no

Call this guy the Mark Denier

no

Call this guy the Mark Replier

its terrible for any number of reasons, but i think if we invent immortality there should be an extreme sport called civilizational speedrunning where teams of 20 go into the wilderness somewhere and try and be the fastest build the first internal combustion engine. i bet you could get it down to like 3 years tops

The real trick is to eat seed heavy food before the speedrun starts so your first poops are halfway to agriculture already

i want you on my team holy shit

For this game of dodgeball, I will be specifically targeting the gayest and most autistic among you to eliminate. 

Okay so normal rules then

friend who went to bed is a type of dead wife

my friend has a crush on a guy in a band and is refusing to call it a bisexual moment because (direct quote) "men in bands are basically women"