her first words, they brought panic, images running through his head like flashback. michael. nick. mary. she never said what he said specifically, she never ——– but he should’ve expected it. teachers are meant to help, right? can’t help without all the information. and yet, before long eyes tore away again, hands curling into fists at his sides, nails digging into skin… and yet, came to loosen, as she continued. came as a shock, left him blinking.
it wasn’t the first time he’d heard it. remembered the angel dumah, her words : you have a glorious destiny. but she was manipulating him, she was… it was a lie. and yet castiel, before that : you would change the world for the better. that hadn’t worked, and yet, those words kept following him around, stalking him, like maybe it wasn’t over, yet. even now. even now, it wasn’t over. like everyone knew a punch line he wasn’t yet privy to. like one day… all of this might actually be worth it.
it wouldn’t. it was a set up, wasn’t it? make him believe he could do good… and then watch him. watch him make another mistake. watch more lives get lost. there was too much blood on his hands… he couldn’t scrub it clean.
the unexpected touch felt like his skin was on fire, and all at once, the nephilim was quick to shuffle back, shaking his head repeatedly. “ no, no, no… ” mumbled over and over, eyes squeezed shut but lit up gold beneath lids. breathe. breathe. reign it in, please! “ you can’t ——– i’m not… ” breathe. took to leaning against wooden desk, hands tightly curling around the edge, grateful for something to keep him grounded.
several moments passed. when he came to stand again, scorch marks were left behind, hot to the touch. let out a small breath, forced out the words. “ i’m not… good. ”
he backs away, and she yanks her hand back. selfish girl, she forgets not everyone likes to be touched, needs to be touched the way she does. she crosses her arms, tucking her hands in so that she is not tempted to try and touch him again.
he’s... panicking? nothing alaric told her prepared her for this: him curled over the desk, his eyelids glowing bright with restrained energy, and his breaths and “no’s” all jumbled together until he is breathing self doubt. it strikes right at her heart, this ragged pain draped over his shoulders and dragging him down. she doesn’t know what it is she said that incited such panic stricken denial. she never meant for this to happen: she only wanted to help him. even those with wings sometimes need help getting into the sky.
“ jack? ” the word is almost inaudible as he breathes and grounds himself again. she aches to reach out and hug him, but instead folds her arms tighter around herself. she doesn’t want to spook him again.
he stands, says that final denial of his goodness, and her heart breaks for him. this has been a problem since the beginning: she feels too deeply, too strongly. her empathetic tendencies lead down a dangerous road. slowly, the mutant extends her arms wide, palms out so that he sees she means no harm when she takes a step closer. like he’s a spooked animal, she treats him with caution, though she only seeks to soothe him.
“ jack. ” some of the emotion bleeds through her voice, despite how she tries to control it. be the adult, be in control of the situation, eru. “ why would you say that? ” why would he so blatantly deny the goodness in himself? one small step closer before she lowers her arms, tucking them back around herself so that she can stop herself from holding this poor, fragile boy. “ did someone tell you that? ” being a nephilim growing up around hunters could not have been easy, and she’s noticed he’s not been visited since he arrived. “ why would you even think it? ”
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