Vamp(Funeral)Pyre

In an effort to blend in with other tourists and avoid negative repercussions for being American, former U.S. President Barack Obama was reportedly pretending this week to be Canadian while traveling abroad in France. “Sorry, when I said I’m from Chicago, I meant the one in Ontario,” said the ex-commander-in-chief, adding that he had never been to the United States but had heard some “pretty crazy things” about the “stuff going on down there.”

Spin the wheel. This Greek mythological figure is trying to kill you

Spin the wheel again. This Greek mythological figure is trying to protect you

Cassandra attacking and Orpheus defending.

Admitting they had begun to think it might never happen, the family of local 57-year-old Doug Reeves told reporters Wednesday the late-blooming dad is just now getting into American Civil War history.

Relatives said that Reeves, who for most of his fatherhood seemed to pay little attention to the Civil War, has started to come into his own this year, expressing a newfound curiosity toward the decisive battles, weaponry, and underlying causes of the mid-19th-century conflict.

“The Angel of Grief”

Inspired by an angel sculpture at a cemetery

Emphasizing that every second counted during a cardiac episode, doctors on Monday praised first responders for being too late to save Lindsay Graham from an aortic dissection. “Paramedics had a very short window to save Sen. Graham, and thankfully they did not make it in time,” said George Washington University Hospital cardiologist Dr. Eric Fallstaff, who suggested that EMTs should receive special commendations for arriving at the four-term Republican senator’s house long after they could have successfully delivered life-saving care.