Many women react with indignant resistance when told that it's not very feminist to give up their careers for a man. Erase their names for a man. Give the child they risked life and limb for a man's name. "Well I CHOSE to do it, and feminism means CHOICE to do whatever I want! Feminism means you have to SUPPORT my choice to do what I want, including giving up my name and career for a man!"
Feminism is about women's liberation. Not about celebrating every choice a woman makes.
If I enjoy being called nasty names for my skin color, does it make it less racist? If I choose to laugh along at homophobic jokes, does that make the jokes no longer homophobic? Just because I choose to remain a slave, doesn't change the definition of emancipation to mean "I'm emancipated cuz I LIKE being a slave :)" and it sure as hell doesn't mean "I support your choice to stay a slave :)". It means I'm no longer a fucking slave.
Feminism is not "clap for whatever choices women made because yay, good job, they made choices!" It's the systemic release from institutional oppression that's woven into every level of society.
I can enjoy being a domestic housewife and still be aware that I'm playing into millennia of patriarchal institution. I can choose to become jobless and dependent on my husband, and still realize that this is precisely the environment that closes doors and safety venues for women. The fact that I'm lucky enough to FEEL safe and happy within the patriarchal status quo does not magically change the fact that women ARE overwhelmingly abused, violated, murdered, stalked, harassed, dismissed, exploited, and given far fewer opportunities than men. Fundamental changes need to be made to change this fact, and that's what feminism is about.
We're allowed to not be on the front lines of war without having to feel guilty about it all the time. There are other ways to support the troops. But just because we believe in the cause and quietly support them from behind doesn't mean we are soldiers and get to loudly demand that we be called soldiers in the front lines. Because we're not.