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the more i& try to explore and differentiate facets and figure out who's fronting, the less sure i am of like. the idea of our 'core' self actually being a person who's there???? i guess that's medianhood but it is so so strange realising we basically never feel like The Self Of The Body. i thought we might have that kinda thing as a primary/host facet but it's seeming less likely and more as though it just sorta functions as a shell identity for the rest of us vibes. very weird
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Systember '25 | Day 2: Cofront
The gold outlines on the vertical panel represent me (as a shell; a member whom other members front "within"). The cracks are a reference to kintsugi; the different colours represent other system members blurring together.
Those square things in the other two are made to look like both computer windows and thought or speech bubbles. I wanted them to overlap with the body as a way of showing their influence.
scrolled through the "shell" tags for the first time, and while we didnt scroll far, noticed something interesting
it seems that in other systems, shells are headmates with their own internal monologue and wants, likes, etc. our "shell" is... not quite like that. Barely a headmate, really. It cant think by itself, for example. Its a consciousness, a layer in between us and the body, firmly attached and seemingly unremovable. A camera or recorder. But it has no thoughts, no likes, little feeling. No inward personality. It barely exists at all. It has extensive automatic reactions to outward stimulus, and can simulate personality and being outwardly, but none of that exists inwards. Its as if its not really here. It is nothing but the concept and experience of consciousness..
Which brings me to my point. Does it even count as a headmate then??? It seems to fit the description of a shell, but perhaps it doesn't
now obviously its up to us what we call it, so it doesnt matter much. But still. Up until this point we figured that this was the normal shell experience. Guess not?
We have a shell with an unknown identitiy that if we dont focus on 'ok its so and so fronting now' then we just dissociate and its the shell which doesnt collect our memories very well for us
That's pretty specific and unique tbh. I don't think I got anything in our system that remotely ressembles that?
Host might be a shell but we know who he is and so on. Don't think we know much about this from other plurals either.
-Eisen (Kotetsu Fictive /@enberneutral)
A big thing that hinders us is also just my need for fucking control. I dunno. I'm a fucking shell I think. I'm front stuck. But even aside of that, I'm a fucking control freak. I don't wanna fucking let go. I don't wanna let the others handle their shit. But it's also really easy for em to front through me. I feel everything they feel. I fucking hate it. Control freak, but also so easy to be used. Needing to know absolutely everything when, in reality, I'm one of the people that knows the least about this fucking system. I can feel they know more. I can feel there's a lot I don't know. But I don't know when or even if I'll ever know that. And that pisses me off.
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// TW discussion of Shell Alters (in terms of ramcoa and programmed DID)
Shell alter or monoconscious?
Does anyone know the practical difference between being a shell alter and being monoconscious?
Both have in common that switching is without amnesia and feels like you are becoming the alter that is switching in.
The only difference I can think of is that monoconscious alters have a shared consciousness while shell alters are a consciousness that is always in the front but that's more a theoretical difference than a practical one that actual affects how it feels to live like as a shell alter or as monoconscious.
Shout out to the systems that have a shell alter, or system that for safety reasons can not be themselves in front of others. Yall are valid. Yall will get through it lol. /gen
!!!!
DNI if endogenic/tulpa/their supporters
