look dude me transforming painfully into a centipede isnt a fetish thing its for work. Can you take a pictyre for my linkedin its starting hherggghh

funniest possible singular sentence in the english language has already been conceived n it's the first line of the tardis wiki article on "sex"

people are like you just need to apply to 10 jobs a day meanwhile each of the jobs want you to write them 1500 words of uniquely tailored sycophancy & then manually input your cv into their custom application form 3 different times

Got kicked out of the X-men school because my only superpower is giving dogs insomnia. No yeah it's like one directional, I can't remove it. Yeah I know it's not called the X-men school but like you knew what I meant, everyone knows what I meant

I’m new to Canadian BL—why can’t they fly?

in retrospect my father was kind of iconic for how he handled it when he called someone a twat in front of little kid me and i asked what that word meant. the answer he came up with was, and i’ll always remember this, “no one knows what it means. it’s a mystery”

yesterday my uber driver told me he stopped wearing glasses and just decided his eyes were better and I was like man as the passenger in this elantra I would like you to keep more secrets from me

My girl said she wants me klarnally (we fuck in 25% completion installments over the course of 3 months until climax)