#wanderer introject

It’s thunderstorming outside at the moment. Sethos and I would sit and watch storms pass from afar. He doesn’t need chatter to have a good time, which I’ve always appreciated. He would just hold me, and I’d rest my head on his shoulder, and that was that.

I wish he was here. I’m very much missing his presence at the moment. I just want someone to lay down with in silence. I’m not good at speaking, but he never minded. I could lay curled against his chest for hours listening to his breaths and heartbeat, feeling his fingers comb through my hair. I need to feel that gentleness again. I need to not feel alone.

I wish I could shank that FUCKING BASTARD. I wish I could make him understand the PAIN HE INFLICTED THAT FOLLOWED ME INTO THIS GODDAMN LIFE. I WILL NEVER BE NORMAL THANKS TO HIM. HE DESERVES A PAIN WORSE THAN DEATH.

I miss Sethos so fucking much. I need him to be with me here in this life. Trying to function without his reassurance and attention is like trying to breathe with only one lung.

Today I learned that Pat Pedraza has the power to give me a narc high. I’m fucking shaking.

Can the brain just suck it up and give me a goddamn Sethos? Surely it would be more beneficial than detrimental at this point.

it’s morning now and dreams of source are still fresh in my mind. i was stargazing from above aaru village with sethos. now i’m listening to the oh hellos to replicate that feeling