#tumbled rocks

January 2025, I came back from a 4-year hiatus during which I was partly busy, partly increasingly ill, and partly paralyzed with a mental block. In the past 10 months, I'd pumped out a million + words of fanfiction; partly completed and posted, partly ongoing, and partly waiting to be posted.

But my illness has been worsening again, I recently had to withdrew from some social circles and isolate myself even further than i already am, and I lost the drive that had me pumping out up to 10k words a day since January. I started wondering if this was it; I'd had a good run, and my hyperfixation was fading.

But recently a few people came by, like ships passing in the night, to drop off some beautiful words of encouragement. Another drop of a shiny rock in my pond. And some might call it shallow, but for someone who lives with the aftermath of lifelong PTSD, external validation is the lifeline that pulls you out of that inner hell that is so easy to drown in.

Oh, I thought tonight. I remember now. This is what joy feels like.

It reminded me that I need to keep going so I can let my character finally reach that chapter where he realizes what joy feels like. How life can feel so weightless for some people. How color can be so vibrant in the world and the sky can be beautiful and he is loved even when he doesn't realize it.

(This is a convoluted way of thanking readers who are kind enough to give me encouraging words and reviews.)

Family Heirloom, 2024

A few current favorites from my rock/crystal collection. From top to bottom and left to right:

[first picture] Dalmatian jasper (dyed I think?), blue aura quartz, clear quartz, anhydrite (angelite), cinnabite, tiger's eye, falcon's eye (blue tiger's eye), moss agate (2), and carnelian agate (3)...