I don’t think people understand what thefuckI’m going through,
I firstly don’t understand what I’m goign through probably.
Nobody understand me, everybody attacks me.
I feel so fucking alone.
The only person I thoughtcould help me, now can’t.
I’m confused, everybody is expressing their opinion, sayingwhat I should do not thinking I could be influenced.
Not thinking I could be depressed.
they don’t count so manyimportant factors that influence my behaviuor and my thinking and mywill.
theythink theycancommand on me,while i’m here powerless on myself, listening to them and not choosing for myself.
andi want to expressmyself, i want somone to say “I KNOW HOW IT FEELS” andjust reallymean it.
“you need to be cured”
probably yes, but can youimagine how it is to think and to understand that you havea mental illness and you need to recover?
can youimagine how hardlife with mental ilnesscould be?
can you imagine how misunderstoodsomeonecould feel?
when you talk about what you feel and the only answers you got are:”you just rave, you need to calm down and getit together” or “ you choose it, you just need to change”
when evreybody is pushing you to do something yo know you willregret but youcan’t say no
when everybody at this point is disappointed and you need to prove them wrong, but you don’t have the strenght or the will anymore
when you just wanna give up bcauseyoucan’t choose
and i can’t choose
and i don’t know
neither myself can understand myslef, how am I expecting others to do so?
I’m sorry I disappointed you, I’m sorry I left you.
I love you so much, you are the reason why I keep going,you are my entire world
and still I manage to let you down everytime, and after all this ttime you still here waiting for me.
what makes you stay? I don’t deserve youand this is destroying me.
I feel you’re wasted, I fell I’m guilty, I feel i need to punish myself for what I’v done to you.
i wish I had the courage to tell you what i’m writing, i know i’ll never tell yiuthis.
but you’ll probably find out, because i know, when i’ll come back youwill be there waiting for me, waiting to love me as youalways had.
i love so fucking much you can’t even understand.
