I Just Want A Nap

Putting the term "Catholic guilt" on a high shelf where fandom can't reach it until everyone learns how to identify characters who are very very clearly coded as Protestant.

I always think of the description I saw years ago: Self-imposed deadlines don't help me, because I know the person who set them, and they're full of shit.

Everclear is what we have instead of universal healthcare.

still so funny to me that gross has another meaning besides icky and is used seriously all the time. your gross annual income. your disgusting nasty amount of money you earn the whole year. pathetic

quiz: why do lobsters have one claw bigger

They evolved to handle different prey. the larger crusher claw cracks open ahrder prey like a molar tooth, whilst the smaller pincer claw rips apart soft prey similar to an incisor tooth.

theyre lobsided

oh I see! yay!

“you’re so funny” thanks i would have been lobotomized in the 1940s

You just know the ye olde peasants went NUTS at that last part

We don’t say sblood enough we should bring it back

Lady in drive through had a bearded dragon sitting on her boobs and she held it up and let me pet it. killing myself canceled

“you couldn’t make this movie today” not because of cancel culture but because big studios aren’t willing to take risks on cool fun new ideas instead of adaptation number 7,000

my most toxic trait is i fucking love work gossip. i play neutral not to be the bigger person or take the high road but to hear slander and hearsay from every side. two coworkers complained about each other to me in the same afternoon and i nearly blacked out from the rush

its terrible for any number of reasons, but i think if we invent immortality there should be an extreme sport called civilizational speedrunning where teams of 20 go into the wilderness somewhere and try and be the fastest build the first internal combustion engine. i bet you could get it down to like 3 years tops

The real trick is to eat seed heavy food before the speedrun starts so your first poops are halfway to agriculture already

i want you on my team holy shit

repeat after me: i am a sexy bitch and no one ruins my 2014

I am a sexy bitch and no one ruins my 2014

someone needs to invent reverse cornflakes. i want to eat a cereal that gives me a demonic erection and inflicts upon me an insatiable lust