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Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
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will byers stan first human second

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@taraj0nes

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hang it in the louvre
pt 10/?
when your girl is into naked people so you turn her on by taking your clothes off #RegularPlay #Con
#ConsensualConsent #EthicalGamy
inspired by this post
shane hollander absolutely shitfaced after winning his third stanley cup. He's out celebrating with his team and he's completely lost track of where he is or what time it is — even what day it is — but he's so happy he's almost hysterical like his face aches from smiling and it feels like he's going to explode. And he's just hanging off Hayden's arm in the club VIP area and watching half of his (3-time Stanley cup winning!!!) team grind up on random women when he suddenly lets out a sad little sigh and Hayden's like "fuck he's about to get sappy about Rozanov" but Shane just hits him with a very slurred "I'm sooo sorry you're not gay Haydsss 🥴" and Hayden is like "buddy????" And Shane is like "it's the onnnly thing that *hiccup* feels evn clossse to thisss Hayyyds" and while Hayden's very drunk brain is still trying to reboot, Shane just wistfully adds "it's soooo good, I jussst love gay sex 🥰" and Hayden can only stand there and blink
I think we need to talk more about Shane in the 24 hours following a Cup win. Like that is peak uninhibited Shane Hollander. He’s kissing babies. He’s chugging champagne by the bottle. He’s attempting to climb every surface. He’s attempting the worm? He’s going to the club bathroom, sending Ilya a hole pic and a 1200 word text describing all the ways he deserves to be fucked. Then he’s going back out and attempting the worm again

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you know at least 2016 ilya rozanov had lemonade. like he had a lot of things not going well for him but at least he had lemonade by beyoncé
#HappyPride to my beloved fictional babies. 🌈🩷
Tw ♡
i think ilya could yodel. it’s something he brings out as a party trick when he is drunk on tequila exclusively.
i love for ilya to be super selfindulgent abt his own cock. he loves looking at it, he gets a head rush from looking at it go inside shane and he loves doing that (he does this a lot in canon WOHOOOO). he loves making shane talk abt it "you love that big cock huh? tell me" all demanding while fucking him or maybe sometimes in a slow grind and superduper sweetly too. "i love your big cock" shane slurs and HE DOESSS so much
Tags via @bugslibraryy
also its important to me that shane Knew he was gay the whole time, it was this Thing itches in the back of his brain, something he couldn't look at head on or really think about. bc admitting it was like giving up. but its not that he didn't Know. shane hollander didn't have to have rose tell him hes gay for him to be like "oh huh really i hadn't noticed" bc he Knew. and you can see it so clearly on his face in that scene how he knew. how thinking about it scares him, how Really looking at this part of himself feels impossible. but again shanes not just completely unselfaware, he knows this about himself he just Hopes he can make it work. that it doesnt really matter. he likes rose Enough, he likes girls Enough, it can be Enough

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yall make ilya the treat dogdad, but you are wrong and here is why
shane is obviously not the animal lover of this household. his parents weren’t pet people (david has allergies), and he’s always been on the road too much to even consider it. plus, there’s so much hair and dirt and slobber and mess and it just feels unnecessary
but he sees how happy anya makes ilya, and that alone is enough to make him look past all the mess
it takes him a while to bond with her though. she and ilya are basically inseparable at home, and when shane is alone with her, she mostly keeps her distance, napping on the couch and lifting her head to stare at the door every once in a while, waiting for her papa to come home
but one long weekend while ilya is visiting boston, shane takes anya on a hike. that’s something you do with dogs, right? anya seems to love it, anyway. she noses at some leaves when they pause for water, and rolls around in the grass at the top of the hill happily, but otherwise is just as focused on her run as shane is. she keeps pace with him, her leash attached to shane’s waist, and she’s like his adorable little shadow. and shane kinda loves it, having this running partner who enjoys the fresh air and quiet with him
so when they get home, he makes sure she drinks water (but not too fast, he’s read about that) and fishes some treats out of the bag at the back of the closet
and they’re okay, he thinks. kinda boring for her, maybe? they almost look like kibble, which can’t be fun and enriching for her. she’s a hunting dog by breed, or at least has a little of that in her gene pool, so she must want something more prey-like?
so in the four days ilya is gone, shane goes ham researching enriching and delicious dog treats, and ends up at one of those obnoxiously expensive pet food places in town picking out refrigerated and freeze dried things that would probably gross ilya out
and while he’s there, the sales girl opens up his world even further. what kind of human food is okay for anya to eat. doggie cookies and pup cups and a universe of treats that of course anya deserves, look at her! just sitting at shane’s feet staring up at him, not reacting to the other dogs and sounds and smells, just bopping her head against his knee
so on the way home, back of the jeep loaded with a frankly obscene amount of purchases, including a number of toys, they go through the timmy’s drive through to get a black coffee and a pup cup
and when ilya returns, anya runs up to him at the door, bouncing and jumping and getting her little paws up on his chest
and then she turns back around and joins shane on the couch, where she’s got her bum pressed against his thigh and a very expensive enriched bone in her mouth (over a blanket, of course)
Post marriage, Ilya and Shane’s fans think that now Ilya will be PR trained by Yuna and expect him to give some normal answers in post game interviews. There are multiple jokes online about how Ilya is finally “leashed” or “domesticated”.
But then after the first game of the Ottawa Centaurs, Ilya says something outrageous about the captain of the opponent team, and Shane snorts off screen. The camera moves to his face and it catches the barest of Shane’s smile before he schools his expression. That night, hockey twitter explodes because not only Shane (and Yuna) aren’t “controlling” Ilya, Shane even laughs at Ilya’s comment on camera. The PR trained Golden Boy of Hockey broke his composure because his husband chirped at another player on screen. The power of love or whatever they say.
i think heated rivalry portrays sweaty musky men very well. we don’t get these fake exercise scenes of some guy just pretending to lift weights or play sport, we get sweat stains and pink faces and veins popping out and i can smell the musk through the screen. im ovulating
saw a post that said shane is the most Boy to ever boy and i love that so much. he is so Boy.
and now i’m thinking about how he loves to be romantic and chivalrous to ilya— like when they get to the cottage and shane carries ilya’s bag in. he’s a great Boyfriend(husband.) he holds the door for ilya every chance he gets, and ilya (not so) secretly Looooooves it. when they’re at the bar with their team, shane will ask ilya if he wants a drink and go get it for him, hands it off to ilya with a little here you go, baby and then sits at a stool at the bar and ilya leans back between shane’s legs. at team cookouts, shane will tug on ilya’s arm as he’s talking to people until he’s sitting in his lap and ilya will go willingly without even pausing his conversation. shane will grin and wrap his arms around ilya’s stomach, kiss his shoulder. when they’re out to dinner and the bill comes shane will put his card down and ilya will make it a big thing, like oh thank you shane you’re sooo sweet and shane will be like ah it’s no trouble baby (they have a shared bank account.) he loves taking care of his baby!!!!!!! there’s been a rare time or two where shane and ilya are at a club and shane will let go and have a few drinks, get wonderfully tipsy and ilya will drag him out to dance. shane will hold ilya’s hips as ilya dances against him.
this doesn’t really connect to shane is such a Boy. anyway shane is such a Boy who loves taking care of his ilya
they killed him for this

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Human bodies are so weird like the upper half consists of every single vital organ and the lower half is legs